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Infertility Woe's

(14 Posts)
Pod85 Mon 15-Feb-16 11:58:48

Hi all,
I just wanted to have a little rant... I'm 35 and have been trying for a baby with my husband for nearly 5 years now and still nothing. I am on clomid now and have two more cycles left before IVF. I have been checked and all is fine and my husband is good but nothing is happening. I have been coping ok with it for a while but now it is getting so hard. 90% of my friends have either had a baby or on their second now, i go and visit them, smile, cuddle and then come away broken but i am genuinely happy for them but i just think when is it our turn . I have had two breakdowns in the past month about it and now each day when i come to work ( i am at work now) i cant stop thinking about it all. I google every symptom in the hope that maybe it will mean i will be pregnant. I have been told that it could be stress related and i am a worrier but then i think i will always be. My poor mum was diagnosed with dementia last year and she is only in her 60's and that has been really hard and now i feel even more need to get regnant quickly as i want the baby to come while she is aware. She has always been excited for me to had kids and my mum has always been like a best friend to me, so i am gutted that i am still failing each month to fall pregnant. Is anyone else going through this at all? how are you dealing with everyone else around you having babies?

waitingimpatient Mon 15-Feb-16 12:58:48

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. It's truly horrible isn't it sad

We've been trying for nearly 4 years now (secondary infertility) and in that time sil had a baby, and three of my good friends and now one is pg again.
To deal with it I've forced myself to go and visit, to buy lovely gifts (did a new baby hamper for each of them) but it was so so hard. I felt by forcing myself it made me confront my fears and upset rather than trying to avoid it as it's very hard to avoid pregnancy/babies

It is really really difficult though so I do understand and I hope things work out for you with your treatment x

Pod85 Mon 15-Feb-16 13:29:11

Thank you for your message and i am sorry to hear you are going through this too. It is so hard. I thought i was doing ok but now as my 36 birthday looms and i keep seeing loads of articles on your eggs depleting from age 35 onwards i am starting to panic. My husband will be a great father and i feel so much guilt that i am not able to give him a baby, he is 40 next year and has even trained as a child minder, so when i have to go back to work, he can earn money looking at another child along with ours. Have you tried clomid?

Chattycat78 Mon 15-Feb-16 15:13:20

Just to clarify on the "age 35" thing- it's a myth that as soon as you turn 35 your fertility suddenly drops off a cliff! It does decline in your thirties yes, but it's a gradual thing. So I wouldn't panic just on the back of that alone. I hope u have success soon.

RebeccaNoodles Mon 15-Feb-16 16:19:28

You poor thing, I am so sorry you have to go through this sh*t. Weirdly I am in a similar situation - my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers last year, in her early 70s (I'm 38, ttc two years, due for ivf in june). It's such an added pressure and sadness and I know exactly what you mean about time running out for her to be aware of a grandchild. I actually talked to her about it recently which really helped - I didn't want to upset her (and wasn't sure how much she would grasp) so had not raised it before. But she was great and said basically 'don't put that added pressure on yourself' Which really helped. Please don't feel guilty about your situation, it's not your fault.

You sound under a lot of strain, would it help to try and see a counsellor to talk to? You could try and access one via your GP. I saw someone twice who really helped me, just get it all out there. I feel a bit better about it all now. It's not great and I do find it hard seeing others get pregnant effortlessly ... But I try and remind myself that everyone has hard stuff to deal with. Easier said than done of course ...

35 seems quite young to me though! I would be v optimistic about your IVF chances. Please don't give up hope and be kind to yourself. I would do flowers but not sure how smile - is this it?


Lily35 Mon 15-Feb-16 16:41:01

Pod - your post is just me all over.

I'm 35 , TTC #1 over two years, 1 X BFP which ended in MC last year and nothing since. I'm so scared of egg reserve declining. It's happened to two of my friends.

I'm on Clomid and I thought it would be my miracle cure - it works but still nothing. Granted I'm only on cycle 2 of it! However it looks like IVF will be my next step.

Chattycat78 Mon 15-Feb-16 16:47:37

Again on the egg reserve decline thing- quality is the thing that matters with egg. NOT the number you have. Egg quality is linked to age. Even if you have low egg reserve, at 35 it's not necy the end of the world as you'd be likely to have some good ones still at that age. I speak from experience.

Lily35 Mon 15-Feb-16 17:04:43

Thanks ChattyCat - what's your story?

Chattycat78 Mon 15-Feb-16 17:20:38

Told I had low ovarian reserve age 34 and that IVF was pretty much the only chance, but that IVF would probably not work either. Then got pregnant, had a miscarriage though. Was all looking pretty dismal- friends all getting pregnant at drop of hat and hating pregnancy announcements. Felt like it was never going to happen.

Did IVF age 35- worked first time and now have a 1 year old ds.

When he was 8 months old and finished breastfeeding, thought we should start trying naturally just in case it was possible and working on the assumption that if it was, it would probably take a number of years to conceive again. However, got pregnant after 1 month of trying. Now 20 weeks with baby no 2.

All of this I think proves the theory that quality counts the most and that it's not "all over" as soon as you hit 35. Whatever the clinic tells you. Obviously everyone has their own circumstances, but I too thought it was never going to happen and I can sympathise totally with the looking at everyone around you and feeling like the only one who isn't having a baby. It's gut wrenching.

Pod85 Mon 15-Feb-16 17:47:52

Thank you all for your reassuring posts. I think i am having a bad few days of it all, already burst into tears again at work, i'm a bloody mess today.
Congratulations Charrtcat78, that's great news that IVF worked for you and you also have another one on the way. I try not to give up hope but as i'm sure you know its hard especially when you see so many people with babies. Lily35 i really hope the clomid works for you, it is helping me to ovulate too, i hope you haven't had any side effects from it. I have been surprisingly ok with it but i think it is because its a low dose 50mg. RebeccaNoodles- i am so sorry to hear about your mum too, it sounds like you know exactly what i am going through . I'm glad your mum gave you those reassuring words, i am sure mine would too, as she always used to tell me to stop worrying all of the time- nothing good comes of it. I have thought about going to see a councilor, i have in the past but as soon as i finish, the worrying takes back over but maybe i should try again. its a time thing though, as my work takes over a lot- probably something which isnt helping either! I am going to see my mum at the end of the month, as she is on new drugs, i hope and pray each day for a miracle cure for this cruel disease. I will try and speak to my mum about it and see what she understands. I hope your mum is doing well on the medication she is on and you have all the support you need x

FairySweetness Mon 15-Feb-16 18:00:01

I know the feeling. I work in an intensive care unit. 90% of the 100+ staff are female and there are 7 pregnancies at the moment. Most of my friends are pregnant or have one or two children. Every time I hear of another pregnant it feels like I've been stabbed in the stomach. I say the right things then go home and cry. I've had to stop using Facebook.

I've only been actively trying for a year, but have PCOS and have been off contraceptives for 3 years and have no evidence that I have ovulated in that time. I wish you luck with your cycles. I'm glad I'm not the only person who see babies and then breaks down in tears. I hope all goes well for you.

RebeccaNoodles Mon 15-Feb-16 19:33:45

Oh Pod. I'm not surprised you've had a cry at work, hope it made you feel bit better. My mum is doing well actually thanks - not 100% but the meds are definitely helping and she's able to live at home with my DF etc. It's so much better than we initially feared after hearing the diagnosis. Anyway don't want to derail your thread, but I hope your Mum is OK? Think talking to her is a good idea. And talking to anyone else you can. Bottling it up is so hard.

Fairy I feel your pain. Facebook is the worst, I use it with caution. Luckily I have childless friends with cats - I enjoy their posts smile. I have a friend with PCOS and she just conceived after a few months of Clomid, so it's not a deal breaker at all.

cake and flowers to everyone in this shitty boat.

westergille Mon 15-Feb-16 22:37:17

I really feel your pain - I once had to call in sick to work as I couldn't stop crying on the drive in after a hideous christening party where we were the ONLY childless couple amongst 30 or so adults (there were one or two singletons). I drew up a list of all the women I knew who'd had babies since we started to ttc - 14 names, some with 2 dc. It began to feel like I couldn't go for a hair appointment without being told that the stylist I had last time was now on maternity leave.

But 35 is not old when it comes to ttc. We had our DD by ICSI when I was 35 and not once did the clinic suggest there was an issue with my age. I fact they made me feel young as different rules applied if you were under 37!

And 2 things to suggest (feel free to totally ignore me though):
1. Try to think of infertility as 'our' problem as a couple, not 'my' failure - it's not a failure, TTC is a fickle thing, and it really does take two to tango here. Any issues with TTC are a couple's issues as we want to have a baby with our DP, not just anyone. I've really had to confront this as our issue is low morphology & motility in DH's sperm. So the best evolutionary solution for me would have been to find another partner with super sperm - except of course I don't want anyone else's baby :-)
2. Cheesy as it sounds, try to fill your life with activities which will take up some of the time spent obsessing with ttc. They won't fully distract you or compensate at all but maybe it will help a bit.

Hope you get your BFP soon. xx

Lily35 Tue 16-Feb-16 07:57:32

Thanks for that Westergille. I'm certainly trying to relax a bit more this month. Instead of googling every symptom I'm getting stuck into some bestsellers to take my mind of it all.

Congratulation on your soon to be two children ChattyCat.

Pod - I'm on low dose too and it's working for me even though I haven't caught yet. I haven't had too many symptoms other than being a little more impatient when I'm taking it - enhanced PMS it feels like. But I can also feel ovulation and all that which is really odd as I never could before! It's quite amazing.

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