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How did you tell people?

(9 Posts)
Modestandatinybitsexy Tue 19-Jul-16 13:53:36

I've been ttc over 2 years. Since last year I've been going for more and more tests at the drs. Each time I get a result the more I'm moving down the infertility trail.

I've just discovered I've got PCOS. I'm obese with a BMI of 39 so even though I've been referred to a fertility clinic it's unlikely that anything's going to happen until I can shift this weight.

I feel so responsible. And I'm finding it so hard to lose any weight, only a couple of lbs a month.

I've outlined my issues to people at work (because of the appts.) but I have no idea how to go about broaching the fact with friends and family.

I'm quite a private person and I don't think I could bear the weight of peoples expectations. It's bad enough every time AF arrives when only DH and I know about it.

But, if I get any further into treatment, my DM would be upset to find out she didn't know or if she finds out accidentally.

Also FIL in particular is so enamoured with 1st GC (BIL) that EVERY TIME he sees me he asks when he's getting GC#2 from us.

Any examples about how's best to come clean? Is that the best thing to do or will I get inappropriate comments and sympathetic "has it happened yet?"

Thecatswhiskers33 Tue 19-Jul-16 19:16:06

I had iui 2 years ago and was excited i told everyone. When it didnt work everone was asking me how it went and i had to tell them all it didnt work. And broke my heart everytime. Im start ivf this week and decided to only tell 2 close friends and my family. But everyone is different x
I had to lose a stone before i could start. I tried doing it alone. In the end i joined weight watchers and lost it in a month ..i think its because someone else weights you. And maybe go with a friend x

Thecatswhiskers33 Tue 19-Jul-16 19:19:18

I mean someone weighs you. So you stick to the diet more smile

MrsLoisLane Tue 19-Jul-16 23:15:00

Were not telling anyone. Their glee would be too much to bear

ILoveMyMonkey Tue 19-Jul-16 23:55:43

Pcos sufferer here too, tried for 2 years for first and currently at 3 years for second. I got so pissed off with being asked when are you having a baby? When are you having number two etc that now I just reply with "I'd love a baby but mother nature seems to have different ideas". Instantly shuts the fuckers up and people have stopped going on about it now!

With loved ones could you be quite matter of fact about it as in "this is the situation, I want you to know but I don't really want to discuss it, I'll update you on developments as and when."

Infertility is really rubbish, I hope it happens for you soon.

Modestandatinybitsexy Wed 20-Jul-16 12:30:41

Thanks guys. It's comforting knowing there's a whole world of people feeling the same as me but IRL I'm feeling very lonely.

I don't think I'll tell anyone. I couldn't handle the pressure. I'm fed up of thinking about it, I don't think talking to people about it would make that any better.

DM and I aren't very close any way. I was more worried it would push her further away if she felt she'd been excluded.

On the other hand I'm excluding everyone...

delilahbucket Wed 20-Jul-16 18:47:10

My close family and friends know we're ttc. I've only told those I know will not ask me if I'm pregnant yet every five minutes! Only my mum and two closest friends know the full extent of our journey. I've told dp he's going to have to tell his mum because she hints at babies all the flipping time and I'm getting a bit annoyed with it now!
I wear my heart on my sleeve and always share too much, but funnily enough I've gone off sharing when it comes to infertility. Mostly because I don't want to be told "if you just relax..." blah blah blah from the person who sneezes and gets pregnant! I've debated about speaking to my sister in law purely for advice as I know she had problems conceiving dc1 so I know she would understand. Not quite plucked up the courage yet though!

GipsyDanger Wed 20-Jul-16 18:51:26

Modes, I don't know if it's any help to you, but the only diet that worked for me was Lighter Life, I lost 4 stones on it. Once I'm finished BF my ds I'll be going back on it to lose my pregnancy weight. The big thing for me is that it has councelling with it that looks into why you have a bad relationship with food. The one thing I've learned with mumsnet is that you are never alone flowers

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 22-Jul-16 15:43:25

Friends and close family knew we would be doing ivf

Told people the first two cycles and then telling them it failed was bloody hard

So next 2 cycles DF and I didn't tell anyone and yes they both failed sad so 4 in all but easier both times as didn't have to tell anyone or have People ask

I have left it then I said as and when if I'm ever pregnant I will tell you. Too then never ask me

I think you need to say to inlaws /mum that you are having difficulties and may need to have ivf and please don't ask about children as you will tell them as and when

Not sure if private is possible. I also said no but we have scrimped and saved and spent £25k on failed attempts but they are more flexible on higher bmi's

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