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WIBU to lie to my Doctor about length of TTC?

(63 Posts)
ButterflyBird Fri 13-Jan-17 12:32:34

DH and I are TTC with no luck. Becoming a mum is all I've ever wanted and it's making me feel so empty and miserable.

Here's a bit of back story...

I have been on the pill/had the implant/then went back on the pill since we starting dating so a total of 8 years. We decided we wanted to TTC in September 2016, so to give us a bit of a head start I came off the pill in June 2016.

Since then I had a short AF in August and then again in September but nothing since. We’ve been having sex every 2-3 days and I’m keeping a log of my BBT. My temperature has spiked for 1-2 days a month each month but when I take an ovulation test it reads negative. We’re now in Janaury and still no BFP, and without periods it’s making life even more difficult sadsadsad

DH had a test for his swimmers and they're completely fine.

I was tested a little while ago for PCOS which came back negative (not for fertility reason - my hair was thinning and GP suggested we check, ended up being stress related which has no returned to normal).

My sister was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure a few years ago, and while I've been told it's not genetic and shouldn't affect me I'm worried it might have sad

I'm going to give it until March and if nothing has happened by then I'm planning to visit my GP.

WIBU to tell a white lie to my GP and say we've been TTC for a year by that point? Would she take me more seriously? I'm worried she'll tell me we've not been trying long enough and to come back after a year of doing so - happened to one of my colleagues.

Also what steps to GPs usually take? Do they just refer you to fertility specialist?

Thank you x

Bauble16 Fri 13-Jan-17 12:46:32

I think it would yes. It's not right or fair on others if you lie and jump the queue. I understand your frustration though, it's something I pondered but ultimately it's wrong.

XinnaJane Fri 13-Jan-17 12:55:09

How old are you? If you're 35 they should refer after 6 months anyway. I think it's fine to lie - by the time you've had all the investigations you'll be beyond a year anyway. Sometimes in the nhs you have to be a bit pushy.

Only thing is, if you were taking the pill until July, they'll have records of dispensing it to you - might look a bit suspicious!

XinnaJane Fri 13-Jan-17 12:56:16

Also, if you've not had a period for 4 months you should see GP about it anyway

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Fri 13-Jan-17 12:59:34

Tbh I lied. I got the impression that most other people did too anyway, so not really queue jumping at all.

Blueroses99 Fri 13-Jan-17 12:59:41

If you don't believe that you are ovulating then the chances of conceiving naturally are reduced, so I don't think there is any need to delay seeing the GP. Some areas want you to have tried for 2 years before any referrals, but less if you have known issues. Ask the GP to refer you for Day 3 and Day 21 blood tests. Even if they don't refer you to fertility specialists yet, those tests will check whether you've ovulated.

I may have fudged the dates a little to get tests but once we had a confirmed diagnosis of poor sperm results, the time trying became irrelevant.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 13-Jan-17 13:02:43

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, even when you're prepared for it to take a while, when it does it's really difficult.

Morals aside, if you say it's been a year in March, won't they know you were on the pill and not actually TTC at the time?

Depending on how old you are, even if it had been a whole year they might not jump straight to investigations. The reality is that it really can just take a while but most people get there naturally in the end. Have you looked at all the lifestyle factors - weight, booze, fags, diet, water? I've never done OPK but if you're DTD every other day throughout the cycle then you're pretty well covered whenever it happens. Are you worried you're not ovulating at all or that you are but don't know when?

ButterflyBird Fri 13-Jan-17 13:24:44

Thank you all for your responses smile

My partner and I are both 26, don't smoke, rarely drink alcohol but get plenty of water and eat healthy - I've been Vegan for a little while as a friend suggested it might help boost things.

When they dispense my contraceptive pill they give me six months worth each time. The last time they dispensed it to me was Jan last year so if I see GP in the March I could say I stopped the pill in Feb 2016?

My fear is that I'm not ovulating at all after taking contraceptives for so long sad I've known women to be prescribed clomid to kick start their ovulation but I think it's only given to you if you have PCOS?

Badgerbird Fri 13-Jan-17 13:36:06

Hey butterfly sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I just wanted to say maybe check you're getting enough protein for healthy eggs (yours not chickens !) and fats (avocados, nuts, seeds etc) for a healthy hormone cycle. Really important. I've been a healthy vegan 18yrs and tweaked the way I eat to help conception although I had different issues to you. I actually started eating eggs from a local charity farm as for me that was the right thing to do, alongside lots of other lifestyle bits and pieces. 21 weeks preggo now but who knows, maybe it was just my time!

Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.

januarybooze Fri 13-Jan-17 13:38:44

Yes you'd be wrong. Obviously.

JigglyTuff Fri 13-Jan-17 13:48:10

You're only 26! Honestly, you are getting worked up unnecessarily. Fertility treatment isn't a walk n the park and even just Clomid isn't much fun.

Having said that, you're perfectly within your rights to get your lack of periods checked out. There really is no need to lie though

hopsalong Fri 13-Jan-17 13:50:25

Yes, I think that would be a bad idea.

First, because you'd be jumping past those people who have in fact been trying for a full year or more. (If you were 34 and had a family history of early menopause, maybe some reason to worry. But you are very young! You might be impatient, but there are in fact years and years ahead to sort out potential fertility problems, if there in fact are any.) Second, for your own mental health. I am prone to health anxiety and know all too well the dangers of jumping as quickly as possible to the worst possible conclusion. Why the rush to go through unpleasant medical tests and procedures without giving yourself a proper go at getting there by yourself? There is no reason to think you are infertile.

Blueroses99 Fri 13-Jan-17 14:03:45

Clomid is not just for PCOS, it can be used to trigger ovulation in a number of different scenarios.

Could being vegan actually be harming your fertility if you are deficient in any particular nutrients? (Not being negative about vegans but any diet or changes to dietary requirements has to be careful managed to make sure you get everything that you need. I thought I ate a good balanced diet, meat, fish, eggs, veg, fruit etc but saw a nutritionist and had loads of deficiencies for essential vits and minerals needed for pregnancy. DH was worse!)

Definitely get checked out for lack of periods, this is separate from fertility.

You have time on your side but don't be fobbed off because you are young if there may be an underlying issue that might not resolve itself.

Lules Fri 13-Jan-17 15:36:19

I wouldn't lie, although I was actually told to by my consultant to go back to my GP and lie and say it had been a year if I still wasn't getting periods with the drugs she prescribed. (They did help so I didn't). But definitely go to your GP - make it less about fertility treatments and more about your lack of periods in general because that could be a problem in itself. That's what I did and my GP was happy to refer me to a gynaecologist for investigations (which was different for a referral for the fertility centre) on that basis. Turned out I had PCOS although that's prob not the case for you.

AnyFucker Fri 13-Jan-17 15:48:27

Who the hell told you that veganism boosts fertility ? hmm

I would see your gp and get the ball rolling due to the lack of periods, tbh. I wouldn't judge you if you added a couple of months on either.

Do you have a BMI in the normal range, incidentally ?

PurpleDaisies Fri 13-Jan-17 16:26:35

It's not wrong to see the gp if you're worried but yes, it's wrong to lie. Incidentally, white lies are normally called such because they don't harm anyone. This lie will have consequences for people behind you in the queue for investigations. It isn't a white lie.

I'm surprised you thought you'd get a different answer from people who all had to wait their turn for investigations. You can always go private.

PurpleDaisies Fri 13-Jan-17 16:28:41

I've been Vegan for a little while as a friend suggested it might help boost things.
What medical qualifications die your friend have? People tell you all sorts of crap when you're trying to conceive. Just filter out the nonsense.

sycamore54321 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:34:14

Yes, do not lie. You need an open honest relationship with your medical team. I would say the same even if you were paying for private treatment but lying to skip the queue is a low thing to do. By all means, see the doctor about the absence of periods but do not lie.

Stupid question but have you done a pregnancy test if you have had no period since September?

Enidblyton1 Fri 13-Jan-17 16:34:37

It took me a year after coming off the pill (I had been on it for about 10 years) to ovulate properly. I was 30 at the time so not worried about being 'too old'.

As you are only 26, you have time on your side and I honestly wouldn't lie. I think you just need to give your body a bit more time to adjust to coming off hormonal contraception.

ellesbellesxxx Fri 13-Jan-17 18:35:58

I don't think you should until it's been a year at your age...even if the pill took a while to get out your system (still could be getting out your system now!) it's been 6 months.
Give yourself to next summer and see how you go.
Believe me you do not want to end up having fertility treatment just to rush things along... especially when it's still early days.
My fertility consultant said it's very normal to take 1-2 years!

Whereland Fri 13-Jan-17 23:53:35

I really wouldn't lie. You need to be honest with them. I know it doesn't feel like it but you haven't been trying for a terribly long time- one to two years is very normal.

MrsH14 Sat 14-Jan-17 13:05:46

I came off the pill 6 months before we started trying, 10 years of being on it continually. After a year of being off the pill and 6 months ttc I went to see my doctor because my periods were heavier than I had ever experienced. He prescribed me tablets but also asked me what else I was worried about. I explained that we had been ttc for 6 months, I was 27 at the time and he sent me off for blood tests to check my levels.
I was honest about what was going on but he obviously felt it was the right thing to do. In the end all my tests came back ok but my dh has a zero sperm count.

Your main issue is that your not having a period which in turn might mean your not ovulating. If you go to the doctors and explain your worries they might help. I think it's unfair to say telling a white lie about the amount of time you ttc will affect others who are waiting but in this day and age who the hell actually waits a whole year before they go to the doctors about something they are worried about especially with all of the crappy ccgs planning ivf cuts

PotteringAlong Sat 14-Jan-17 13:13:20

You're 26 and have been trying for 4 months. That's absolutely no time at all. And you want to take an appointment from someone who has been trying for much longer?

You don't know if you have problems. You need to wait and see for another 8 months.

littledinaco Sat 14-Jan-17 13:17:17

I wouldn't lie as may mean you don't receive the most appropriate treatment. It will also be stressful trying to keep up lies about period dates, etc ontop of probably what is a really stressful time.

I don't think it would be as big of an issue lying if you'd been having regular periods and ovulating but not got pregnant but what are you going to say about having periods since stoping the pill in Feb? Are you going to say you had no bleed until August? Or that you had periods from march until September and then they stopped? Don't think it's a good idea.

Maybe visit the GP anyway to say you are concerned that you're not ovulating.
Is going private an option for you?

Penhacked Sat 14-Jan-17 13:21:54

I would go, say you are worried about your lack of periods, talk about lifestyle factors and say you are trying to conceive. I read up to a year is normal. You should give yourself a year to not stress about it. Go to doc about periods but please stop doing all this temperature taking. It is stressful in and of itself. Believe it will happen, statistics are on your side!!!

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