Hello fellow mums netters,
This is my first ever post, I'm hoping to find others in a similar situation and who might know how I feel.... Nobody in my life seems to understand as they haven't been in this ..... Limbo!
My partner and I are ttc for 1 year now...I know that's not very long compared to what some people have to go through so I hope I don't sound terribly ungrateful and whiney.
I'm 31 and my other half is 45. We both want a children very badly (I'd also be happy to adopt). We've been doing everything "right" , my cycle is regular, we've been eating healthily, don't smoke or drink much.... I know I should chill out and think "if it happens it happens" but there are various factors that are making me feel utterly miserable in my current situation.
We're going to see the doctor next week as we're concerned that if nothing happens within the next year or two my other half will be nearly 50 and I'd worry about him being retirement age with teenagers (or school age kids, as we'd like more than one) ....I feel as if time is rapidly slipping away from us :(
The other factor is that I am utterly miserable at work. I work in a highly pressurised office environment and there are several issues around my work at the moment. Due to illness in my final year at uni I graduated with and ordinary rather than an honours degree and this has held me back from pursuing careers I'd love and I've done mainly office work. I can go back to the open uni and complete my honours degree and pursue something more rewarding (I'd like to continue studying psychology, possibly educational psychology) but this would annielate my savings (savings I've pain streaking key accumulated with a view to having some time off with a baby) and mean I have zero free time..... I could not have a baby and simultaneously finish my studies and change career, it would have to be one then the other.
Our original plan was to have a baby (or two) before it gets too late, then for me to complete my studies part time when the kids are at school. I have this awful feeling that it's going to take us a long time to have a baby, and it may not be possible at all. I guess I'm feeling particularly down this weekend and af arrived this morning (12th cycle since we started actively trying) and we're both quite disappointed :(
If we find out we can't conceive I'd be delighted to adopt, but having two friends going through this process right now I know that it is also a long road.
I feel like I'm trapped, I'm utterly dreading work tomorrow and prob won't sleep well tonight thinking about it...but I darent leave or spend money on myself (on studies) in case I fall pregnant. I would get a few months mat pay in my current job also.... I feel like I need to stay put, stop complaining, keep saving and keep ttc. It would be really difficult if I left my stable job, spender my savings on uni fees and fell pregnant...I'm not sure we'd cope. We have a mortgage and various other commitments....Everything has to be planned :(
It's just so hard to keep the faith.... What if years more pass and I've spent the last few years miserable! I don't mind making sacrifices in order to have a baby ....my other half so desperately wants to be a daddy and its gutting knowing how excellent he'd be, seeing him with friends kids and feeling every month like I have let him down. I'm also at the age where my friends are all getting pregnant after like 2 months which is highly annoying but I try to be as supportive and happy for them as possible. It would be so bad if I had all the money in the world and wasn't trapped in a job I hate!
Wow, this post ended up being a lot longer than planned. Sorry ladies! I know that nobody can change my situation and I really really hope I haven't sounded too ungrateful. I'm lucky to have a lovely partner and a nice home, cats, a car etc etc. It's just so hard to know what to do.
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Life on hold and miserable!
12 replies
Bea1985 · 08/11/2015 18:53
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