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Can't explain our infertility problem to anyone

(10 Posts)
Hollslou Mon 12-Dec-16 08:03:59

Morning ladies and gents,

I have posted here a few times before but have changed name as this is such a personal topic.

I realise what I'm about to say probably sounds insane but I can't speak to anyone about it and it's killing me sad

Have been with DH for 10 years, happily married for 4. Since our first few dates we have always talked about starting a family and our future children etc and in the last few months I have come off the pill so we can start TTC. However there is a HUGE elephant in the room . We haven't had full on penetrative sex for years.... You would wonder how you manage that and it has really bothered me but he just hasn't seemed interested in sex and been very dismissive when I have tried to initiate it.

Think we both idiotically thought I would come off the pill and we would just magically start having sex and get pregnant. How ridiculous!

Anyway I have been getting really down about this. He said he had just lost his confidence and wanted me to dress up/initiate it so I did. Problem is he has a tiny willy. Sorry to say this but it's true... When it's down its barely visible/ like a small baby on an adult body, then when erect it's fuller but still small. Sorry to overshare!
So after quite a lot of work I managed to get it up but as soon as he tried to get inside me it just instantly goes flaccid again. We tried a few times but to be honest I just wanted it to be over, it was humiliating for us both.

He admitted he was worried about it and felt different and we decided we needed to go to the doctors because our common goal is to have children and that's currently not possible I don't think unless anyone can tell me otherwise from your experiences. Anyway this conversation abour going to the doctor was a couple of months ago now and nothing has happened. I didn't want to push. I understand this will be a lot more humiliating for him than me but it effects our future. I brought it up with him again yesterday and he just said he didn't feel he could go because it was just too humiliating and he couldn't face this.

I'm so desperate for a baby and have been waiting years for him to be ready. Finally he is and now we can't conceive or discuss it with anyone for help because it's such an unusual problem.

If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for reading. Feels good to vent. Any advice would be so welcome, thanks x

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen Mon 12-Dec-16 08:08:40

Can he masturbate? Produce sperm?

My dd is a 'home made' surrogate baby. Dh produced sperm, I delivered it in a little pot kept warm under my armpit, friend used the equivalent of a turkey baster
We have a 17 yr old now

user1477282676 Mon 12-Dec-16 08:10:48

QOD That's how my SIL's baby was conceived. Real stork action there. need to see a doctor...or rather DH does...about his issues.

Does he use porn?

LadyPenelopeCantDance Mon 12-Dec-16 08:13:44

It sounds like he has a micro penis and needs to be diagnosed as such. The first step is getting him to the Doctors to see what your options are.

Good luck OP flowers

Blueroses99 Mon 12-Dec-16 09:07:53

Second going to see a doctor - it may be a physical issue which needs to be addressed or may actually be a psychological issue and that would need to be treated differently.

margasid1 Mon 12-Dec-16 19:40:11

Go doctors! They have seen everything I'm sure doctors know how to make patients comfortable. He needs to stop thinking about himself now. It is your future as well so he needs to get over it. There are worst thinks in this world than having micro penis. Baby would change his mind set and he wouldn't have time to think to much, he would be exhausted. Good luck!

Nan0second Mon 12-Dec-16 19:44:28

What qod said is what we would recommend as first line 'treatment'.
If timed with ovulation sticks, then many will get pregnant within 6 months.
The other posters are right though, a GP is not bothered about willies and will be quite happy to see and refer as necessary.
Good luck x

EweAreHere Mon 12-Dec-16 20:05:34

If he truly wants children, he'll act like a grown up and go in to talk to the doctor. You don't have to be in the room if that's an issue.

But seriously. He needs to go in. Or he's prioritizing his embarrassment over having a family with you. Not a trait you want in a father who will potentially be called upon to give advice to children is it.

Cutesbabasmummy Mon 12-Dec-16 20:46:28

Agree about seeing a doctor. Are there any other issues going on here? If he's struggling to get an erection and loses it maybe some counselling would Help? X

cluelessnewmum Tue 20-Dec-16 10:04:08

No point in me say 'see a doctor' as you know that already. I imagine it would be less embarrassing if he went on his own? Maybe consider paying to see a private doctor so he doesn't have to see your family gp, may be less embarrassing? I would agree the strategy with him then book the appointment, then there's no more procrastination.

I'm no expert on this but would viagra be an option, in helping him maintain his erection?

Good luck.

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