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Should we tell the in laws?

(6 Posts)
lugo40 Mon 07-Dec-15 06:08:37

Hi all

We've been Ttc for almost 2 years and found out about 6 months ago that husband as severe OATS so we're looking at icsi. Just waiting for referrals etc. I've told some of my family although only one sister has been particularly supportive and asks regularly how we are etc. anyway, husband is an only child and be felt there was no point telling his parents until we knew exactly what the plan would be (we initially thought we may only be able to use donor sperm or adopt).
Thing is, in past month his mother has said three times to us she hopes we will have children soon and we've overheard her telling people on two occasions she's desperately hoping for grandchildren. I wonder if we should just tell her so she stops saying it. Any ideas?

Nanofone Mon 07-Dec-15 06:13:40

As a Grandma myself I feel she shouldn't be saying this - it's your business not hers. However, if my son was going through this I would really hope that he'd feel able to share it with me and that Id be able to support him.

Out2pasture Mon 07-Dec-15 06:24:09

lugo40 I was the mother-in-law in the exact same situation.
my son has azoospermia.
receiving the phone call from my daughter-in-law was hard, my husband and I were heartbroken to hear. initially didn't believe the diagnosis as we have no family history of fertility issues, our son was never ill or in an accident.
but I would like to think we rose to the occasion, became more supportive and understanding and eventually helpful and instrumental.
3 years later our dear daughter-in-law is now pregnant and 31 weeks along smile

please share the information with your inlaws

lugo40 Mon 07-Dec-15 07:12:25

thank you, it is nice to hear from people in this situation.

I know my mother and father in law will be absolutely devastated when they know we kept it from them, as close as i am to them though they are still my husbands parents so i have felt all along he should choose when to tell them. However, it is now silly as i am drinking wine whenever i see her just incase she thinks i am pregnant. I know it is hard to my husband as the infertility is with him and his parents, as an only child, are quite intense.

I will talk to my husband tonight about telling them. If he doesn't want to then I think i need new strategies of how to react when she mentions us having children - so far just smiling, drinking wine and changing the subject is not working well.

Out2pasture Mon 07-Dec-15 07:18:47

by the time we were told he had had all the testing and biopsy's.
we were not bothered by the fact that we were not told earlier.
as I read up on infertility I came to realize it can be a slow moving process.

Biscuitsforbribes Mon 07-Dec-15 13:44:12

Hi lugo I know exactly how you feel! I'm spending all my time fending off the baby comments and purposely drinking wine whenever we're with family! Neither side of our families know we're ttc and were due to start treatment in January.

It's so difficult isn't it! I'm getting to the point now where I feel we should say something and get the pointed comments to stop, but at the same time I don't want this massive expectation on us as I know how excited (crazy) our mums will be!

If your husband doesn't want to tell them, maybe have him have a nice chat with his mum just to explain that yes, grand children will be on the cards in the future, but that the comments and questions need to stop for now and for them to respect that.

I think it's so easy for those comments to be made by mums especially, but I think they're well intended and that they would be upset to think they are causing any hurt with them. I'm planning on using the light laugh and "oh one day!" And then changing the subject option over Christmas if we stick by our decision to keep quiet!

Good luck with your decision smile

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