Upset & need to vent

[charlievictor9]

Newby here, couldn't think where else to turn.

Background - I'm 36, been with my OH 9 yrs, ttc for last 4. I've got horrendous PCOS so no chance naturally. He's 46 & has son 19 & daughter 11. We've tried all our NHS options & have no way of raising the money for IVF.

I'm trying to face up to the idea it'll never happen for us & at the same time have my 'happy face' ready for when yet another friend or relative (most recently my brother & his gf) have babies.

Last night OH came back from meeting his son & announced he's going to be a granddad, stepson's GF is 3/4 weeks pg. They haven't told anyone else yet so can't talk to friends or even my mum about it. After the initial shock I couldn't help but cry ... He's going to be a granddad when I'm not even a mum

His only response was "I knew I shouldn't have told you" and he hasn't spoken to me since.

How the hell do I cope with this?!

And yes I know I'm being selfish here, and obviously OH's kids have to be his priority, but after so many years of heartache I've decided now I'm putting MYSELF and my feelings first - I've got to be someone's priority!

Thanks for reading.

[Oliberox3]

Aw hugs babe, it's so tough keeping the happy face on sometimes.
Did you have an NHS IVF?
Or do your area not offer if one of the couple has a child?
Xx

[charlievictor9]

Thanks Oliberox3

Nope, not eligible for NHS ivf. Seems a bit harsh when it's me needing treatment.

Xx

[KittyandTeal]

Wow, that's pretty shitty. Different reasons but I understand that gut punch when yet another person becomes pregnant or has a baby. It's so hard.

Your DH should have been a bit more sensitive, obviously he needed to tell you but that comment was pretty crappy.

I have no advice expect allow yourself to be upset and rage. It's bloody unfair that some people struggle to conceive or never do

[leccybill]

Oh, that's a really tough one to take. I think your DH just needs to understand how gut-wrenching it feels and acknowledge that you'll need some time to process things.

I'd be gutted too. Over three years ttc#2 here, no money to save for IVF and in a bit of a wilderness really, while the world churns out babies all around me. Someone in work has had 4 babies while I've been trying to have one.

Sympathies from me

[Oliberox3]

Is it possible to look at another NHS area
I know lots treat up to 39-40 even if one partner is a parent
I'll message you xx

[charlievictor9]

Oh you're all so lovely

It's really comforting to know someone understands how I feel & why and that I'm not being totally unreasonable.

[allchatnicknamesgone]

Bless you. My heart would be breaking too so well done for keeping sane.

DH needs to really understand how you are feeling. I often struggle with this problem with my Dh and he can say some pretty stupid and insensitive things some times. I often write him an email. Sounds odd, but it often helps and it makes him understand things better.

I understand, that at the moment you are just trying to cope with your won feelings of having a baby, but maybe if you really cannot afford ivf, you could consider adoption.

Hang in there x

[charlievictor9]

Thank you allchat

He's started speaking to me again this evening, but only to tell me I ruined the wondrous moment he found out he was going to be a granddad.

I got the adoption info pack a few years ago but was so disheartened by the requirements I just couldn't see us ever being approved.

Time to get my game face on now as stepson & his gf are on their way round for dinner ... I've been warned not to cry ...

[allchatnicknamesgone]

Oh god. Have a stiff drink and you can do it. Last thing you bloody need though.
You didn't ruin that 'wondrous' moment because you weren't even with him when he found out! Also, he's not actually a grandparent yet. She's only 4 weeks gone, bloody long way to go yet!
You've got 9 months to try and get in a better place before their baby arrives - maybe look at it that way?