Which part of ivf is meant to be exciting?(8 Posts)
Grrr! When I say to people "we need to have ivf" why do people respond with "how exciting"?!?! Seriously?! The reaction I expect is "I'm sorry to hear that" ... Wtf could be exciting about needing ivf? What am I missing?
Having been through IVF, I didn't want friends being "sad" or "sorry" for me. I much preferred upbeat responses which reflected the fact that starting IVF was a positive step after years of unexplained infertility. I'm not sure"excited" would be quite the right word, but infinitely better than "Oh no that is awful".
But I guess this is what makes talking about IVF such a difficult and very personal subject...we all want/need something different.
I got this too, delivery of a huge box of drugs - oh how exciting! Er no. It's really not, I'd rather stick needles in my ... Oh wait. I think people don't realise how low success rates are, I guess if it worked 90% of the time then it would be exciting. The other one I hate is 'be positive'. It somehow manages to imply it's my attitude that's causing the problem, and makes me feel I need to keep any negativity/fear/angst bottled up like a good infertile. And being positive just sets you up for a massive disappointment if you aren't in the small percentage of lucky ones, be realistic is surely much more helpful. Grr. Rant over!
People think IVF is forgone conclusion that you will get a baby on your first round. When or if you don't, you can sense they are thinking, oh dear something must be seriously wrong with you ! They have no idea of stats or the stress or the cost and time off work needed for appointments.
I found being positive meant total heart brake when we failed. When I tried to force myself to be more skeptical, i started to wonder if me not being so up beat was a sign of me not really wanting to do this. Totally messed with my head for a bit. We both realised that it is impossible for us to go through the process without getting our hopes up, despite the devastating impact it would have, if we fail.
The unhelpful comment i always here is relax it will happen. Grrrr
People are just trying to be nice and I do understand that.
Just like I know some people presume it is the woman that has caused the fertility issue!
IVF is a mix of emotions for us positive and excited to be taking a step in the right direction, felt like we had a little more control. Taking time off work was stressful, the 2ww is torture. IVF impacts your sex life, suddenly you keep being told not to have sex.
It is different for everyone going through this.
I think it's pretty impossible for anyone to say the right thing. They are usually very aware of avoiding looking nosey by asking anything that touches on your fertility problems, and the 'how exciting' is really a gasp for air as they wonder what the right thing to say is. 'Relax it will happen' is awful, as it does imply that if you just calmed down and got a grip nature would sort it out, which obviously is not the case! Whatever you say, whatever they say, it's a really draining process and if you're going through it now you have all my best wishes and hugs
Hyland I was super positive for my first round and ended up with a chemical pregnancy which was pretty devastating. I am aiming for a more relaxed it probably wont happen attitude next time but I can feel myself starting to think whats the point? I've already accepted it wont work. Very hard to achieve the right balance! What a hard process, no wonder its so hard to say the right thing as we dont even know what to think to all
I don't get this either. No part of IVF was exciting for me. Particularly the end bit where it didn't work. I had various people insist that it was exciting, and not understand why I was being so 'negative' about it. In my bitterer moments I used to think, one day when you have to have some experimental medical treatment with only a 15-20% success rate, I'll make sure to be at your side tirelessly bellowing at you to cheer up.
I do hope it goes well for you, OP.
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