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How can I help support my friends?

(7 Posts)
GaryWilmotsWedding Thu 02-Jun-16 10:27:18

Some good friends of ours are about to embark on their first round of IVF. They are quite private people and not given to talking their feelings through too much, which I completely respect. I would like to send something however, to show that we care, and let them know we are thinking of them. Obviously I will write a card to go with it, but I am a bit of a gusher when it comes to emotional stuff and I don't want to make them feel that they need to share details with us because I have rambled on in a card, so I thought the gesture of sending something might be better. I was wondering if a little hamper with a few things they like might be nice, or does that seem a bit odd and trivialising things? We have had our own issues with pregnancy loss in the last year and I know that just saying something, showing concern was what mattered to me, but I can't pretend to know how they must be feeling in totally different circumstances. I don't want to offend or intrude but I really want to show we care. So, to those beginning/undergoing IVF, is there something you would like to receive from a friend? Many thanks for your help.

cheapredwine Thu 02-Jun-16 21:24:40

You sound so lovely OP, a very thoughtful friend.

It's a tricky one though. Especially if it's their 1st cycle when it's all new and utterly terrifying. I don't think something like a hamper would trivialise things, but...I'm not entirely sure whether it's the right thing either TBH. IBut that's quite possibly just me being weird.

If it was me I think I'd just send a card - and would probably prefer to receive that too. I honestly don't think there's any need for a gift.

Hyland Thu 02-Jun-16 22:03:13

Maybe a journal to jot down her feelings during the process or even just a log of stats and results during the process.

With a card and say whilst you appreciate that she may not want to air her laundry in public you have been told a journal can be a way for her to vent and get her head round it all. Or to keep all those important pieces of information. How many follicles, what sizes they are at each scan, how many eggs collected, how many were mature, how many fertilised, how many reached to a day 5 blast.

What the consultant recommended and what dose of drugs. What day was she told to increase or decrease.

People so often forget what result the Amh blood test came back as. Or what the morphology result was on the semen test.

bananafish81 Thu 02-Jun-16 23:27:32

Echoing the ladies above

Stuff I've got for friends going through IVF (and which others have got me for my cycles) includes fun socks to wear for egg collection and embryo transfer, and nice things for the two week wait (adult colouring books and pencils were especially appreciated, anything to keep yourself distracted and calm is hugely helpful)

These may not be right for your friend but just things I appreciated and which went down well with friends

Hyland Thu 02-Jun-16 23:57:30

I agree the compression socks for egg collection.

Or a book: It starts with an Egg, lots of people on here recommend this.

cheapredwine Sat 04-Jun-16 09:42:00

Love the socks idea! And the journal is great too. I'd personally avoid the 'It starts with the egg' though - might be a little bit crossing a line IMHO, a bit too involved. I'd have been upset I think if someone had bought that for me, as though it was saying I wasn't somehow doing enough? But again, might well just be me being oversensitive / weird.

GaryWilmotsWedding Mon 06-Jun-16 10:58:17

Thank you SO much - these are exactly the sort of practical tips I was after. I love the socks and journal ideas, and I think she will like them too. Helpful and slightly amusing, which is a good note to strike! I think I might leave the book as agree with cheapredwine as I don't want to come across as trying to get involved, I just want to show I care. I'll keep it in mind though for the future, thank you.

Thanks again ladies, and sorry for the delay in replying. Summer sun has meant a lovely few days out and about and not online!

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