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Secondary infertility- 2 mcs and 6 years-My story!

(9 Posts)
Mummymum38 Sat 23-Jan-16 15:30:16

Hi all, not posted before but wanted to share my good news story as I used to read this board whilst ttc and found it really helpful and always loved stories which gave me a glimmer of hope.

It's a long story so I will try and summarise it but after 6 years ttc with secondary infertility and 2 miscarriages in that time, we have our very precious perfect baby!

I had my first child almost 7 years ago aged 31, got pregnant at age 30 without even having to try, ie we decided we wanted a baby so had unprotected sex only once in my cycle on exactly day 14 of my cycle and boom I was pregnant. It was quite a scary pregnancy and I bled a lot of brown blood until exactly the day of my 12 week scan with no real reason why. My baby girl was born perfectly healthy at term.

When my daughter was 1 year old we decided to ttc number 2 and thankfully again got pregnant really quickly in the second month of trying ( again without having to try really hard!). Unfortunately we lost the baby at around 8 weeks and were devastated. We started trying again a couple of months after that and nothing happened.

A year down the line we were referred to the fertility clinic and over the period of about a year we both had numerous tests and I had a laparoscopy which revealed I had one badly damaged tube and although my second tube appeared clear they could not be sure it was ok. No reason was given for the damage, except perhaps an infection after birth or after my miscarriage or I might even have had it for years.

I also had concerns at this time as my luteal phase by this point was down to about 7/8 days and my progesterone blood tests always seemed low but was told numerous times this was ok. I kept track religiously of my ovulation dates and spent a fortune on opks and I brought this up at every consultation but was never taken seriously.

Eventually I was referred for IVF privately since we already had a child, however just before we were about to start treatment we decided for various reasons including financial ones not to go down that route, despite spending a lot of money on the initial consultations.

So throughout this time we kept trying and trying, it was not an easy time with most of my friends and family who were pregnant at the same time with our first child now on to their second.

However one month in 2013, almost 3 years after our miscarriage I did another test and it was positive. Omg I was over the moon and we could not believe our luck, at the same time we were absolutely terrified and I went to the doctor straight away and asked for progesterone supplements, which I was refused.

6 weeks later after the BFP again the bleeding started and we were referred for 3 scans over a 3 week period which firstly showed at 6 weeks no heartbeat but a sac, then at 8 weeks a heartbeat but measuring 2 weeks behind dates, then eventually at 9 week scan we were told the baby had died. Devastated does not even cover how we felt after 3 years of trying and then this again. We also didn't even have the hope that we could get pregnant again. Thankfully I had my daughter throughout this and every day counted my blessings that we had her which kept us going, but the pain for another child and sibling for her was still there.

We tried to get on with our lives and over the next year we still tried EVERY month, looking back I think we only missed about 3 months, but being honest it put a strain on our relationship. I also lost friends and put a strain on family relations during these years as, as horrible as it sounds, I just could not cope with other people's pregnancy and babies. It was a tough time and by the time my daughter started school at age 5, some of my original antenatal friends were now onto their 3rd child.

Eventually late in 2014 we decided to get a dog and booked a nice holiday for 2015 and pretty much accepted we would be a family of 3, and although every month when my period came I still had a little cry, generally inside I had given up and thought that was it. I was not getting any younger which also didn't help the situation. However we still kept trying....

Imagine my surprise 3 months after getting the puppy when I got a BFP, now aged 37!!!! This time, again we were very scared and anxious but with the support of the recurrent miscarriage clinic ( which I was referred to by a lovely doctor after my second miscarriage) we got early scans at 6 weeks, 8 weeks and 10 weeks and I was put on a progesterone pessary which I took from 48 hours after I found I was pregnant until 15 weeks. Often I had to pinch myself when I was pregnant and hope I wasn't dreaming as I was just so happy. At the same time it was also a terrifying 9 months in which I was scared every time I went to the toilet. I couldn't even tell anyone I was pregnant until after my 20 week scan as I was that scared.

However somehow I am now sitting here aged 38 with my beautiful baby boy!

So after an almost 7 year journey I just wanted to share that it can happen and it makes us love him so much as we wanted him so so much and waited so so long for him and he is worth every second!

Hope I haven't bored you and hope this story gives some of you some hope.

Hyland Sat 23-Jan-16 17:08:22

smile that is so sad and also a nice story.

closephine85 Sat 23-Jan-16 18:16:04

Thanks so much for sharing your story on here and huge congratulations on the birth of your baby boy!!

My DH and I are currently 2.5 years ttc no2. I fell pregnant at the age of 25 after 6 months of trying for my ds (now 4.5) and this time round, not a single BFP although suspected chemical pregnancy in November and I am now having progesterone pessaries in the second half of my cycles. Like you though, my levels have always been 'ok' but I have approx 5 days of spotting before af. My DH has quite a low count and I will be having a laparoscopy in the next month.

Can I ask? Does the longing and obsessing ever really go away? I'm not sure I could cope with it taking 6 years. The last 2 have been tough enough! It's for that reason we are feeling pushed to go down the Ivf route. We need to try and get a bit of normality back in our lives. I find it is almost constantly in my thoughts. Does that ever get any better or easier to deal with? We are by no means rich and Ivf is going to be a real stretch.

naysayer Sun 31-Jan-16 11:28:32

Thanks for sharing your story, I have read it with interest. Can I ask what dose of progesterone you took, and you too closephine? I have been taking pessaries (200mg) for 3 months now. I have DD who is 7 and was born after 2 rounds of IVF when I was 37. Unexplained IF for me and DH. It's been over ten years of the pain of infertility for us and although we have the joy of DD, the pain of others getting pregnant so easily is like a knife. I totally understand where you are coming from mummymum.

A year ago we went through another round, had to pay for it this time. I was 43 at the time and despite getting 4 top grade (top grade!) embryos it didn't work. The docs were amazed I had such good quality eggs and a high reserve still.

After all these years of not conceiving naturally I didn't think it would ever be possible. I am obsessed by my own infertility and can't ever stop thinking about it. It's taken over my life. DH has always said we 'tried too hard' and that's why it never happened. Like you mummymum I have religiously tracked my cycle for 12 years, and pored over OP sticks, trying to see which day has the darkest line and when did we have sex in relation to it.

Last August I somehow had had enough and told myself I didn't care anymore. Through Sept I felt very tired, began to feel sick, off booze, began to suspect. I did a test at the end of the month and it was positive. I was confused and scared. Really, pregnant at 44. I kept it to myself for a week and it was only one night when DH poured me a glass of wine I plucked up the courage to tell him I couldn't drink it. He was delighted.

Literally within an hour of telling him, I went to the toilet and discovered brown spotting. It continued over the weekend and on the Monday I called hospital early preg unit. They told me to come in for a scan the next day. Heartbeat was seen, a strong one. the sac was said to be 2-3 weeks behind what it should have been for the dates. They told me to come back in 10 days. I began bleeding a lot that day and had cramps, but kept my spirits up. I passed membranes a few days later and when we went back the following week it was gone.

I had asked my GP for progesterone after reading on here about low progesterone. She refused. There are so many accounts of it being given to stop bleeding, and save pregnancies. Having researched it more I am convinced that low progesterone is my problem. I have always had very light AFs and spotting a couple of days before the day due - which I know down to the hour as have been so obsessed with ovulation. I had to find a private doc to get progesterone, but it's pricey and last month I plucked up the courage to go and see another of the GPs in the practice - a man. He knew nothing about progesterone and thought I was asking for HRT. I explained to him that my suspicion was I have low progesterone and that it not only accounts for my unexplained IF, but the depression I have suffered from for years too. If you look up reproductive depression you can see there is a growing and new field of knowledge on the link between hormones and depression that goes beyond simply labelling it PMT. My doc looked at his drug book and said, yep, no problem, and actually thanked me for enlightening him. Did I want 200mg or 400mg and to come back in 3 months for more.

Since I've been taking them AF is much heavier. I have to use super tampons for the first time in my life. I am sure thin lining has been a cause of failure to conceive and meant I couldn't hang on to the one natural pregnancy I have had - or perhaps the only one that lasted that long. With IVF, progesterone is given routinely following embryo transfer. I feel pretty annoyed I did not know sooner that low progesterone might be an issue and that pessaries cannot hurt. Tests and everything are not really conclusive. The symptoms of light AF etc point to it. I just hope that in the time I have left the supplements can make it happen again for us.

closephine85 Sun 31-Jan-16 17:03:14

Hi naysayer, sorry to hear what you have been through, it makes my 2.5 years pale into insignificance but at the same time fills me with fear that I will still be in the same position in the years to come. I don't feel like I can take much more of this mentally. I am absolutely drained, all the positive energy I have I make sure I save for my DS which means I am not exactly a ray of sunshine around others.

For the last 2 months I have had 200mg of progesterone twice a day. It has made a huge difference to AF - I was often having up to 5 days spotting before it would start properly, now it just starts. It's like a revelation - however, still no BFP. My DH keeps trying to tell me there is no black and white answer like I am searching for. He has a low count, perhaps I have low progesterone? Perhaps the two combined means it's just not working for us?! I wish I knew!

Good luck with your supplements - glad to hear they have made a difference to you too and I hope you get there. So sorry to hear of your loss and that they refused it to you when you asked flowers

Katymac32 Sat 20-Feb-16 11:57:41

Hi there,

I wanted to join this thread as I am too suffering with SI. Mummymum38 I'm so pleased you had such a happy outcome , it gives me faith and as with closephine85 I feel my battle pale into significance too.

My first born was conceived quickly after 3 months but we have since discovered my husbands sperm has dropped hugely in 3 years- 70 million to 9 million. I guess at least we have a reason but it's quite gobsmacking as we are far more healthier than we were three years ago. I have had the bloods and ultrasound and so far so normal. We have been referred to a fertility clinic where I guess I'll get the next round of investigations. I had quite a traumatic birth with an emergency c section so maybe something there.

This month has been hard as three of our close friends have announced their second. It makes you so angry and guilty at the same time.

I just wanted to add my story as there is another one of us out there! Closephine- I totally get the drained feeling. At the moment I feel like I'm avoiding the world which is probably not the best thing. I wish I could just accept it!!

Naysayer- I'm so sorry for your story and loss. I really hope the supplements work for you

closephine85 Sun 21-Feb-16 08:07:20

Hi Katy

Sorry if I've confused you - this is the thread I was talking about on your post smile

naysayer Tue 23-Feb-16 23:42:04

Hi closephine, sorry not replied sooner, kept meaning to go on but never had time! Thanks for your lovely words, and from Katy too. Closephine, you are a lot younger than me so take heart - it gave me a real boost to realise I could still fall PG at 44. What's hard now though is wondering why I didn't before, though I do think it was the progesterone. I'm going to to back to doc's and ask for 400mg dose - once a day with the 200s is bad enough for giving me wind and bad bowels as it has to go in the rear (sorry tmi)! It's also hard to stop obsessing all from a new point of view, that of having managed to conceive naturally for the first time.

I so get how this takes over your life, and feeling really resentful of others.

I recommend the book Conquering Infertility by Dr Alice Domar. It is a pretty no-nonsense title and what it does is helo you find ways to change your mindset so that whatever the outcome of your journey, infertility stops being centrestage in your life. I read it in between my first and second rounds of IVF eight years ago and I fell PG with the second round. It gets you to a stage where you are able to say to your inner voice, Jeez, enough.

I have started reading it again and practising the relaxation exercises that are central to the theory of mind/body medicine. The author is a Harvard trained psychologist in the field if infertility. Mind/body medicine is treating the psychological along with the physical, and she does this basically with the same process as meditation. The result is being able to put infertility back in the box.

I long to be able to be practise detachment from issues I obsess over. I have a very busy mind. But the techniques in this book helped me. She doesn't guarantee a pregnancy, but she guarantees you'll be more able to get on with your life without infertility hanging over you like the bloody awful curse it is.

What can I say, the month I fell pregnant naturally last year was the first month (apart from when I did my second round of IVF) where I told myself I didn't care whether I got pregnant or not - and it happened. The difficulty I have now is trying to get back to that state of mind - hence re-reading the book and practising the techniques. It's not blank-mind type meditation as I just can't do that - there are plenty of techniques that keep the mind busy and focused on something. The key is to make you relax, and this triggers a physiological response that holds up to scientific scrutiny in improving mental and physical symptoms.

Give it a go. Sorry for long post again, did say I have a busy mind!

Take heart both of you, hang in there with the investigations and pessaries and Katy try not to let others couples' success overwhelm. READ THAT BOOK!

cheesecakeandchips Sun 22-May-16 20:59:01

OP - Thank you for posting this success story, it has given me a ray of hope! But I'm so sorry to hear of the awful time you have gone through in the process.

And to everyone else who is still trying, I'm sorry to hear of your heartbreak to, it is an awful thing.

We've been trying for #2 for 5 years now. Fell pregnant with DS within 3 months of hardly trying, thought it would be the same second time around, but oh how we were mistaken! We've had a couple of years of making a real effort, another couple of years trying to relax and forget it all, but neither has worked, so now back to the making an effort but its making me utterly miserable. Today has been particularly bad, since I've been a few days late for the first time in over a year, and just couldn't stop myself getting my hopes up. Took a test and of course BFN, so feeling really sad right now. I'm meant to be revising for an exam, but I just can't concentrate on it, which is not helping my stress levels!

We've not been to the doctor, as I've been in denial I think. I didn't want to make it a thing, and for it to take over my life, but seems like is has anyway!

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