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Sperm donor, how did getting a sperm donor affected your relationship?

(26 Posts)
margasid1 Mon 12-Dec-16 07:25:32

We are at the beginning of our possible ivf journey but we know for 80% if we want to have a baby we need to get sperm donor. Not sure myself how I feel about it and husband warming up to the idea. How did this affected your relationship? What should we talk about? Has anyone going through this now?

MrsDarcy4092 Mon 12-Dec-16 13:24:24

What's the infertility problem? We've not started ivf yet but will be soon and my husband has extremely low count extremely poor motility and extremely poor morphology. For this reason we know donor might be only option but we want to try with his sperm first. It is in the background though as a possibility so I'm interested in other responses.
Good luck!

margasid1 Mon 12-Dec-16 16:20:40


We don't know what the problem is. Test show no sperm what so ever. It was done twice. The only way to see if there is anything there is to do biopsy. They want me to go through all ivf treatment and then they will call my husband for biopsy. If there is anything there they will go ahead with whatever they have to do if not doctor told us to have backup donor. I don't understand why can't they do biopsy first( can you freeze sper) and then ivf. My husband has got high FSH, normal testosterone not sure about morphology ( would that test be done at the same time as sperm test ?

margasid1 Mon 12-Dec-16 16:26:13

Is your husband of with donor ?

margasid1 Mon 12-Dec-16 17:14:41


MrsDarcy4092 Mon 12-Dec-16 17:52:28

I no people who have had the biopsy first and then frozen what they got. Which i think is much better as it gives you time to come to terms with things and grieve if they can't find any sperm in the biopsy. Can you ask for it this way?
My husband is ok with donor in theory but we're still perusing using his sperm so we have not fully discussed it yet. We feel like we need to properly exhaust the option of him not fathering our children, come to terms with that and grieve properly and only then we could think clearly about donor. There are so many things to think about I think it's a shame it sounds like your clinic is rushing you

margasid1 Mon 12-Dec-16 18:42:38

I know. We are not going back until we will get answers about my husband first. Waiting now for referral to urologist (andrologist). Like you, we are trying to make sure there is nothing there before we decide about donor.

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 13-Dec-16 08:57:25

Yes you can freeze spend so agree biopsy would make more sense so you know where you are , then can research donors if that needs dj be done

TBH surprised your clinic suggested getting you on ivf then him - seems weird way to do it

Do you have faith in this clinic ?

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 13-Dec-16 08:57:42


margasid1 Tue 13-Dec-16 12:49:38

Well not after that. We saw lady doctor that said few times to us that she doesn't deal with male problems so she is not sure! When we asked her if it would be possible to do biopsy first she said she doesn't know. Then she referred us to Barts hospital for ivf. Now I don't know what would happen if we were to go there. Is it possible they would decide to do biopsy first?

MrsDarcy4092 Tue 13-Dec-16 17:45:13

Yes that's most likely. They will prob arrange proper testing too as sometimes there at zero sperm because the male is a cf carrier or there's a blockage. Then once they know why they will arrange biopsy and then talk about ivf. it will be a long process I'm afraid but well worth investigating properly

MrsDarcy4092 Tue 13-Dec-16 17:50:30

This is all so helpful. If I have short protocol which is what I have been told so far then I know my dates for day one each month and then I've already got leave booked for 2 weeks from day 10 to cover when egg collection may happen- I no it can't be exact but surely egg collection will happen at some point between day 10-24. I no et won't but I've told I don't need time off for et just the appointment to have it done but no sedation so can go straight back to work. Am I wrong? If so then I will cancel my leave and just have to go off sick as I can't book leave short notice.

MrsDarcy4092 Tue 13-Dec-16 17:52:15

Sorry I posted on wrong thread!

margasid1 Tue 13-Dec-16 19:21:03

Thank you MrsDarcy4092. Maybe Thassos what we need to do. I need to lose some weight first. It just visit we had felt really like doctor didn't have time for us. I know they over worked and so busy but it is our lives.

margasid1 Tue 13-Dec-16 21:38:27

Husband just got date for male gynecologist so fingers crossedsmile

MrsH14 Tue 13-Dec-16 21:55:12

My dh was diagnosed with azoospermia last year. He had m-tese last week and they found sperm to freeze.

margasid1 Wed 14-Dec-16 07:13:58

Oh that great news! I really want this to happen for us. So you will be going through ivf then. If you are healthy do you still need to take all the hormones? I was wondering how ivf works for healthy ladies.

MrsDarcy4092 Wed 14-Dec-16 11:34:09

I don't think health comes into it. Some clinics claim to offer ivf with no drugs but it's mainly for women who have a low ovarian reserve.
The type and amount of drugs will be tailored to the individual but general health doesn't come into it. Some medical conditions will mean less drugs are recommended.

moggle Wed 14-Dec-16 12:02:09

The reason you need to take all the drugs is to produce lots of eggs at once to increase the chances of fertilisation. If you just used the one egg you produce every month it would be almost all of the cost and a low chance of getting a good embryo and lower still of pregnancy.
If you have IVF and it doesn't work first time but you have frozen embryos, it is usually an option for reproductively healthy women with regular cycles to have those put back without needing further medication.
Good luck!

margasid1 Wed 14-Dec-16 13:05:38

Thank you very much for that. So much to learn sad

MrsDarcy4092 Wed 14-Dec-16 21:24:59

We've known about my husbands infertility for 18 months now and there's still so much we are learning, be kind to yourselves and take your time. These threads are a great support.

gabsdot Fri 16-Dec-16 21:08:45

We don't know what the problem is. Test show no sperm what so ever. It was done twice. The only way to see if there is anything there is to do biopsy. They want me to go through all ivf treatment and then they will call my husband for biopsy.

We did this. On the morning of the egg collection we were told there was no sperm found. Bummer all round.

I have friends who successfully conceived eventually with MFI and in their case the sperm was frozen in advance.

Try not to do it the other way around. It was very tough. Also using donor sperm is a huge decision and IMO is one that can only be made when there is no other option.
Good luck

margasid1 Fri 16-Dec-16 22:11:56

That must have been horrible. I can't imagine going through this. I can't even make decision about sperm donor not knowing if there is any of my husbands sperm available. We have appointment at some doctor in Guys hospital in January. I am hoping we will get some answers but I'm not holding my breath. Thank you very much for your post. Did you think any more about getting a donor ?

margasid1 Sat 17-Dec-16 08:19:36

Gabsdot was your husband FSH high? My husbands FSH is high and we went to the doctor in different country for second opinion. He said because FSH is to high there won't be sperm there. I am still hoping he is wrong.

gabsdot Sat 17-Dec-16 11:43:31

Mardasid, I don't know actually. It was in 2000 so I can't remember. DH does have small testicles though, apparantly that's an indicator.

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