BFP but totally can't get excited

[Oooblimey]

Just a little off loading.

Background - TTC for 6 years this year, so far had 4 previous BFP's but lost them all so no actual babies yet.

Just had FET. Have a BFP. Should be feeling on top of the world but feel more "oh god I've got to go through this again". I know I sound totally selfish and should be mega excited but i just feel empty like I'm now walking the plank to my next MC. I've never felt like this in the past, I've always felt hope and excitement (followed by heartbreak)

I think I need a good slap!

[OhShutUpThomas]

No, you need a hug and some

Congratulations. This is a new pregnancy, and today - you are pregnant

[Oooblimey]

Thanks OSUThomas, just reading your kindness made me teary!

Isn't it weird how it's easier to talk on here than to people we know?!

DH is totally in defense mode. He won't speak about it (I daren't even use the word pregnant) I know it's just because he's desperate to be a dad, he's wanted kids since the day we met, his attitude is expect the worse and it's a bonus if its better, but he says he feels like he just knows that we'll lose it too. We'll have to see what happens at the early scan in a couple of weeks.

I'll give my head a wobble!! xx

[AngelBlue12]

Hoping that it goes well for you :)

[LittleBear01]

Best of luck

[DramaAlpaca]

Wishing you the very best of luck

[bananafish81]

Wishing you all the luck in the world

I think BFPs after infertility and previous loss are very different to 'normal' BFPs

I have dipped into pregnancy threads and feel I can't relate to women being excited about being pregnant in the first trimester - I find the idea that you don't just assume you'll miscarry quite alien (I realise my own view is clouded by infertility world but unfortunately that is what this journey does to us).

Much love and everything crossable crossed for you xx

[Oooblimey]

Thanks everyone.

I know what you mean Bananafish, I feel the same when I read other threads about excited women. Sometimes I find myself getting quite irritated by them! I have to stop myself commenting IT MIGHT ALL GO WRONG YET!! I then make myself step away from the laptop!

Good luck to you ladies xx

[bessie84]

sending you massive hugs. its a terrible feeling isnt it. 21 weeks here after IVF and the same feeling still hasnt gone. its totally normal for you (and DH) TO FEEL AS YOU DO, take one day at a time. xxx

[mineofuselessinformation]

I totally understand. (((Hugs)))

[BipBippadotta]

I absolutely understand how you feel, Oooblimey. Infertility & several losses here, early and late. My BFPs have felt like death sentences.

Feeling like you do is not a lot of fun, but it is completely normal. Try to stay off the happy excited optimistic threads. They made me want to smash up my laptop.

Best of luck and hugs to you.

[bananafish81]

You ladies are my people

I was thinking about starting a thread for pregnancy after infertility as I just cannot relate to all these preggos talking about how they'll manage with two or three children and thinking ahead to maternity leave

I comfort myself by telling myself if and when we have our babies in our arms they will know just how very hard we fought to have them xx

[Sweetheartyparty76]

A pregnancy thread after infertility is a great idea. I am currently 5 weeks after our second round of ivf. I've only been pregnant once before but we had to end it after our much loved baby had a lethal diagnosis at the 12 week scan.
I am trying to be quite laid back about it all but every day I'm getting more attached and more anxious. I'm dreading the scans too. They're usually such a happy time for most people but I will be a wreck.
Best of luck to everyone x

[Oooblimey]

Hi Sweetheart, congratulations! We appear to be around the same time! I'm also 5 weeks. Today Ive got to go to the chemist and spend £78 on my cyclogest and pregonva prescription which i'm begruding already bcause I feel its a lot of money to waste for some thing thats going to fail anyway!! I have NO symptoms of pregnancy and am convnced there will be no heart beat at my early scan which is a week on Tuesday. I might ask the pharmasist if I can get half the prescription and then if I still need it after the scan get the other half then, do they let you do that I wonder?!

My last IVF was a farce. At the 6wk scan no heart beat, at 7 weeks it had grown and there was a heartbeat but then lost it at 11 weeks. Ugh just can't be arsed with it all again!!

I know there will be ladies looking at this thread furious at me for being ungrateful for the BFP, I'm not, I desperately want it to work, hense why I keep putting my self through it, I've just been conditioned for it all to fail! xx

[Oooblimey]

Some good news! I did ask the pharmasist if they could split the prescription and he was very lovely and said no problem, so I have enough drugs to get me to just past the early scan, then if all goes well I can go and buy the rest after the scan! So only cost me £32 instead of £75 today. Fingers crossed I will need to go get the rest in a couple of weeks!