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It's over

(30 Posts)
MehMehM3h Tue 09-Aug-16 22:28:55

We have come to the end of the line...we will never have a child that is ours. Fuck

Msqueen33 Tue 09-Aug-16 22:29:44

I've not been through this but huge hugs 🍷🍫💐

YouSay Tue 09-Aug-16 22:30:00

So sorry Meh flowers

BipBippadotta Wed 10-Aug-16 08:04:58

Meh I am so, so sorry. I am thinking of you and Mr Meh. How are you doing?

blue2014 Wed 10-Aug-16 08:11:10

Oh Meh, I'm so sorry

Kannet Wed 10-Aug-16 08:13:17

I'm sorry. That's hard.

drinkyourmilk Wed 10-Aug-16 08:13:54

meh I am so so sorry to read this. flowers

HopperBusTicket Wed 10-Aug-16 08:18:42

I don't know your story but I'm sorry. That's really hard. Be kind and nurturing to yourselves.

I'd like to ask if you've explored every option but that might not be helpful. For what it's worth, we have a child conceived naturally (after 2 years TTC and a laparoscopy that diagnosed and treated endometriosis) and a child conceived using donor egg IVF (5 year age gap although we started TTC when our eldest was 12 months). I would have looked into adoption but my husband wouldn't consider it.

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend Wed 10-Aug-16 08:19:27

I'm so sorry.

flowers

bananafish81 Wed 10-Aug-16 09:00:24

Thinking of you lovely. Wish I could say something helpful, but there ain't nuthin.

Love and strength xxx

Tollygunge Wed 10-Aug-16 09:04:52

I'm really sorry to hear this. I've been there so know how it feels. You say you won't have a child that's yours, but think about what that means. A child you love and nurture and care for will be 'yours' regardless of how he/she enters your life x

BiggerBoatNeeded Wed 10-Aug-16 09:23:25

So sorry Meh flowers. Is there something specific that has triggered this?

MehMehM3h Wed 10-Aug-16 09:38:01

Thanks all, there's really nothing to say, I just wish I could stop crying!

bip I'm numb, really, really sad. Mr Meh feels like a failure and unfortunately, no words from me will change that.

hopper we have MFI, I'm apparently ok. Sperm quality and quantity is low. Our best option right now is donor sperm and I just don't know how I feel about that. Mr Meh says it's fine because he doesn't want to be the reason I can't get pregnant...but I don't know...

tolly I know where you're coming from and I have been there - I've pretty much raised my little cousins and sometimes feel like their mother rather than their cousins. I wanted our child - that looked like me and my husband, that I carried. I don't know if we will look into donor sperm or adoption or anything else in the future but right now, I think we need to process this somehow.

MehMehM3h Wed 10-Aug-16 09:40:55

biggerboat we recently had a round of ICSI/IMSI and it resulted in total fertilisation failure. Our consultant suggested the PLC Zeta test to see if Mr Meh's sperm lacks a particular enzyme which aids fertilisation. He took the test and we were told yesterday that the scientists couldn't analyse it because of the low sperm content...this is in line with all of his previous tests (dna fragmentation, semen tests) and with the results of the two cycles we have had.

They think that the fertilisation failure is to do with sperm quality rather than the lack of this particular enzyme (they are still testing his saliva but really, what's the point?).

YouAreMyRain Wed 10-Aug-16 09:48:35

I understand. For me the only point of having birth children was for them to be a mixture of me and my (now ex) DH. Looking back that view was naive and romanticised.

We went down the adoption route.

Adopting is very much a lottery. Our two DD are wonderful but are also very damaged by their pre and post birth early experiences, even though they were not really with their birth families for any length of time.

The pressure ended up in us divorcing and I am now a single parent that can't work due to my children's significant additional needs.

I hope you find a way that works for you flowers

BipBippadotta Wed 10-Aug-16 10:10:03

flowers to you and Mr Meh. Nothing for it but time, to process what's happened and what it means. Huge hugs for you both and wishing hard for you find a way through this & be happy.

Jackie0 Wed 10-Aug-16 10:19:15

I'm so sorry Men.
We came to the same point 8 years ago after 4 failed icsi cycles.
I experienced something like bereavement and the 5 stages of grief were pretty accurate in my case.
It takes time but I don't feel like that anymore.
My dh and I are happy even if we feel like we came through a war.
It will get better , it will always be a source of sadness of course but you will make a life.

Chocolateandwineplease27 Wed 10-Aug-16 10:30:27

so sorry meh. I remember you posting about your last cycle and thinking how heart breaking it would have been. Thoughts are with you both xxx

Zenzie Wed 10-Aug-16 10:36:53

Oh, how heartbreaking. Be good to yourself.

miamiaMo Wed 10-Aug-16 11:57:34

I am so sorry Sending hugs

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 10-Aug-16 15:48:21

It's crap but you still have options. Whether donor sperm or adoption

I feel it's nurture not nature so yes biologically the baby won't be hubbys but he will be their dad in every other sense

I know how you feel. After 4 failed private I did think about donor eggs as I was 42 , but always told I had good eggs for a bird my age

but the 5th cycle fet worked - currently just under 7w

But if all failed and if I could afford it I would have done donor eggs as I would still be their mum just as your man would be dad

Go for a consultation - don't Demiss it yet x

ppandj Wed 10-Aug-16 15:56:12

I'm sorry flowers be kind to yourselves and let yourself feel what you need to feel. Can you and your H take some time away to help you process this?

BiggerBoatNeeded Wed 10-Aug-16 17:53:03

It sounds like you've been through such a gruelling process and hit some horrible obstacles on your way, I'm not surprised you feel like giving up. Perhaps you don't need to make a final decision now? That being said, I sometimes find myself wishing I could just stop all this and start trying to live real life child free if that's how it's going to ultimately end up. Whatever you end up doing I hope you find some peace.

MehMehM3h Wed 10-Aug-16 18:06:40

I know there are other options and that's fine but we wanted a child that was genetically/biologically ours. Unless there is a miracle or some kind of treatment that would somehow make Mr Meh's sperm be better and do their thing...it's not going to happen. That avenue is pretty much closed for us.

Donor sperm/adoption/fostering etc are valid choices and I admire everyone who goes down that road. It isn't want we wanted/hoped for and it is going to take time to move forward before we make any other decisions re these options.
Right now, I am just so sad that we won't have our own child, I wish we were told that we could never have a child of our own last year...IVF/ICSI just gave us fucking false hope.

ppandj we have two weeks off booked next month...but it was going to be a cheap and cheerful holiday - on the basis that we might need money for another round of ICSI...I don't know what we'll do now.

Thanks jackie0 it's daft but it feels like I have lost someone/thing, I can't describe it except to say that my heart just feels like it's breaking.

Jackie0 Thu 11-Aug-16 15:11:59

Not daft at all.
I regret feeling guilty and embarrassed about my feelings at that time, I was far too concerned what people thought and unsure if I was allowed to react the way I did.
If I was to go through it again I wouldn't give a rat's arse what anyone thought.
Adoption isn't for us either, and I'm an adoptee.

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