What happens when you go to the GP for the first time?(5 Posts)
Just that really.
A friend is going because she believes she has a problem with her fertility. She has been contraceptive free for about five years and hasn't fallen pregnant at all.
Her DH tells her (and us) that he was tested aged 21 (16 years ago) and doesn't have a problem because he is tested on a regular basis due to having three balls . We have said that a lot can happen in 16 years and between ourselves think he is lying about getting regular check-ups because no GP (we believe) would do this unless a couple were actively trying.
She is going to the GP alone though her DH knows about the appointment. We think her DH either doesn't want children and won't say but makes our friend believe she is the one with the 'problem' OR he is burying his head in the sand and is scared to find out that actually he has a low sperm count or has unhealthy sperm or whatever the reason could be. We have said that whatever the reason, it isn't something to be embarrassed about and going to the GP could actually fix something that is simple to fix (hopefully!)
Will the GP insist on seeing the couple together or send her DH to a clinic for tests etc the same as her or will the GP send only our friend because her DH didn't go along? What's the procedure?
We (my DH and I) are quite worried that our friend is going to be left devastated (that her DH has been lying or/and doesn't want kids).
I have been to most of my appointments on my own, mainly due to work commitments. I struggled to get dp to do a sample too but got there in the end. I don't think they need to see the man apart from analyse his semen which can be delivered by your friend.
I think men just struggle with the idea it could be something to do with them and feel like less of a man.
I think you have to take this chap at face value and believe what he has said.
Innocent until proven guilty and all that.
If he has had tests then they will link the records and your friend will know either way in the 1st appointment (if they share address, doctor and are registered as next of kin).
Good luck to your friend, I'm sure they will be able to send her for some tests and all will become clear in the end
Friend has doubts over his claims too. She says he hasn't visited GP (except for mental health issue 2 years ago). They are both registered with the same GP etc.
She has doubts because quite often he lies about taking time off work and other things such as drinking (we think he is an alcoholic. Drinks more than a bottle of wine and a fe bottles of lager EVERY night and friend has found secret stashes of wine bottles - half empty - in his car, wardrobe and outhouse. She admits she drinks too much and is actively cutting back but he won't).
Huge back story to these two that 1: It wouldn't surprise me if he was lying about his regular fertility checks. 2: that both have issues due to their lifestyle choices 3: And that there COULD be issues that are not lifestyle inflicted, IYSWIM.
She said she will keep us informed. Bless her!! She is so good with kids she will make a brilliant mum.
I'm really sorry don't know how to phrase this without sounding harsh... She may well be a brilliant mum but does she want them with an alcoholic that she can't trust?
Our worries exactly!
There is a whole host of issues with this couple that quite frankly we (DH and I) think it is a bad idea. Easier said than done as time is ticking by for her (mid thirties) and this could be her only chance. Even so, plenty children are brought up successfully with just one parent, IF it ever came to it. But yes, I agree entirely with your concern. Hopefully it may 'kick them BOTH into touch'. We have them down in our will as guardians to our two little ones (totally regret it) but we have absolutely nobody else who could look after our kids and TBH, it was 'her', our friend who we had in mind to be guardian. One big mess IMHO.
She has bee to the GP and he is putting her forward for all matter of tests and is insistent that her DH gives a semen sample. He has made an appointment with the GP. My bet is he claims the appointment was cancelled by the surgery, he forgot or he is lying about ever making it. Also the '3 balls' is so incredibly rare (as we have all found out) and only ever discovered when having an ultrasound for other matters AND friend has not 'seen' these 3 balls that doubt has been. Planted in her mind as to the truth of his claim. Me and DH are quite frankly amazed that she doesn't know this guy 'well'!!!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.