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I just can't be bothered with this

(17 Posts)
McPheeNicks Fri 26-Feb-16 18:42:58

I'm in the middle of our 2nd FET cycle (following our 2nd IVF), and finding myself suddenly really jaded with this all. I really just can't be arsed! Yes, I'm taking my folic acid and doing my injections; I'm not smoking or boozing wildly, but for the first time I'm not bothered about what I'm eating/drinking, about supplements, infertility forums, cycle buddies, or basically any extra faff whatsoever. No positive thinking around here, though not so much out of negativity, as just not even thinking about babies.

This was a pointless half-arsed rant, I guess. As you were. Fans self in the midst of hot flush

WootyWoo Fri 26-Feb-16 20:36:47

Yep. I hear ya. It's too bloody exhausting trying to be perfect all the time. Especially when the necessity to do so goes on ...and on ...and on... for months and even years. Over time it feels like it becomes less about having a baby and more about trying to win an impossible battle...with your body...with your willpower....trying to figure out a really impossible puzzle.

If I google enough I'll come up with 'The Answer'. Or if I could just get the balance right between all the supplements / have enough willpower to not eat sugar or drink caffeine or booze EVER / fill my face with protein from dawn until dusk like a good girl / do woo meditation and fertility yoga or whatever. Yeah, if I could just get all that sussed....

Total nightmare.

Lots of luck to you. I hope your lack of positivity is rewarded with a BFP. Positivity is over-rated anyway ;-)

McPheeNicks Fri 26-Feb-16 21:28:13

So right Wooty. The googling and forums and blogs... The perfect diet, right supplements, alternative fads, fecking pineapple core smoothies... Happily the nurses at my clinic do insist none of that really makes a difference anyway. It'll either work or it won't.

BipBippadotta Fri 26-Feb-16 21:39:29

Yeah, I can't be bothered with any of it. Been at this for 4 years now. These days I have wine when I want. Coffee when I want. I asked the nurse at my clinic if I should be drinking a pint of milk a day during stims like everyone says and she laughed. Said it was all guff clinics make up to give women the illusion that they can do something. Patronising bunch of twats.

Anyway good luck to us all!

WootyWoo Fri 26-Feb-16 22:17:01

It was the wheatgrass and spirulina shots I did in the morning for months that I feel most tortured by.... <vom>
...and then we discovered my dh's sperm had a fertilisation issue and we'd probably been pissing against the wind for years. Marvellous.

Of course it's probably all bloody pointless anyway as you say Nicks ....Except when you're desperate you'll put yourself though all manner of crazy shit on the off-chance it might make 'the difference' don't you?

I love that you do what you want now Bippa. I yearn for a life with no guilt. Patronising bunch of twats made me smile. So true.

tillyann2013 Fri 26-Feb-16 22:21:28

I hear you! Absolutely same here. Missing out on yet another night out with friends as I'm trying to get my shitty body ready for another round of IVF and couldn't possibly have a drink and let my hair down. It sucks.

victoria1981 Wed 02-Mar-16 13:19:42

Yes. Yes. Yes again.

Just finished first round of ICSI after four years TTC. Honestly, I think there won't be a second. There's more bloody chance of the second coming.

I haven't really drunk much, but I've been eating whatever I want. Mostly crap.

Solidarity with you all xxxxxxxx

McPheeNicks Wed 02-Mar-16 18:28:56

Welp, I'm sipping coffee here after just stabbing myself with buserelin again. Thank goodness for phone alarm, or I'd forget the injections every night.

Wheatgrass and spirulina shots? Boak. envy Last time around I was making green smoothies every morning, containing some vile green superfood powder. Tasted of dried kale. It was grim.

The counsellor at my clinic said the same as BipBippa's nurse. All the extra faff can be comforting, as it can give the illusion you're at least doing something. But she said if any of it was actually found to be clinically significant and helpful it would be taken up by the clinics as a part of the treatment.

I was just reading the excellend thread on the mindnumbing boredom of infertility, and am tempted to join in, but I know I wouldn't be able to keep up the chat.

I had OHSS and a freeze-all IVF/ICSI last year, which means we have a quite a few frozen ones to go through now. I know we'll keep going as long as we have those left, but I'm not going as far as even thinking about a new fresh cycle. We can decide that when the time comes.

WootyWoo Fri 04-Mar-16 20:43:16

It's horrible yet slightly comforting (sorry) that there are other poor people going through similar to me. Sorry you missed your night out Tillyann. I remember once injecting myself then dashing straight out the door to a works night out (stressful enough!). It's really hard to be in the moment and enjoy yourself (without alcohol!) when you're still trying to get over the horror that you just injected yourself... I've also injected myself in airport loos and that was a whole other level of stress. "What am I allowed in hand luggage? Will I be arrested for this? Am I missing my flight?" Gah. So stressful.

Hope your FET cycle is going ok Nicks (or McPhee not sure what you'd prefer). I'm sure OHSS is awful but I still can't help being a little jealous. I only get 2 or 3 eggs regardless of stimm dose. Hopefully it's only a matter of time for you as you work through your frosties smile

I think with the superfood powder you were in fact ingesting wheatgrass and spirulina and then some! You're more hardcore than me wink Totally yuk hey?

I agree the mind numbing forum is the bees knees. They are keeping me sane. I don't think I'd be able to keep up with the chat either though. I do read through the week but the only time I feel I have time to chat is Friday nights. There's no way I'd keep up!

Vic, I hope you don't need a second shot xx

Osirus Sat 05-Mar-16 00:49:56

I didn't watch what I ate during my treatment and it worked for me! IVF is hard enough!

WootyWoo Sat 05-Mar-16 07:06:51

Thank you Osirus, makes me care less about my McDonalds lunch yesterday. Huge congrats to you x

Yrias Sat 05-Mar-16 18:23:18

Thanks, Wooty, so do I (this is Vic, just given myself a more interesting name. Still new to forums and everyone else had a much more fun name than me!) Only one more nail-biting night until we finally bloody know.

WootyWoo Sat 05-Mar-16 20:16:06

Wow Vic, so tomorrow morning poas?? Scary biscuits...
Do you feel like you have symptoms? It's so hard to tell when your medicated anyway. Pointless speculating. You've bloody earned it after 4 long years so I'll keep everything crossed for you. X

Yrias Sat 05-Mar-16 23:16:51

Yes Wooty- I've been trying desperately not to symptom spot. Have had quite a few, but could of course just as easily just be the meds. Thanks so much for the good wishes. It means a lot! X

Laura7883 Sun 06-Mar-16 10:44:01

On the topic of trying crazy things with no research base...anyone ever tried that preseed gel and moon cup you insert into your vagina?? Oh how I laugh at my stupidity now! I used to do that for months 2 years ago thinking this is it! It'll absolutely work now! DH had micro TESE last week and they found no sperm! Aha ha ha ha how I laugh now like a crazy women! I'm afraid ive lost the plot!

WootyWoo Mon 07-Mar-16 06:54:46

Thinking of you Yrias, really hoping you got a good result yesterday x

Hey Laura, what awful awful news sad I similarly lost the plot a bit when we found out about my DH's sperm. It's heartbreaking to have invested so much effort and emotion (and all the crazy shit too!) for years and then realise it was all pointless. My heart really goes out to you and your DH. I hope you can come up with a plan you're both happy with X

Laura7883 Mon 07-Mar-16 19:16:02

Thank you for the much needed tea and sympathy wootywoo Falling on a box of after eight mints open mouthed has also helped, accidentally of course.

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