Because I have fucking had enough. This is so so shit. I am fed up. I am so fucking sick of everything. I am sick of trying. I am sick of not trying. I am sick of reflexology. I'm sick of acupuncture. I'm sick of folic acid. I'm sick of not drinking. I'm sick of eating green crap. I am sick of doctors. I'm sick of doctors not remembering who I am or even caring. I am sick of hospitals. I am sick of my job where I am safeguarding interests of children because their parents are not able to, and after 18 years not having one thank you. I am sick and tired of it all.
I am a good person. I have been married 12 years. I have been with my husband 18 years. Longer together than apart. I did it all by the book. I took my pill. I built my career. I help women and children. I pride myself in my dedication and commitment. I love my nieces and nephews like my life depends on it. I don't get why I deserve this.
Four miscarriages then nothing for eighteen months. This was the month. This was us being referred for ivf, because they could come up with no other answer or plan, we were going to sort it. Yet no, I have been cramping all day and sure as fuck AF will appear. Why not just come this morning. Nah, far more fun to fuck with my head all day and let me begin to hope it might be possible. Pee on yet the a millionth stick, to find the same sad result.
I don't know what I have ever done to deserve this, but my goodness it must have been bad.
I don't think I can do ivf. There. I've said it. Wanna know why? Because I'm scared. And I am weak. And I am angry. I know I sound like I'm unstable but that could not be further from the truth. I just need to vent. And I am so so so sorry for all of you feeling like this. But why, why didn't it come this morning. 10am clockwork, like every other sodding month.
So here's to you all, thank you to anyone who reads this, sorry for my ranting, but I am pissed off, fed up and going to drink some wine.
Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.
Infertility
am I allowed to swear in a thread title
fourpawswhite · 26/02/2016 21:05
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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