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6 years of infertility, feeling confused about future treatments

(21 Posts)
motherchuckinhen16 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:56:37

I feel like I am at a crossroads.
6 years of TTC, unexplained infertility, DH sperm is normal.
Had 2 rounds IVF 2 years ago. 1st was BFN 2nd ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks.
Felt very depressed at that time and decided no more IVF as I found it very tough mentally and physically and we had no frozen embryo s. I am really strong again now and in a good place with a job I love. However, I still long for a baby of my own, so much so that I'm even considering restarting treatment. Have also looked into adoption. DH will not say what he wants, as in can't make a decision except he wants us to have a baby of our own. Just feel so confused like I don't have answers to anything not even why I'm infertile in the first place.
Has anyone else felt like this? The thought of going back to clinics to reproduced and poked even for further testing or treatment leaves me cold, it's so hard to know what to do now.

BipBippadotta Fri 01-Jul-16 14:43:41

Hello there. Very sorry you're in this situation. I know how it feels. After a full term stillbirth & 3 miscarriages (including one after an IVF cycle) I felt like I had to give up or I would tear myself & my marriage apart. Then the dust settled for a couple of months and I began to get my life back a bit, stopped temping & OPKs and was beginning to feel a bit more alive... and then the terrible bit of hope came back and bit me on the arse, that if we gave it just one last try, it might just work this time. It's torture & I wish I knew how to get past it. This month is the last month I could possibly get pregnant and have a baby before I turn 40, so I feel that has to be a final stopping point. Here with a handhold for you as you try to feel your way through it.

BipBippadotta Fri 01-Jul-16 14:46:30

Also - might be worth getting the 'hidden infection' tests at the Serum fertility clinic in Athens. Sometimes 'unexplained' infertility is caused by uterine infections they don't test for on the NHS, and a course of antibiotics can sort it out. It's relatively inexpensive as these things go & may be worth a try.

motherchuckinhen16 Fri 01-Jul-16 18:29:53

Hi Bip thanks so much for replying and so sorry to hear what you have been through. I feel like my thinking has got a lot clearer today after remembering why I made the decision to stop treatments and move on 2 years ago. Infertility and loss is such a dark and lonely place to be and every fail and loss takes a little piece of the happy person you used to be away. I think it's human nature to always want what we haven't got and in our quest for our own baby we can end us being miserable lonely and depressed. This is what happened to me.
I am lucky to have children in my life through my work and I do have a great marriage home and family so am luckier than a lot of people out there.
I think adoption may be a possibility in the future when the time is right. Your post about undetected infections has intrigued me, is there no where in the uk that can do these tests?

BipBippadotta Fri 01-Jul-16 20:02:47

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head - every disappointment takes a little bit more of your confidence and resilience until you're down to a little nub. That's what I've felt anyway. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit clearer about your decision again. Protecting the good things you already have in your life is a positive choice, I think.

The infection tests aren't done in the UK, but you can do them remotely by sending a sample to the Greek clinic. You have to send them your menstrual blood (this is to detect infection higher up in the uterus, that might not be detected in a vaginal swab) - so it can feel a bit witchcrafty - but I found it helpful to feel I'd looked into everything. You can find the information on the Serum clinic website.

motherchuckinhen16 Fri 01-Jul-16 22:00:34

Wish I had known a few years ago about the serum clinic. I am afraid that even going for more tests now will be like opening Pandoras Box and getting the hope back. I guess I scared of getting hurt again through raised hopes and more disappointment. Don't want to burst my bubble. Been having a huge wobble last few days. Might even be an early mid life crisis lol!

Grittzio Fri 01-Jul-16 22:30:14

Have been there OP, it is shit and I still don't think I've got over those 6 long years of trying/hoping even though I have DS after 2nd IVF, which I really didn't want to go through as had such a shit time on first IVF but obviously very glad I did. However that was it he was going to be an only, then I decided to see a chiropractor as had been having back pain on and off for years, apparently my pelvis was out and was probably out when I gave birth to DS as had very difficult birth, chiropractor did some pelvis work for about 4 mths, then I had different type of back pain all around my sacrem, back to chiro, who suggested I could be pregnant, took a test and I was, DD was conceived 3 years after DS, no birth control being used in this time, took 9 years to achieve a natural pregnancy and seems very strange it happened after Chiro treatment, maybe my twisted pelvis was the cause of my infertility as my husband and I were both unexplained. I remember all the success stories people kept throwing at me thinking it was never going to happen, I tried all sorts of alternative treatments thinking that each one would be the one that helped achieve my dream, researching all success stories etc. I just wanted to let you know what worked for me and you know what I met people along the way, at the IVf clinc, and one way or another we have all ended up being parents, some through IVF, one through adoption, you will get there one way or another. Good luck.

BipBippadotta Sat 02-Jul-16 08:45:44

Yes, while I'm glad I did the tests at Serum for all sorts of reasons (it's sorted out DH who has had blood in his urine for years & always been brushed off without investigations by our GP), doing so has opened up something of a Pandora's Box for us. But we've agreed to stop trying after this month - at which point we'd have been ttc for nearly 6 years.

mouldycheesefan Sat 02-Jul-16 08:52:42

We ttc for five hard years, 4 cycles of icsi at two different clinics, immunological treatment and ultimately twins. If cycle 4 had not worked we would have had one more cycle then stopped.
Deciding whether to recommence treatment is a hard decision, we had gaps of a year or so between our was very hard and the lowest point in my life. But deciding to recommence treatment brings with it the roller coaster of hope and disappointment and it's something that you have to go at all guns blazing. Ultimately you have had two cycles and that is a relatively low number plus you have been able to conceive. If you decide to go again research your clinics carefully and go for one where they will throw everything at it.💐

motherchuckinhen16 Mon 04-Jul-16 13:46:32

Bip thank you for your suggestion for Serum I have sent them a sample today for the hidden infections test. It felt very weird telling the middle aged gent who runs our post office what was in the package lol! Bit gross tbh but if it means we are closer to our answer to the riddle of unexplained infertility it will be worth it.
So far the lady from Serum has been really helpful and we may go out for a consultation to get further scans and tests done. I just want some answers. I have waited and wondered forlong enough.
I have decided natural only though no more IVF and we will see what happens. I always imagine that I am pregnant just before my period comes, hormones sent to mess with my head, almost like a phantom. Pregnancy does anyone else experience this?

BipBippadotta Mon 04-Jul-16 14:01:02

You should get results back pretty quickly once they receive the sample. Penny at Serum is absolutely lovely, and not at all of the hard-sell school of fertility treatment you tend to get here - she'll support your decision not to pursue IVF and won't hassle you / scaremonger you into anything.

Yes, I always get the imaginary pregnancy symptoms before my period arrives. Even once we'd stopped actively trying. It's torture. I keep willing that last little hope to die so I can spend my energies on something happier.

Elbbob Sun 10-Jul-16 00:43:59

Hello Motherchuck and Bip I read this thread with interest - I've also been ttc for 6.5 years, 2 ivf attempts one recent miscarriage. I'm now 40. In sorry for everything you have both been through.
I am thinking about the Serum tests too and wondered if you could answer a couple of questions - what did you send the sample in? And what postage did you use? I can't bring myself to spend £75 on special delivery if not necessary - what did you say was in the package at the post office?

WootyWoo Sun 10-Jul-16 09:22:14

Hi motherchuckinhen16 I'm so sorry for your struggle and absolutely identify with the thought of treatment leaving you cold. The feeling of failure really picks away at your self esteem and I can't wait until I'm done with it all - one way or another. I hope you find some answers and are able to move forward.

Elbob Just wanted to say, I sent my period in a 50p sample pot I picked up in Boots (any chemist will have them). You have to add a few drops of saline - also purchased at a chemist. I posted it normal tracked post (I wanted to know when it arrived) and it cost around £8. I didn't declare what it was and was really nervous going into the post office. When the postie joked about sending an empty box to Greece (it was really light when he weighed it), I panicked and very unnecessarily blurted out that it was silk flowers!! I'm such a twit sometimes. It arrived fine. So sorry for your recent miscarriage x

Elbbob Sun 10-Jul-16 10:08:45

Thanks Wooty that's really helpful - they always ask you what you are sending in my PO so I was wondering what to say!

motherchuckinhen16 Sun 10-Jul-16 19:57:54

I sent mine in a plastic urine sample container, then in a clear plastic bag then scrunched up newspapers to protect it from getting cracked inside a small cardboard box. Sent it for £3.50 at post office. When he asked I said it was a 'blood sample' he didn't say anything tho just to put it on the scales and off it went. According to post office guy it's supposed to take up to 3 days but Serum says it's more like 10 to 14 via post office. Depending on results I may go out there for there Aqua scan and or hysteroscopy too, either way I am on a mission to find out what's wrong down there now as this unexplained bollocks from NHS tests is totally unsatisfactory and I want to know if whatever the problem is will affect my General health long term. Have been reading a book called is my body baby friendly? And it has got me thinking about all the reasons for infertility and miscarriage mainly to do with previously undetected immunity problems that can cause a whole range of other medical problems so I feel it's really important now to get answers. I am a woman on a new mission :-)

bananafish81 Sun 10-Jul-16 20:53:53

Mother I got all the level 2 immunes tests (aka the Chicago tests) which are in the thousands of pounds at the likes of ARGC, done with Locus Medicus, the lab who Serum use for the menstrual blood test - for €300. I just got the blood drawn and shipped overnight by TNT for £40, and got the results back within days

You do need to have a Dr / clinic who will prescribe immunes treatment if anything is identified, as they're just a lab. I used the Alan Beer book to help me interpret the results.

motherchuckinhen16 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:17:49

It's great that Serum and the labs they use can do all this extra testing for such reasonable prices. I have suggested to the husband that we go for a little holiday to Athens for some winter sun and combine with the trip to Serum grin

bananafish81 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:56:29

Definitely! I see so many rave reviews about Serum, Penny seems to be really brilliant. A lot of women who've had failed cycles at the likes of ARGC seem to go to Serum as a 'last chance saloon', and they do seem to get terrific results. They also seem very strong on male factor - so many clinics overlook the sperm quality, and Penny's sperm improvement protocol also seems to get results

I can't speak highly enough about my dealings with Locus Medicus - the Dr I was liaising with even offered to sort out shipping for me if he could get it for cheaper!

miamiaMo Mon 11-Jul-16 11:35:53

Good luck and ultimately successful treatment whatever you decide. Keep all my fingers and toes crossed. xx

loveyogalovelife Fri 11-Nov-16 06:52:20

Have you had a hysteroscopy with camera in womb? Check it's all ok - scars won't show up on other tests

I'm in perfect fertile health but scars = Asherman's Syndrome and I Can't carry a baby

Took YEARS to find out

Safra72 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:32:41

Hi there,

I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Due to my age we were referred immediately (I was 34 but had been trying 2 years), after round one of ivf I was advised to read 'is your body baby friendly' by Dr Alan beer. Best thing I ever did! By sheer luck I came across and explored the 'Chicago ' tests that Care fertility at Nottingham were doing and insisted we had them.... (go on their forum and you'll find it) they wanted us to do 2 more ivf before doing them so we had to really be firm and insist.

Turned out we had a bunch of issues that meant while I can conceive fairly readily my body immediately rejects it and I basically have a heavy period before even a test would show a pregnancy. (This is high natural killer cells)

We had a further round of ivf that failed as they reduced my meds but shouldn't have (we got no eggs) but round three produced our beatiful son who is now almost 6. I was 38 when I had him.

We decided to try again when I was 42 and as Apirin (75mg) was part of my protocol decided to try taking it. Got pregnant first cycle; chemical pregnancy, fell again second cycle but mc at 8 weeks and after being told care would not support a natural pregnancy with immune drugs tried once more, 3 months later but mc again at 11 weeks.

Decided to stop trying but recently had a change of heart and at 44 visited care to discuss treatment - was devastated to find that they would have supported me if I'd called when I was pregnant - they have no idea why I was told the opposite. Anyways we are current taking aspirin again and trying to conceive - as soon as we do I'll be back there for the immune drugs.

My essential points are - google and explore aspirin-if you haven't already. We tried a total 8 years without aspirin yet fell pregnant on it 3 times in 6 months! (even with the mc's it still felt like a step up!)
Read the book "is your body baby friendly'" by dr Alan beer.
Look into Care fertility and Chicago test' - I found out about it on the forum and we wouldn't have our ds had I not been nosy!

Best of luck.

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