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Has anyone given up, and made peace with it?

(6 Posts)
JustHereForThePooStories Tue 22-Nov-16 19:47:32

Long story very short:
TTCing for 5 years
SIS, blood tests, SA etc- all fine
"Unexplained" infertility
Acupuncture, SMEP
Next step IVF but opted against at the time, for various reasons
Continued trying naturally for another 18 months and nada

We've taken the past few months to decide what our next steps are. We've reevaluated a lot of things. TTCing took a big toll on our relationship, and it's only now we're seeing through that fog.

We've talked a lot and came to a few conclusions-
We'd love a baby but not at the cost of our relationship
We have a lovely life and has increasingly realised we actually don't feel there's something missing
Other things that we put on hold for the past five years are still very worthwhile and not having a child would mean we could pursue them
Neither of us are prepared to continue the hell that has been TTC

So we've stopped trying. We're more relaxed and actually planning a future based on facts, and not dreams.

It's been about 5 months since we've stopped trying and there hasn't been any wobbles- we've spoken a few times to ensure we're both still happy and we are.

We haven't been using contraception but will probably look at our options over the coming months.

Has anyone stopped TTCing after being unsuccessful? Did you stick with that or end up trying again?

KittyOShea Tue 22-Nov-16 20:04:01

Yes we did a year ago.

TTC for 3 years. No joy- not even a faint line.

Fertility investigations showed DH was fine but I had an extremely low egg reserve. At 42 I am expected to be in full menopause within the year. It was a devastating diagnosis last December, only 3 months after the death of my dad so seemed like adding insult to injury. We were told we could consider donor IVF but after lots of discussion decided it wasn't for us.

Almost a year down the line we have accepted it- maybe easier as at our age it was a long shot anyway.

We, like you, continue not to use protection but would die of shock if anything happened (especially as I've only had 2 periods in the last year).

We are now planning for a different future- looking at career breaks to work overseas and do some travelling. We also try to 'count our blessings' in terms of the things we can do because we're not parents- nights out, holidays, more financially secure, can help out friends and family especially my mum after losing dad. Our relationship is strong to come through everything but also we don't have the exhaustion of both working full time and looking after children and can put each other first so their are plus sides to the situation.

I guess we've realised that the future is not what we wanted but can still be a good future.

Sometimes I worry whether DH regrets having married me because the 'problem' is mine- me over analysing rather than anything he's said or done- but as time goes on I know this isn't the case.

Good luck with whatever way things work out for you.

KittyOShea Tue 22-Nov-16 20:05:30

*there are plus sides

JustHereForThePooStories Tue 22-Nov-16 20:12:20

Thanks Kitty. Best of luck to you too, and sorry to hear about your father.

bastardlyandmutley Fri 25-Nov-16 17:53:25

So sorry to hear your experiences. Unexplained here, was trying for years, failed cycles of Clomid, IVF etc.. Given up actively TTC now though, like you, we don't use contraception. One we don't see the point and two, if I'm very, very honest, there is still the idea that perhaps "it" might happen and I'm therefore not totally comfortable with the idea of contraception.

I feel conflicted generally about having a baby. My heart still desperately wants one but my head says that ship has sailed. I'm older now (DH older still) and I have health issues which mean I would seriously struggle with a newborn. My head says that we ought to look at contraception. However I really struggle with the idea of introducing regular contraception.

I think that I have accepted that I will never have a baby, despite my ridiculous qualms about contraception! However I am still at the desperately sad & empty stage. I do feel relief though that I have freed myself from most of the hope and obviously the relentless shagging, cycle watching, knicker watching, peeing on sticks and ensuing endless squinting at nothing & general devastation at yet another period. I actually have a wry smile these days when my period comes about how non plussed I am. Also so relieved to have my body back and not constantly be at the hospital for fertility appointments. I think that my relationship is better with DH since we let the dream go. We do talk about the benefits of being childless but I would rather have the life we planned with kids.

user1480245482 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:41:52

Sorry to know yr story. A friend of mine has had 3 ivf failed and decided to not to try again.

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