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Best friend announced pregnancy

(7 Posts)
Disorderedthought Mon 26-Oct-15 17:59:45

Struggling for years with secondary infertility. Thrown the book at it.
Best friend (fully aware of all the details) has just announced to me in middle of social function her positive preg test for her second preg.
Why is it so hard? The logical part of my brain is so happy for them, but most of my brain is bitter and feels like the bottom has dropped out of my world.
I don't think our friendship sadly will survive in its current form as she clearly doesn't "get it" given the mode of telling me and the fact that she seemed surprised when DH and I vanished.
I'm having a complete meltdown about it
I feel like I've lost my friend and I'm going to end up with an only child and no friend.
Any advice?
Does counselling make things any easier? Will our friendship survive? How will I cope when she (inevitably) has a whinge about being pregnant/having 2 children?
I'm cross with myself as this scenario was totally predicable and I have spectacularly failed to deal with it.
I'm having a complete meltdown and wonder if a few days off work would help or do people think that staying busy was helpful?
Sorry for the rambling...
For those of you having to tell a friend this, I would suggest sending a message to them so that they have the time to process the information away from you/anyone else.
I feel like a sad bitter individual and I'm sure she's better off without me dragging her down anyway.

howtorebuild Mon 26-Oct-15 18:04:31

I can see you are having a hard time. flowers

Could it be you that doesn't get it?

I always think comparison is the thief of joy, you have two separate bodies. The friend didn't take the last sweet in the shop, she's living her life.

Mummamayhem Mon 26-Oct-15 18:09:20

I found telling myself I'm not envious, I don't want her baby/pregnancy I want my own. Dunno if that makes sense but meant I didn't feel too jealous.

Dont loose a friend, she's not done anything wrong. Maybe just tell her you're finding it a bit hard but that you're happy for her?

Chattycat78 Tue 27-Oct-15 09:31:54

Yep I get it. It's awful. You feel happy for them but irrationally angry and jealous. I'm also facing secondary infertility- it was hard for me to even get pg the first time and I ended up doing ivf. During that time, I had to deal with approximately 8 preg announcements. Now, I'm finding the announcements hard again esp from people who have found it a breeze and seem so fortunate. Most recently, I had to plaster on a smile in a room full of people when my SIL announced that she was pg again after 1 month of trying. Her and her husband already have 4 kids between them and they know how hard it was for us to conceive, yet this made no difference to the way they announced it. I imagine it didn't even cross their minds. I suppose you could argue, why should it? They are in their own bubble of happiness- not thinking about you.

I do think that the comment about comparison being the thief of joy is very true. It's just managing to apply it which is the hard part. Having said all that, your friend really should have found a better way to tell you if u believe she should understand and knows all the facts about you. Could you talk to her and explain? It might make her more sensitive for the rest of the pregnancy.

Lynn5 Tue 27-Oct-15 21:30:46

I've sent you pm.

alockie Fri 30-Oct-15 15:49:50

agree with Mummamayhem. Yr friend is happy and would be pleased to share her happiness. And if you were pregnant, and your friend would behave as you? Would you feel sorry.
I was pregnant first, my closest friend when knew about that ended up our friendship without any single word. Several years have passed and please believe it still hurts and truly I cannot understand and miss her much.

KittyandSqueal Fri 30-Oct-15 15:56:50

That's shitty.

After loosing dd2 and now finding out I can't have any more I have had numerous baby announcements to deal with. Each one horrid in its own delightful way.

My db and sil phoned this week to tell us they're having their first. I was so excited on the phone, then sobbed and cried and raged (don't even know what about) and now I'm back to happy.

There are quite a few friendships that won't survive this for me yes I'm looking at you nct friend who sent around whinging email about accidentally falling pregnant but just about having got their head around it

I think counselling might help. It helped me after loosing dd2. I am now spending time getting my head around dd1 growing up on her own, I figure I'll give myself a while for the news to sink in and if I'm still struggling I'll go back to my lovely counsellor.

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