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Infertile so I pretend I don't like children - anyone else?

(8 Posts)
fedupasfudge Tue 29-Nov-16 16:47:27

I've known since my early twenties that my chances of conceiving are next to nothing, which ultimately ended that spell of trying for a baby and the relationship too.

I've realised recently that since that time (36 now) I've periodically introduced a 'near miss' attitude (not in the same relationship now) and that nearly all of my recent friends assume I don't want children. I don't ever say that I dislike children but have found myself on a number of occasions blurting out that I positively do not want to be a mother.

Is this something that others do? I was wondering if it's a common coping mechanism as I've noticed that I do it to avoid talking about children and engaging in friend's pregnancies as I do find it quite hard.

Sorry for the (perhaps incoherent) ramble.

ElizabethHoney Tue 29-Nov-16 16:53:11

I don't do it now, but I definitely used to sometimes. Kind of a defensive mechanism. I did the same about being single.

Infertility is such a hard thing to cope with - if this approach helps you, then don't feel bad about it.

RockStonePebble Tue 29-Nov-16 17:07:17

I have DCs now but I remember 'God, no' being my standard response to someone asking if I wanted children for a while. Definitely an attempt to evade further questioning.

imjessie Tue 29-Nov-16 18:49:03

We used to have friends who said they didn't want children . It turned out 10 years later they were having ivf the whole time ! I wish I had known because I got pregnant by surprise during that time And wasn't that keen at first which definitely ruined our friendship because I must have had what they wanted but didn't know !

broodypsycho Thu 01-Dec-16 13:56:31

Yes I do that sometimes, though now as I'm approaching IVF I've told them about it. And I make out as if I'm just doing it to please my partner and family, when really i want a baby so much,I guess if I just tell my self this, the disappointment won't be as bad. Anything to help us be okay with this infertility is okay cos it really is sh*t.

SleepFreeZone Thu 01-Dec-16 14:04:41

Yep I did the same. Had my children eventually in my late thirties but I didn't think I'd meet anyone in time so just made out from 30 onwards that children were not on my agenda whatsoever. People were SO shocked when I did settle down, in fact some of them still express their shock now. I must have been an extremely good actress in the end.

FATEdestiny Thu 01-Dec-16 14:12:57

I have a friend from my childhood. Shes 44 now, been in a long term relationship for 25 ish years. I don't see her often but we do catch up every now and again. In the time I had four children, so the conversation of families did come up.

I have long-since stopped mentioning anything to do with babies to her.

I've never asked and she had never said, but I do quietly wonder if she and her partner have infertility issues. I cringe at assuming that, I know how bigoted I sound to assume a childless couple must be infertile. But it is an assumption I silently make.

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 01-Dec-16 20:37:44

I do this. It used to be true, so it's easy to carry it on but now it's mainly to avoid the abject awkwardness people would feel if you just blurted out "yes actually I do want children, absolutely desperate for them but I'm broken" hmm

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