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Dealing with IVF failure

(8 Posts)
IcsiWitsyBabyPlsGetUpMySpout Thu 17-Sep-15 10:58:51

I am 8dp5dt and have been bleeding lightly since 5dpt. It ebbed and flowed as my period always does but this morning developed into full on AF.

We're a simple case really, I'm 28, no issues. DH has terrible sperm. We had 15 eggs collected, one 5 day blast replaced and two frozen. My family are all super fertile so we thought if we got that far, it would just work. Obviously it hasn't.

We have funding for another fresh round so we can try again, and we have our frosties so all is not lost. But I am just so worn down by it all. This is not what I wanted to happen. I would have gone straight to adoption if it were my feelings alone to consider but DH is desperate for his own biological child and I need to do this for him. My biggest fear is putting myself through this multiple times (we've agreed we'll do three fresh round and FETs with any we manage to freeze) and it just won't work. All that heartache and pain and worry for nothing.

allchatnicknamesgone Thu 17-Sep-15 11:36:45

I'm really sorry it didn't work. Give your self time to regroup and you'll be stronger again.
You can have the natural frozen ET and there are no drugs at all, so once you ovulate (I assume you do naturally), you can just go the clinic and have the ET which you know is actually ok and painless and relatively quick.
It's very sad, so allow yourself to wallow and have a cry. I promise that in a few days time you will feel better and more solid again. Remember there are probably still a lot of drugs in your system too. Plan to do something nice and normal this weekend.
The only thing that puts me off ivf is not the drugs and the relentless bloods and scans and just the uncomfortableness of having to open your legs every 5 mins, it's the massive emotional drop from a huge height. You invest everything and then in the moment when you pull your pants down and it's all over. Fucking horrible.

FishenNuggets Thu 17-Sep-15 13:28:56

Give yourself time. It's ok to grieve what you've lost.

Look after yourself, do the nicest of things and regroup when/if you're ready.

sunshineonarainyday1 Sat 19-Sep-15 13:14:51

Sorry to hear things haven't worked out but just want to echo what everyone else has said. You've been through one of the hardest things in the world and you need to give yourself time. You may feel very differently over the next couple of weeks and longer. This whole process is SO hard. We were lucky enough that it worked first time with only 1 embryo to play with but once we came out the other end it really hit me how hard a journey it had been. I think I was pretty depressed during the years we were trying and through the actual IVF treatment itself. I told myself that I could never do it again and if it hadn't worked we would move on but in reality I'm not sure I would have after one go. Sounds like your plan of three fresh goes plus any frozen cycles is a sensible approach and with time I hope you decide to go back to this way of thinking. But if not don't beat yourself up aboyt your decision. You have to do what's best for you and not just for your husband's sake.

Good luck to you whatever you decide to do xxxx

miamiaMo Tue 20-Oct-15 17:06:53

I am sorry to hear about yr situation. Generally ivf is not easy procedure, also in mental area. IOnce I bumped into girls' posts who have undegone 6th and 7th ivf and still want to give a birth to own biological child. Also know girls who have adopted and are happy mums now. In situation like yours it is difficult to find a golden middle, your view or yr husband's aspirations should dominate. The question is whose view will be dominated.

Waitingimpatient Tue 20-Oct-15 18:04:27

So sorry it has not worked for you this time. It's a complete roller coaster and such a difficult thing to go through.

I had a day 3 transfer on 10 October and had a bfn this morning with a first response and I'm having bloods done tomorrow which will likely confirm the negative result. IVF is so difficult. Be kind to yourself x

HammerToFall Tue 20-Oct-15 18:14:45

There's nothing anyone can say to make it feel better. Right now you will be devastated and all the hope and excitement you had building up and bubbling inside is gone is one foul swoop.

We had four failed cycles and gave up. Money and the ability to cope had ran out. The pain never goes away but it does get easier to deal with.

Ive got everything crossed for you for next time. Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve


Lynn5 Tue 20-Oct-15 20:20:24

So sorry to hear how your feeling. I and most women on this know exactly how you're feeling. I had a failed icsi about 3 weeks ago and just staring to feel slightly better, and by that I mean starting to feel ready to face it all again. 3 fresh cycles sounds a sensible approach, but I can totally understand what you mean when you say if it doesn't work then you have gone through it all for nothing. That's one of my greatest fears!

As others have said be kind to yourself, and I've found recently that being a bit selfish and saying no to things to don't want to do helps. Put yourself first as much as possible. I myself just now am really struggling with everything and am prob feeling a bit depressed by it all. One of the other posters on here wrote, living month to month not planning anything to far in advance just incase..... And I think that describes Ivf in a nutshell. If I am lucky to every have a baby then I know I'll look back at these years and think what the hell! how did I ever manage to get through that. But the desire to have my own baby has managed to pull me through even the darkest of days.

I had actually posted earlier to see if the was some kind of meet up where I could talk to someone in the same situation as I feel would Benifet from it, someone who actually knows the heart wrenching pain of what it's like cycle after cycle and how it consumes your life. Are you having counselling along side your treatment. I've as a session and it was good to vent and not to be told, "oh my sisters friend was just driving to hosp to start her Ivf and found out she was pregnant naturally" etc. If you need to talk further you can message me. X

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