IVF first timer, almost 40, nervous, hopeful, churning heap of emotions

[GardenDreamer]

Hi everybody...
I'm almost 40 (in December) and I'd love to hear some reassurance about IVF in general, egg collection, the medication (Menopur and Centrotide), needles and whether or not I'll completely lose my mind. Firstly - I know ultimately it will be worth it, let's take that as a given (why else would be doing it?) and although the procedures scare me a bit, it's not really bodily discomfort that scares me... I'm really scared of how the hormones will make me feel (I'm AWFUL with PMT, I really suffer with it) and the grinding WAITING produces a churning set of painful emotions. A small range of emotions is this: wild hope and belief in the process, occasions blessed times of calm, then head splitting frustration and rage that I / we have to endure this, hideous impatience, deepening dismay that the end result isn't certain and it might be all pain for no gain and so on...
I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice here as such (forgive me, but I've got advice being placed upon me at every turn) but really I'm seeking reassurance I suppose. Sorry to sound needy. Maybe if you have any positive tips about the medication if you've had the same then I suppose I'd be grateful actually... If it were a simple case of gritting my teeth to get from A to B then it would be easier, but the destination seems so fraught with possible change and cancellation and, basically, heartache. I feel like I've GOT to be optimistic as people seem to almost suggest that it's up to me to make it work by being positive - yet I know that I'll be destroyed if I fail after being positive- so I feel like being positive is too 'emotionally expensive'
Sorry to go on. I'm low today.
I'm almost 40
I'm on day 1 of cycle today, waiting for day 18 to start some tablets. After 10 days of those and a bleed, I'm on the injections...
I'm UK - first round will be NHS.
Kindness appreciated and positivity welcomed.
Thanks for reading... 😊

[allegretto]

I can't remember what medication I had but I didn't really have any side effects - it was fine. Good luck!

[GardenDreamer]

Oh that's good, thank you!!

[HelloMist]

I didn't have any bad side effects either! I was a bit more emotional though only had 1 or 2 days where it got too much. (Needed support from friends or DH). Probably the stress as much as the hormones. And a bit tired. I found the waiting at each stage difficult. Some do have worse side effects but wanted to post that you may be lucky with it.

I was really anxious before my first cycle began but felt a bit better once I got stuck in - for me it was the unknown that was scary, and it was hard to get my head around the protocol until I was actually doing it. I was nervous about injections but soon got used to them.

Egg collection was a bit painful but a lot of people find it OK.

Perhaps you can find support on these boards and not feel alone in this! Is your partner supportive if you have one? Will you tell anyone else?

Good luck!

[HelloMist]

I did try to be as optimistic as I could but on the other hand, realistic. It's good you're aware plans could change. Glad you're able to cycle on the NHS!

[Blondeshavemorefun]

No side effects tho df said I was a moody cow 😉

Didn't bother me injecting myself and df helped sometimes as wants do be involved tho I did bleed and bruise the times he did it

Ec tho was horrendous. Both times in U.K. Very painful :( worst pain I've ever had


I was awake but some clinics do ec under a general. But mine didn't


Sadly both cycles failed - as did another 2 but the 5th (a fet) hit the jackpot and 15w preg and I'm 43

Wishing success for you and don't want to shatter your hopes but often ivf does fail first time at our age. Many clinic do a 3 cycle policy

Tho obv works for some and I hope you will be the lucky ones 💐

[GardenDreamer]

Your description of egg collection has absolutely terrified me.
Another sleepless night for me now.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

I'm sorry 💐 The one person I spoke to about ivf tho she had it years ago she said ec was ok. My experiences at one clinic wasn't

I had no idea you could have a general for ec till went on fertility boards and people surprised I was awake tho drugged

tho as I said my clinic didn't do them

Hoping others will come on and say their ec was ok

Maybe ask if hey do generals for ec

In the end it's about 20/30 mins out of the whole ivf procedure compared to weeks of daily and twice daily injections and scans etc then weeks of drugs if successful - as in a means to an end and hopefully you will be holding your own baby this time next year xx

[GardenDreamer]

Thank you
The clinic I'll be in doesn't do general anaesthetic, I found that out weeks ago and felt quite close to arguing with the staff but not many do apparently. I've been waking up in a cold sweat about it ever since - I'm not especially afraid of needles but there's something about this procedure that really scares me. Others have reassured me that's it's a bit of a non-event though, that the nerves are awful but then the whole thing is a blur. I don't know... I've had two root canal dentistry treatments that really hurt and I still came out of the dentists chair smiling (!) so I think I'll be ok (trust me, having a dentist drill deep down into the roots of your tooth then poke threaded wire into the roots of your tooth to pull out your live nerves is the most pain I've ever felt - and I just dealt with it - so that's my consolation... )
Don't worry though, your comments are appreciated and just confirm worries that are already there. I did have a sleepless night, again, which is my wider worry - not about the pain / discomfort as such but what it's doing to my head... I feel like I'm going overboard on the worry and over thinking the whole thing. Which I know is absolutely wrong...
I think it's basically fear of the unknown + vast amounts of frustration (obviously already been waiting months to get to this stage and I just want to get on with it...)
It's the horrors of the mind that I fear more than the short-lived pain of a theatre table.
Hey ho... thanks for 'listening' and your comments did give me some hope anyway, I'm glad it worked for you and thank you for your well wishes. It's a messed up project isn't it! It's an emotional life...
Best wishes

[Chrisinthemorning]

Your protocol sounds similar to mine.
The drugs were fine. I bought some Emla cream and used it to numb the skin for injections (I'm a wuss).
Cetrotide stings a bit after.
EC was fine, I had sedation- not a GA but no pain and I don't remember it at all.
ET hurt a bit but not terrible, smears hurt me and it was like that.
My tips would be drink lots of water, loads of protein during stimming and acupuncture.
Good luck
Mine worked first time and my DS is 4.

[IntellectualLlama]

EC was fine. I was sedated. It was quick and no pain. The drugs were OK, I got a few headaches, but I am prone to those anyway.

My first cycle was successful, so I was very fortunate.

[GardenDreamer]

THANK YOU!!!!!! You've made my day... good to hear, thank you

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Ec and et is like a smear

Ec not nice but et all 5 times was fine. No pain

Hope that recassures you

3rd cycle diff clinic was uncomfortable but not painful as 1&2.

4&5 fet so no injections or ec. Yah 😁😁

Assume they have done a mock transfer on you?

To make sure can get into your cervix?

[bananafish81]

I've done 4 stims cycles and egg collections and all have been physically a doddle

I was on short protocol with Cetrotide and the only side effect I got was bloating which you get with all protocols as your ovaries swell

The only mood swings I got were on the one cycle where we attempted long protocol (subsequently cancelled due to failure to down reg properly) where the buserelin turned me into a weepy, moody cow. I only got one bollocking at work for my lack of diplomacy filter!!

The emotional side of IVF was and is the worst part by far

EC was a walk in the park and I've had 4. Worst I had was a bit of cramping afterwards that was like period pain

I was home eating biscuits on the sofa 2h after my ECs!!

[bananafish81]

Oh and I didn't have general

I had sedation

I've had 4 ECs with sedation and 3 surgeries with general anaesthetic in the last 12 months

As far as I was concerned there was NO difference at all. Wooze juice went in. Boom. Out. Wake up in recovery.

General anaesthetic requires a tube down your throat so I had a slightly sore throat

Sedation I had an oxygen mask only

Absolutely no recollection whatsoever. Although with sedation I may have been 'conscious' during, as far as I was concerned I was out for the count

I've had several non IVF procedures with 'conscious' sedation and all were the same. First few I didn't know I hadn't had a general anaesthetic!!

[bananafish81]

Root canal was far worse than any of my ECs!!!

[allegretto]

I had sedation for EC. It was a bit uncomfy but nothing terrible.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

I think my original clinic fucked up ec. No oxygen mask. Just injection to Numb area

I have had 2 root canals and would prefer them 😂😂

I could sense the dentist poking about but couldn't feel it

It's strange how clinics vary procedures

U.K. Didn't do mock transfer or check cervix in either cycle

That's the first thing 2nd clinic did

[Chattycat78]

Agree that the emotional suite is far far worse. I found the physical bit fine- it's all the roller coaster itself of its and buts which is the hard bit- how many eggs will you get/fertilise/how many will make it/embryo transfer/two week wait.....

[Chattycat78]

Emotional side not suite!

[bananafish81]

My consultant did a mock transfer in all my cycles - did so during EC so he had 'no surprises' when he got to ET

I'm with a clinic in London

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Exactly bananfish. Makes sense

But with cycle 1&2 I didn't know any diff

[cuddlymunchkin]

Had 3 cycles total, DD as result of cycle 2. No worries re ec - was under sedation and honestly wasn't aware of anything. No adverse reactions to hormones either, only symptoms was a feeling of fullness in the lower abdomen as the ovaries produced many eggs. Good luck!

[Sweetheartyparty76]

I'm 40 and was successful on our second round of ivf and we are awaiting the birth of our baby girl in less than 3 weeks.
I had very few ill effects with ivf except a few bruises. I didn't enjoy the injecting part but it was over in seconds. I had no mood swings but the waiting and the scans take their toll emotionally. The egg collections were a breeze and I didn't need much recovery time. The worst part was waiting for the phone call to find out if any eggs fertilised. I really enjoyed the transfers too and witnessing the very start of life. I may be looking at the whole experience with rose tinted glasses because it worked for us.
Please don't worry about the physical side of it. It really is a rollercoaster though but try to be positive. I felt much happier and optimistic on my second attempt and perhaps it made the difference. Good luck x

[Sweetheartyparty76]

I was sedated for both ec's and I also had 2 cyst aspirations under sedation. I have no recollection for the actual procedures so i have no idea if I was awake. The coming round is a lot easier than when I had general anaesthetic. I was fairly alert after 15 minutes and within an hour I was dressing to go home. Sedation works very well on keeping you comfortable x

[GardenDreamer]

Thank you so much sweetheartyparty76 !!! I think I'm still in a phase of feeling angry that I've got to have IVF which is maybe why I'm so nervous, (I feel like I'm possibly resisting it somehow) but the kindness of your comments has tilted me towards a much more optimistic way of thinking, your positivity was greatly needed - so I thank you for that.
Have a lovely weekend
And wishing the BEST with your wonderful time to come
x