Mans perspective on IVF

[Julphen37]

Hello, I joined this forum to get some opinions on myself and wife going abroad for treatment (she is slightly computer shy)
However I wanted to also express my views on the IVF industry and see if anyone else feels the same frustrations and despair . My wife has endometriosis and we have never been able to have kids (yet) - we have had 3 IVFs in the UK, 2 of which were private. Although we had several embryos planted it has never worked.

Perhaps it is sour grapes because it hasn't so far worked for us - but for me I feel like I am up against an unstoppable wave of marketing and propaganda. I curse IVF but at the same time I know I need it. Every clinic we have been to in the UK (3) has been an uncomfortable experience, SALES, SALES and more SALES seems to be the number 1 agenda. Do you want this it may help 'some' woman.... what about this, this, oh and this.... and when it fails the consultant would like to offer you a free consultancy to talk about your options. Its like woman who have fertility issues have a sign on there head that says 'I'm desperate- take advantage of my fragility' I feel sorry for every person who walks through those doors.

The eye opening moments for me have been looking to my left and seeing a young couple crying because they had no eggs - then looking to my right to see one of the consultants driving into the car park in a new rolls Royce. Then when my wife was recovering from having endo removed from her bowl - having just woke up - the NHS consultant who done the surgery was handing us a card for a IVF clinic he was connected to. Another classic was when we were having our first IVF we were approached by 5 that's five different members of the clinical team to get us to sign up for embryo camera.

As I said maybe if it ever works I'll feel differently, and I'm happy for those who it has worked for, however for those that are not that lucky we just don't know who or what to believe. Even when I have been researching clinics abroad I found an article about how foreign clinics employ British people to promote their clinics on chat rooms.

It feels like were on the receiving end of the ultimate business plan. Here is a service that only has 20 percent chance of working, for some people it might be better if you spend more. People will pay despite the terrible odds because they are desperate. All the experts have their own views about how to do it best, and hell, when it doesn't work they'll keep coming back anyway.

Anyway we'll keep going because we have no options. :)

[Tatlerer]

Julphen I know how you feel and sympathise. When our two NHS IVF's failed and we switched to a private clinic I remember thinking I just should have presented them with my cheque book and let them crack on.
Unfortunately though, fertility and techniques/ supporting medicines and treatments to IVF is still a relatively 'new' area of medicine and so much is unknown as they haven't (and in many cases can't, due to ethical reasons) gathered the evidence. So I had various expensive 'extras' like IVIG, clexane and a womb scratch before the cycle that turned out to be the successful one (daughter is now 3) but the consultant could only say 'it may have helped' and we've no way of knowing, even after the event, whether one, two or indeed none of those interventions made any difference whatsoever!
Good luck to both of you. It's tough, so very tough.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

My friend had 3 ivf all failed and had endemet. She has been advised to use donor eggs as basically her eggs and lining aren't compatible

If this something you and wife wihid consider?

Obv some people with endem do get preg but it's a thought

[spinduffy]

My husband could have written this post. He too is sceptical. Sadly IVF plays on our vulnerability and a slim hope is better than no hope.

[emmag1984]

I know how you feel when going to private clinics and the feeling of desperation that you would try anything, even for just some hope that it may work.

What I have found really helpful is the website www.cochrane.org/. If you search it for fertility treatments it tells you exactly which of these "extras" have evidence behind them and which don't. It is a global independent network of 37,000 researchers and professionals dedicated to providing scientific, evidence based health information. There's no commercial sponsorship and other conflicts of interest.

If you check out this link, it tells you in depth how to try and avoid other fertility industry scams: www.conceptionadvice.com/how-not-to-be-ripped-off-by-fertility-clinics/

[bananafish81]

This is a useful summary from the chair of the British Fertility Society on the evidence base for interventions used in some IVF clinics

www.adambalen.com/ivf-practices-challenged-2/