Any point in trying again?

[fackinell]

Had MC #4 at the end of April and vowed no more (I'm 44yrs old.) we were about to get tested for NK uterine cells but now have to wait until July. I'm just wondering if there's any point really. I read that statistically around one in 14 of my eggs are any use now due to my age. Any advice you can give me please?

[Isabeller]

My infertility journey reached a similar point then took an unexpected turn with an ovarian cancer scare. After treatment and a few more years it was not possible to use my own eggs.

My partner was very keen to become a Dad. I had had a child in my 20s but always hoped for more (and had years of tests and treatment).

We decided on egg sharing which I felt meant we were helping someone else who desperately wanted a child even if it didn't work for us. We now have a lovely 18mo.

It took a lot of thinking through for me but has worked out wonderfully. I was very much influenced by the stats saying there was a 30% or more chance each cycle. We had one fresh cycle that didn't work and one frozen one that did.

Good luck whatever you decide. xx

[fackinell]

Thanks Isabeller and congratulations on your success.

My DP has a DD from his previous marriage and because he already had a genetic link with a child I wanted any child we had together to either be 100% both ours or 100% not. I'd see a child we had using a doner egg as his and not mine (like the daughter he already has.) I'm keen to adopt but he isn't at all.

It's tricky as we can get pregnant naturally and the low success rates mean I won't throw money away on IVF. It has to be natural or not at all.

Thank you for your good wishes.

[Lymmmummy]

So sorry to hear that - I would think at 44 /45 using own eggs would be statistically unlikely but not impossible -

you could try donor egg which I appreciate you're not keen on -'many people say they feel as if the child is their own regardless of who supplies egg

Adoption is not for whimps either -

no easy choices - I feel for you - very hard when you struggle to conceive especially when it seems so easy for everyone else -

[fackinell]

Hi Lymmummy, sorry, haven't been on for a few days. Yes, my friend had a son by a donor egg (at 50 ) and she says the same but because DP has a DD already, I really think I'd feel he'd had another child with someone other than me. I know that sounds weird but if I feel that way now then I'm worried I'd feel that way later.

The issue isn't getting pregnant, they just don't make it past 8wks. I suspect my body rejects DPs DNA. If I was going to try at all it would be naturally. My body and mind feel exhausted by 4 losses in three years but I DO want a baby.i may go see Dr. Queen by for tests before trying again. It's a tough call.

[Shellster52]

Hello fack. I wish I was introducing myself because I have some magical answer for you, but I just don't. The only logical suggestion I thought as I read through this thread is 'is it possible to have the embryo tested if you do have another m/c' to get a clear answer as to what is going wrong?' I just know that a lady at my clinic had hers tested when she m/c'd at 10 weeks and it was found to have downs syndrome.

My DH has dud sperm and we have not had a single pregnancy in the 4 years we have been trying. I am just starting up my 11th and final (last I can afford!) IVF cycle. So for us, once this cycle is over, the finality of it will feel very real, as we can't conceive naturally, but for you it must be hard not to try when you know there is an egg being released and it's free to attempt, even though the miscarriage is emotionally tough.

[fackinell]

Hi Shellster, the only embryo I've managed to 'catch' was the first. I had no idea about testing so I'm horrified to say I flushed it away.i think it was the shock. The others have been just loads of clots and the last was a pregnancy of unknown location. They said I was a bit of a mystery as my hcg was high enough for there to be a substantial embryo present.

I did get a book suggested on another thread called 'it starts with the egg,' so I'm reading that at the moment. TBH I wasn't paying too much attention to a pre-pregnancy diet as I assumed my eggs were as they would be regardless.

I change my mind daily on having one or not, mainly because DP and I have had a rocky time of it due to the stress (and other factors such as his DD having a shitty attitude towards me and him never being objective about it and taking her side.) I can't bring myself to close opportunities such as travel, moving away again from my hometown etc if I can't see a future together and I'm stuck here forever as a lone parent. I saw my mum go through this, she had big ideas that fell by the wayside because of me.

I wish you HUGE success for your IVF. Wary of sounding too woo here but I use crystal therapy and it's had great success with friends. Rose Quartz is fab for fertility. I can give you more details of you're interested in trying it for yourself. If you're not sat there like haha.

[Shellster52]

Hi fack, I'm about to race off for my IVF appt now but I know it's nearly night time there so you will be sound asleep if I post when I get back. I shall post a more thoughtful answer when I get back so you will have a message from me when you wake up in the morning :)

[Shellster52]

I should probably have been more thoughtful fack when I suggested having the next embryo tested if you decide to put yourself through it again. I haven't been through a miscarriage myself and was just trying to come up with a practical way for you to know exactly what is going wrong, But I hadn't considered the emotional aspect of having to 'catch' it in the midst of the emotional shock of the bleeding starting. That last one sounds bizarre, having a pregnancy of unknown location.

I have heard of that book too and read about the author who sounded like she was very well education and qualified to give expert advice, as well as herself having had trouble conceiving. I am going more into debt for my last IVF and am saving every penny trying to repay it let alone buying a book. Another lady on mumsnet read it and I asked her for any tips. She summed up the book by saying

• take Melatonin
  
• have good oral hygiene
  
• avoid chemicals in shampoos/conditioner
  

but if you have any extra tips from the book, I would love to hear.

The only thing I am trying while I go through my last IVF is to do periods of fasting. Apparently if we fast for 14-16 hours, our body switches from making new cells to repairing the cells we currently have. There are books about it and studies online showing how it increases longevity. I figured that the egg is a cell so perhaps I should give that a go to increase the chance of my eggs being genetically normal if they spend some time in 'repair mode as they grow this cycle.

It is a tricky situation for you when a part of you is feeling like you and DP do not have a future together but then having this nature innate desire to be a mother.

What does this crystal therapy involve? My sister gave me a stone that is supposed to represent strength so I took that and held on to it to help me get through my IVF scan today in case there was bad news. I never believed in this, but at the moment I would roll in cow manure if they told me it will help my last IVF work!

[fackinell]

Hi Shellster, I have everything crossed for you that this attempt works!! Do you have a library near by that you can take out the book? If i had a hard copy I'd happily post it to you but its on kindle. I'll send you tips once I get into it.

You weren't being insensitive at all about catching an embryo. My MW told me to pee in a sieve to catch anything, it would have helped probably but after the first I couldn't find anything of substance.

Yes, the last of was weird, they were worried it was ectopic but I had no symptoms. I can only assume my body reabsorbed it, MW had never seen anything like it. Said I was certainly unique weird

I bought a rose quartz and my sis who had trouble conceiving 'fell' the next month. As did a cousin and a friend who had IVF at 50 with a donor egg. If you have a shop that does stones, hold them in your hand until you get one that feels right. Put it under cold running water and leave on a sill in the light of the sun and the moon (so 24 hrs.) don't allow anyone else to handle it after but put it in a safe place next to your bed.

[Shellster52]

I've never heard of putting a stone on the sill in the light of the sun and moon before! I do like the feel of my sisters stone in my hand already so perhaps I shall stick to this one. As I said, I've never believed that a stone could have the effect of pregnancy, but because it represents strength, it does remind me that I am strong and I can do this when I am nervous as hec waiting for my name to be called for my IVF scans.

Thanks for your well wishes amidst your own troubles. I really hope things work out for you too, whatever path you decide to take.

[lugo40]

My sister was 23 and had frequent miscarriages, couldn't get past 9 weeks. They had treatment where, in basic terms, her Husbands white blood cells were transfused into her. Next month she fell
Pregnant and her son is now 22. Her body was rejecting the embryo as a foreign object. I have more recently heard that infertility is more and more thought of as autoimmune problem rather than a physiology problem and some consultants are treating that way with much success. Good luck

[fackinell]

Yeah its to absorb the energy, Shellster. It could well be a psychological thing like how prayer power works but if it works, who cares!!

Everything crossed for you!!

[fackinell]

Lugo, that's really interesting. Thanks for mentioning it, definitely worth looking into.

[Roonerspism]

Our children have been conceived with donor sperm. DH has no sperm.

He never questions them not being his. Every day we both feel incredibly lucky.

Is egg sharing definitely not for you?

[fackinell]

No, definitely not, Rooner. I Wouldn't question your husband's paternity either, it takes much more than a sperm or egg to make a parent. It's just not for me, I'd rather adopt. He already has a daughter, she's not mine and in my head, any we had with a donor egg would be his and not mine either.

Mind you, the way this week is going I'm off the whole idea!! Things are not going well.

[Shellster52]

Oh fack, I'm sorry to hear that. This whole infertility struggle that has consumed the last four years of my life has definitely put a strain on our marriage. I can only imagine it's even harder when there is also the stress of past relationships and children involved. This website is fantastic to have a place to rant. I find it's easier to let out my thoughts and feelings here to strangers as a release than it is to sit down to someone I know. We are here if you need to rant.

[Roonerspism]

I understand fackinell. It's gruelling ????

Adoption just wasn't for me so I do understand. But it is different having your own donor conceived child, to entering that child's life at a later stage.

[fackinell]

Thanks guys, it is tough going. This is a fab place to rant.

Things have improved a bit after a few sharp words about attitude from me. I am nobody's verbal punchbag.

Lugo, where did your sis get the PIL done? I've been googling but can't find a UK hospital that does it, just a bunch of reports.

[lucieloos]

Fack, have you thought about double donor? It's a lot cheaper and quicker and would be similar to adoption in that the baby wouldn't be genetically yours or your husbands but you would get the chance to experience pregnancy and give birth and the baby would be with you from day 1 rather than later with adoption.

[fackinell]

Lucieloos, I haven't actually. I have a sneaking suspicion that my body is rejecting DP's DNA. There is nothing they can't find wrong with either of us and autoimmune disorders run in my family. I have a sneaky feeling that twice over DNA that's not mine would end in more heartache.

Thank you for your suggestion though. I appreciate all of your comments and potential solutions.

[lucieloos]

Have you tried intralipids, steroids and clexane for your auto immune issues?

[fackinell]

No,I haven't. We were to be heading off to see Dr. Quenby to check for uterine NK cells and then I got pregnant and had MC #4. July is the first month I can test now but we will be in London. I like the idea of having some of DP's white blood cells transfused so my body becomes immune to reacting rather than high dose steroids so I'll look into that first if I can find anywhere that does it.

[Shellster52]

Good luck fack. Let us know how you get on. Sounds like you've got a little holiday coming up which sounds very much needed. Hope it helps improve things even more.

[fackinell]

Thank you,I can't wait. Going to my other home for a week. I miss London terribly.

[Shellster52]

Hope you're having a lovely holiday fack :)