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when is enough enough?

(8 Posts)
Oooblimey Fri 01-Apr-16 12:54:55

Today had a scan (9 weeks) and discovered the heartbeat has stopped. With this pregnancy I had very strong nausea for 3 weeks. It suddenly stopped a few days ago so in my heart I knew.
This pregnancy was from FET.
This is my 5th miscarriage. I just feel drained. Is it time to just give up?

8angle Fri 01-Apr-16 14:25:03

I am so sorry this has happened flowers.

Only you can make that decision, my only advice would be not to make any decision right now, take a bit of time.

bananafish81 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:25:59

I am so so so very sorry

My heart is aching for you.

My friends who have had 4 miscarriages each, one having had 3 miscarriages in the space of 11 months are both now finally staying pregnant (so far, both have passed 12 weeks) after they went private and got tested and treated for immunes

The NHS was useless for RPL as if you don't have thrombophilia they basically say it's just bad luck and keep trying. The NHS doesn't 'believe' in immunes but women with recurrent miscarriage who finally stay pregnant once the receive the right treatment would disagree

I don't know if you've had immunes testing or treatment but I would definitely see a specialist like Mr Shehata (the miscarriage clinic) if not.

I had a MMC 3 weeks ago, I can only imagine the pain of your 5th. I hope you and your partner can be kind to yourselves thanks xxx

bananafish81 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:28:49

If you're already doing IVF (I am too) then Dr Gorgy will treat for immunes separately if you want to stay with your current clinic for IVF. He also does IVF as well as immunes. ARGC are of course the big guns too. Thinking of you xxx

Oooblimey Fri 01-Apr-16 19:38:49

Hi bananafish, I hope you're doing ok, I was on the thread you did for pregnant people a few weeks ago, I really was sorry to read about your MC, was gutted for you.
My DH has a chromosome translocation which causes the foetus to have severe disabilities, hence I MC. If we try again we can have the embryo tested before being implanted. But at the minute I just don't know if I can do it all again. We've been ttc for 6 years. I think we need to draw a line under it but DH wants to try again. We'll discuss, he has been very supportive and made it clear that he will support whatever my choice. Maybe it's all too raw at the mo xx

bananafish81 Fri 01-Apr-16 19:44:56

I think that makes complete sense. Can you and DH get away on holiday at all? Definitely take some time out to focus on your relationship and away from the constant treadmill of TTC / fertility Tx. It's brutal.

Definitely take time to heal and trite and sappy as it sounds, to reconnect with each other (and indeed yourselves) - it's easy to forget who you are, rather than just 'an infertile'. At least that's my own experience.

Really hope you and DH can take some time out to heal. It's fucking rough and you simply don't deserve this. Xxx

drspouse Fri 01-Apr-16 19:58:29

We were in a similar situation, with no known reason for RPL. I entered into the clinical trial for NK cells but had normal levels so no treatment. We decided we would set a time limit (five years from first TTC) and then move on to adoption while using contraceptives (we'd been booked to go on a prep course but had another natural pregnancy and miscarriage, and we didn't want that happening again). We now have a four year old and a one year old.

The time limit was the best thing we did. We actually felt ready to move on before the end of the time and had our prep course starting exactly 5 years after we first started TTC.

BipBippadotta Sat 02-Apr-16 22:22:53

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I've had several losses as well - 1 full term and 4 early - most recently a week and a half ago. Like you, I'm trying to work out how to stop doing this to myself. Chromosome abnormalities have been the cause of all my first trimester miscarriages. Unfortunately there is just so little you can do with a genetic issue except keep trying and testing and trying and testing. It's devastating, and so hard. 6 years is such a long time. flowers for you as you go through this, and I'm pleased your DH is supportive.

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