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At what point do you give up?

(3 Posts)
dreamoutloud Tue 23-Jun-15 16:34:50

We have been ttc dc2 for 3 and a half years. Tests, examinations, surgery, infertility treatment... and still nothing. DS is 6 years old and has even started asking for a brother or sister which is like a knife to the heart! We have no family nearby - no cousins, or kids of old friends who are as good as family. I think sometimes that would make it easier, if he at least had extended family. I know I am lucky to have a child but this is not the family I envisioned. I worry my son often feels lonely and I am so tired of the rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. We probably have two more goes with treatment but at this stage I just don't ever see it happening. I'm trying to look for the benefits of a one child family, but that's just me trying to be positive. Deep down I'm aching with disappointment, and the hurt of years of questions about when were going to have another and watching friends families grow and grow. How do I accept that this isn't going to happen and get on with my life?
Sorry, BFN yesterday and I just need to have a moan!

Mrsbadger77 Tue 23-Jun-15 17:39:25

I'm in the same boat as you although been trying for dc2 for less time and dd is younger. I'm now starting treatment with progesterone as mine was woefully low. There are no guarantees this will fix it and in some ways it sets the clock back to zero, but as you know, month after month of heart ache and disappointment makes it so hard to stay positive.
I am in the same boat as you in the sense that we have no cousins or family so dd would be on her own. That's why I've decided if it comes to it I will adopt. I feel like my family is not complete and that I have so much more love to give.

What treatments have you had? Would you ever consider adoption?

dreamoutloud Wed 24-Jun-15 15:32:45

Hi Mrsbadger, sorry to hear you're going through this too.
I had to have surgery to unblock one of my Fallopian tubes and since then I've tried clomid and injections, both on their own and together! Had a couple of very painful and prolonged inseminations as my uterus likes to hide away! Also a couple of medicated cycles where I didn't even ovulate so couldn't even try. I have PCOS and also worry about the risk of the tube blocking again. It seems to be the side that I most often ovulate on too.
The first doctor I saw lost me lots of time as he didn't do all the correct tests and had me on clomid without discovering the blocked tube. When I decided to look for someone else I had to start from scratch with tests etc. IVF is not available where I live (overseas).
Adoption is Very difficult where we are (not a great infrastructure) and we plan to move continents in a couple of years. The process is so long - what happens when we have to leave half way through? I also worry about the implications for DS, as adoptions are usually of older children. I'm not sure it's fair to him to bring a child into our home who could have challenging behavior.
So, I'm trying to accept that this may be permanent, our little family of three. As much as I want another child, I have to admit that as the years pass, and I move so far from the baby years, it's quite a thought to go back to all of that! That's the kind of thing I'm trying to tell myself, that if it doesn't happen at least I don't have to go back to that! (Though of course I would in a heartbeat).
And the dream of a wee playmate for DS is long gone. There would be at least 7 years between them now. I know there could still be a nice relationship between them, but very different. So I have already had to let go of the family I thought I was going to have. But letting go altogether - that's much harder.

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