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Relationships and infertility.

(6 Posts)
Hfuz888 Fri 13-May-16 14:20:20

My and my husband have been trying for a baby for over a year now and no luck. I have pcos my husband is fine. Clomid didn't work currently giving myself injections. Only problem is all we seem to do is argue mostly about sex. How did other couples over come this I don't want us to be destroyed by infertility sad

fieldfare Fri 13-May-16 14:27:10

We stopped trying. We'd been ttc for 7 years, all unexplained, 6 miscarriages. I've had PCOS in the past but am testing as fine now. Dh is all good. I've got a Dd from previous marriage and we can't afford private ivf.
I had become obsessed, it was a roller coaster and my stress levels were ridiculous. It's no way to live and in the end I felt I wasn't enjoying my life now, only living in hope for what might never be.

Can you access some counselling perhaps to help you and your Dh through it all?

Hyland Sat 14-May-16 15:43:13

Argue about sez in what way?

With regards to it being a good time and then him being tired type thing?!

Hfuz888 Sat 14-May-16 20:03:45

I've suggested we go see the councillor at the fertility centre.
We argue about actually doing it sometimes, saying it's the same feels like a chore just refuses etc

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy Sat 14-May-16 22:12:16

For me and DH, we discussed it when we started treatment and just agreed its on 'must do' list instead of the 'want to' one for now. We try and laugh about it as much as we can (as in he will get into bed, tell me he's tired so he'll have to rush / tell me he did the work last time so it's my turn today etc). It's hard OP, very very hard. When my fertile time is over we stop altogether for a bit (usually about a week) and the general affection falls off a bit because we are exhausted / stressed but then we go back to cuddling in the evening and use part of the tww to have the type of sex that doesn't make babies, which reaffirms its because we want to instead of have to iyswim.

The only way this works is if you can really talk about it - accept that you feel stressed that it's not easy, that hormones will be kicking your arse and DH feels like sperm donor and work together to make sure you give each other what you need flowers

Hyland Sun 15-May-16 08:05:14

I found that by telling my partner when i was at high (4days before) and peak fertility (2 days) helped.

Whether we're getting ready for work or it is a weekend. I'll pee on the stick, get my flashing smiley face on ovulation test or fixed smiley face.

Then tell him or text him lol, flashing smiley face this morning.

Usually he would either come do the business or text reply can it wait until tonight?

I also discussed with him whilst the two of us was out having a meal. How i feel bad almost demanding he hops to it and then it seeming like a chore and not as enjoyable. He said that at least with the test we know we cant miss that window, has to be within that time frame.

I said that when I'm On or during the time we're waiting to see if it has worked that month. We can happily do other stuff so that it doesnt always feel like we're forced to do the one thing.

You would think this would be just automatic and not need to be said. However saying it aloud did give a sense of it not being just about getting a baby at the end of all this.

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