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Would it be wrong to lie to DH?

(6 Posts)
Theonlywayis Fri 17-Jun-16 15:09:03

Dh and I would love another child. We have 19 month old twins who were conceived after 6 rounds of Ivf. Took us 5 years and a whole lot of stress, almost to the point of breaking us up.
We are now obviously in a thousand times better place and have both agreed that we would love another baby.
We have stopped using contraception but neither of us are really expecting anything to happen given our history. The problem is Dh wants us to do nothing other than that because he's worried we might end up back in the same black place as before.
I think honestly that's completely pointless and I am considering charting and monitoring Cm and using opks etc without telling him. I really don't think that would be successful either but we would potentially have more chance. Would that be unfair to him? It does feel very deceitful but I'm confident that if he doesn't know it wouldn't stress him out and I can't imagine that for me it would become all consuming either since we have our amazing twins and so if nothing happens then fine, we have 2 beautiful children.
Apologies if this wasn't really the right forum for this one. I wasn't really sure if this should have gone in conception or here...
Any advice or thoughts welcome.
Thank you

FaithAscending Fri 17-Jun-16 15:16:22

I understand your position. We have DD, conceived after 2 years 8 months TTC (reversible male fertility issues). We are talking about trying for another but DH wants no charting/OPKs etc for the same stress reasons. It's likely that getting that data would aide conception but personally I won't be doing it (temping woke DH anyway!) because I'm respecting his wishes. I'm just recording my Cycles so we have an idea of when I might ovulate.

BestBeastie Fri 17-Jun-16 18:50:04

I would say that no matter how much you try it will be very difficult 1. to keep it entirely from him and 2. not to get yourself immersed in TTC if you do go down the temping TTC route.

Can you compromise? I've found that I know my body much better after 2-3 months of OPK/CM watching? Why don't you come clean and say - " I want to do this for 2-3 months just to get to know your body and then we can see how it goes".

I bet you'd hate keeping a secret from him anyway. And it would stress you out.

Amara123 Sun 19-Jun-16 19:21:56

I don't think the research indicates that opks etc actually increase chances of getting pregnant. Also as someone in the middle of ivf right now I can totally understand your husbands mindset. Could you do all that monitoring and not get into mad conception mode (we have to do it now!!! Etc etc). Infertility is tough on a relationship and on having a normal sex life and you have done amazingly to come through that. I'd protect all that above all else if I were you. Wishing you the best and hope you get lucky!

maggiethemagpie Sun 19-Jun-16 19:31:29

Won't you be able to tell when you are ovulating anyway because of your vaginal secretions changing? ( I always notice when mine do). So it may not be something you can avoid 'knowing' even if you don't use OPKs.

blue2014 Mon 20-Jun-16 13:38:21

You need to partly consider the impact charting will have on you. When I monitored (pointless, it wouldn't have happened without IVF for us) it made me much more stressed and I got very upset if DH didn't want to DtD at the 'right' time. I hated charting, it made me insane (I actually preferred IVF confused) but think of you as well as him

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