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FFS!! The apparent ease with which most people get pregnant / have kids

(8 Posts)
didwedotherightthing Fri 07-Aug-15 13:49:00

I've just read that Andy Murray and his wife are expecting a baby in February. They only got married in April! Now, I'm assuming that they weren't TTC before the wedding (bump / dress issues AND / or possible 1st tri sickness wouldn't be great!) and so only started trying after the wedding yet got pregnant pretty much straight away.

I know they're not unusual but does anyone else with conception / miscarriage issues just rage when they read this kind of stuff??!!

God I could weep!!

My friend has a first child the same age as my child and recently had her second. She always talked about wanting a 3 year gap, not a 2 year gap and that's what she's got, despite having had a miscarriage too just before my first miscarriage. She definitely wasn't trying for the sibling before last September (she ran a marathon then) and so got pregnant as soon as they tried, miscarried very early on (sadly) and then got pregnant again straight away, which is now child #2.

I have one precious child from IVF and have had 2 MCs in the past year since we started trying to a sibling. No sign of another BFP. AF about to start, despite having done our 'best' this month and had the help of Clomid. Trying to plan in more IVF treatment, anticipating the stress, uncertainty and expense of that, while feeling so low a fair bit of the time, yet trying to be the best and most positive mum I can (and DH the best Dad) to our child in the meantime. All the while the clock ticks, and my chances to getting and staying pregnant decrease with the passage of time and with each miscarriage. And I'm surrounded by people with 2+ kids or 1+ a growing bump. It's like deja vu... Primary infertility was crap and soul-destroying. We were fortunate to come through that, only to know face secondary infertility, and now miscarriage. WTAF?? Neither of us are overweight, we east healthily, don't smoke, hardly drink, exercise regularly yet are reproductively defective. We hurt so much yet our pain is invisible to others.

(Side note to MN HQ. Would be great to have infertility and miscarriage in the same overall section of Talk. They're very often go together and I never know where to post my questions and angst. I have to be in one camp or the other, it seems? Or double-post?)

enocar Fri 07-Aug-15 16:32:01

Hugs It's easy to look and see what others have that we want, I guess that's just human nature, but really you should be looking and being thankful for what you already have. Someone would love to be in your shoes, being blessed with even one child, some people don't even get that. I've been trying for 8 years in that time 20 kids have been born to various people I know, it's hard but we shouldn't wish away someone's happiness, who knows perhaps they were trying before they got married, I know I was, I thought getting married might somehow make me more fertile lol!

perrita Fri 07-Aug-15 17:45:36

My SIL has just announced she is pregnant, I think she was even on the pill! It is hard when others seem to so easily fall pregnant, DH and I have been trying for about 4 years now and no luck for even our first and it isn't fair but it's not their fault we struggle either.

VerityWaves Fri 07-Aug-15 17:49:33

I'm sorry about your situation. But I will say that you don't always know what goes on behind closed doors. Some people are v private about their fertility issues and may have had a lot of pain and heartache to get to where they desired to be.

gabsdot45 Sat 08-Aug-15 16:49:34

My SIL got pregnant with twins when she was finished her family and on the pill. She ended up with 5 children under the age of 5. That's a hard hand to be dealt in a different way.
I come from a family of very fertile women. My mum, aunts, sisters all got pregnant easily. My DH has a zero sperm count but Im sure I would have been able to easily get pregnant with a fertile partner. I feel that my fertility has been a waste and It's a pity I couldn't give it away to an infertile woman with a fertile husband. IYKWIM.
I also know women who had had babies with 2 or 3 different men, why was at least one of them not fertile.
I guess we all have our 'cross to bare' and infertility is a really hard one but other people have their sadnesses too.

MrsC2013 Thu 13-Aug-15 21:15:36

I'm feeling the exact same way tonight so i had to post, which is my first time. I knew my husbands sister in law was pregnant but they found at the first scan today that they're expecting twins! We knew they were trying and she got pregnant immediately despite having a condition that should have affected her fertility. My husband and I have been trying for nearly 3 years for our first with no luck, I haven't ever had a positive test. Like you said, everyone seems to just fall pregnant so easily and it crushes me everytime someone else announces it in the family. Im happy for them but devastated for us. Trying to be positive but it's so hard sad

mindfulandgrateful Thu 13-Aug-15 21:26:01

I went through a very similar situation to yours.

I have never felt rage or envy towards others with bumps or DC - only happiness - people ask "why me?" But then my answer to that was always "why not me?".

The only way to move forward with life is through acceptance of the situation - whatever that maybe.

I remember being admitted to hospital miscarrying a twin - and being sat in the hospital watching desperately ill children walking through the hospital - all I could think of was how grateful I felt for having a healthy DD .

mindfulandgrateful Thu 13-Aug-15 21:29:57

And I really echo Gabs.

A lot of women/ people have their own private heartache. Just because it's not visible it doesn't mean that their heart hasn't been scarred by something relating to fertility or children.

As a nurse caring solely for females , there are very few women imho who have not had a fertility or baby related trauma

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