Failed ivf- when should I go for a FET

(13 Posts)
Amara123 Tue 29-Dec-15 23:24:02

Hi all

I suppose I really want to ask you lovely women for some advice. We have male factor infertility for which I had icsi recently. It didn't work which I found devastating. I think, looking back, that I had mild ohss and was possibly not in the greatest physical state when I had my transfer. (consultant agrees now and suggested that if I needed to another fresh cycle that short protocol would be better)

I am lucky enough to have a good embryo left on ice. I am not sure when I should have another go at FET. Part of me wants to do it in February but my dad thinks I should wait a few more months to give myself a chance. On the other hand I felt so sad that it didn't work last time, I'm not sure I could take another negative so soon. And then again I don't want to waste more of my time and put us in a position where we have problems on my side too...
Such a hard decision to make. And like so many of you here lots of my friends have been having babies recently so having had no success feels quite raw.

I should also say my period has come back normally so no worries there.

Could anyone tell me what a medicated cycle is like? I found my fresh cycle pretty horrible.

Also wwyd? I would so appreciate hearing from some of you who have gone through this already.

Thanks.

sammylou1 Wed 30-Dec-15 07:06:11

So sorry to hear your cycle failed, my recent frozen did to so I know how tough it is.

Re starting a FET cycle in february, I would not have been ready after my ohss, 2 months on my ovaries were still enlarged and I still had free fluid, but you say mild so perhaps you'll be back to normal more quickly than me.

In terms of would I want to wait. Absolutely no! For me I just want to move on to the next plan asap so I have something to focus on. It's the waiting around that kills me. Everyone is different though, so maybe a few months off would be a good thing for you? Xx

Amara123 Thu 31-Dec-15 10:15:25

Thanks Sammylou! I really appreciate your thoughts.
I was quite swollen for a while- had transfer near the end of October but my body is feeling almost back to normal (except for a slightly round IVF belly).
I think maybe a middle ground would be best- perhaps March? I think I will keep going as I am and see then. I might feel ready to go again earlier.
It's tough isn't it? It would be so much easier to do this if pregnancy was guaranteed.
The waiting is a killer though. Because I feel I have been waiting for so long already....

Moonandstarsandback Thu 31-Dec-15 10:31:31

Have you asked your clinic? They sometimes have a time limit between cycles (although may be less for a FET) - that can sometimes help your decision as to when to go again. Good luck smile

Hyland Thu 31-Dec-15 11:24:04

OP It would be so much easier to do this if pregnancy was guaranteed.

Your thoughts above are my partners, he really struggled with the idea of paying more money for something that isnt a sure thing/guaranteed.

Amara123 Thu 31-Dec-15 12:52:34

Clinic says i am ready to go in january from their point of view. I guess i found the disappointment after failed ivf far worse than i anticipated and part of me is self protecting against another one. The alternative (no kids) is worse though!
Honestly does anyone who hasn't undergone ivf understand how difficult it is emotionally!

Moonandstarsandback Thu 31-Dec-15 17:16:49

I really don't think people who haven't struggled with infertility or had Ivf can possibly imagine what it's like! But that just my opinion!

Hyland Sat 02-Jan-16 08:22:06

A friend of mine had ivf due to having cancer when she was young. I personally think she convinced herself she wasn't the mothering type to prepare herself for the possibility that she may never have children. Luckily she has a little boy now and it's weird to think of her now, not as a mum, as she is a wonderful devoted mum. She cant have more as she has had everything removed due to many health issues. She seems very understanding.... and mostly just listens and occasionally ask how things are going with me. I don't think she has had the same type of struggle as me with not conceiving for over 4 years with secondary infertility. However having known that the cancer would cause issues in later life, has meant that she is more in our group of sympathising/ understanding women. She does have a friend who has no children and 2 failed ivf runs and it makes me realise that I can only imagine what the friend is going through to a certain extent. Basically all three of us are slightly different but we all three have had the same horrible fertility issue.

Two of my sisters have had miscarriages before and again i feel they are very understanding. I have another sister who has never had any issues and unfortunately she isn't very sensitive to my situation despite her apologies for knowing she cant really understand what it's like for me.

Amara123 Sat 02-Jan-16 11:49:28

Totally hear what you are saying! I've had people say..oh you should try naturally asap now until your next round. My poor battered lady parts just wanted a break! I think I'm going to not over think when to go but just take it cycle by cycle until i feel up to it. The emotional bit of ivf is tough and is really made worse by the vats of hormones we are injecting into ourselves.
I am wishing you all the very best of luck in your plans this year!

Hyland Mon 04-Jan-16 23:52:44

Yes I have had a few people say just try naturally. Let it happen....

Yeah right and look where that has got me. We didn't start to really seek help until after 3 years!

Going through frozen cycle now and it occurred to me that we could have tried twice within the time. I calculated that I would have ovulated at least twice.

Strangely felt a bit bummed out my this.

Hyland Mon 04-Jan-16 23:55:15

Amara: Good Luck to you too x

Amara123 Tue 05-Jan-16 22:04:53

Thanks hyland!

emme123 Wed 06-Jan-16 00:38:13

Amara,
I don't normally comment but felt I wanted to write to say...
Please don't give up, I feel your pain & have my every sympathy & understanding.
I underwent 2 yrs of being unable to conceive.
We had an unsuccessful IVF attempt but success the 2nd time around (slight adjustment to protocol seemed to work).
Now we have a beautiful 3 year old little boy & recently had a little girl (3 months) who was conceived naturally.
So really just wanted to say don't lose hope, I nearly did & so glad we persevered!
I do hope it works the next time around.
Oh, just a tip, I had fertility focused acupuncture & used IVF focused meditation CD's alongside 2nd attempt - whilst I will never know if it contributed to it working, it certainly relaxed me a lot more through the whole experience the 2nd time.
Best of luck

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