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Anyone out there going through IVF with donor sperm?

(12 Posts)
DowntonFlabbey Thu 07-May-15 18:01:47

I'm thinking very seriously about this, just wondering if anyone in the same situation?

Persipan Thu 07-May-15 19:57:26

Me. I did round 1 earlier in the year (no joy) and am gearing up for round 2 (I start back on the Pill as soon as my next period starts, so I guess mid-June-ish for the actual treatment). And Darkchoc is in a similar situation, so she may stop by as well.

Anything in particular you want to know?

DowntonFlabbey Thu 07-May-15 20:22:18

Hi, thanks for replying. If I go ahead, roughly mid June will be my time too.

Biggest fear is that it won't work, and all that money I'll lose. I suppose best to have a plan b in mind.

I was also wondering about Danish sperm. Is it cheaper? How did you choose your sperm?

Gosh, I have so many questions!

Persipan Thu 07-May-15 20:41:45

My clinic has its own sperm bank which is what I used (though I have done a couple of turkey-baster rounds of home insemination using Cryos sperm). Basically you just decide based on whatever criteria matter most to you - I think different people find different things important.

And yeah, it may not work. Statistically, for most people, it's more likely that it won't than that it will - it does depend on your age and other factors, though. Are you in touch with a clinic? Have they given you an idea of your odds?

DowntonFlabbey Thu 07-May-15 21:22:36

Yes, clinic didn't tell me percentage of success, but said all looks good.

I'm just doing a lot of research, and will try get in touch with others in my position ( going solo - no partner).

Persipan Thu 07-May-15 21:39:51

Ditto on the no partner!

There are stats by age on the HFEA website, and there's a calculator here: that gives an idea (though it doesn't have an option for just being single).

DowntonFlabbey Thu 07-May-15 21:44:12

Too nervous to look at calculator!! Do you know any other solo mums?

oddfodd Thu 07-May-15 22:03:03

You might want to contact the Donor Conception Network for more information to help you work through some of the questions (and meet other potential mums in your shoes).

Darkchoc Thu 07-May-15 22:19:34

Hi Downton, yes as Presipan says I'm also using donor sperm. Just had a failed IVF cycle - got the big negative last week!! I'm afraid this is not an easy option (in my opinion) either financially or emotionally. Indeed, the costs associated with using donor sperm are ridiculously expensive.

Oddly, in a way I feel kinda liberated doing it myself, though I can well and truly say that waking up after egg collection without any support a few hundred miles away from home was truly shite. I really did feel alone leaving the clinic, walking by couples going in for treatment etc.

I guess the low down is that if one has a supportive partner for IVF - fantastic - if partner is reluctant - then crap situation and going solo with donor sperm is undoubtedly more beneficial. Going solo, however, (I assume you are??) requires considerable strength. I must say that it really pisses me off that the only reason I'm going through IVF is because I'm single and don't have any sperm and in that regard, I do feel like a big failure. It would be nice to actually ttc with a man I loved.

I went through the ESB - European Sperm Bank. Do be prepared for not a lot of sperm! Once sperm is filtered for a) CMV, b) UK availability, c) personal characteristics, there really is not much choice. I'm 'cmv neg' but had to opt for a 'cmv positive' donor after a lot of failed searches. The ESB is not as up-to-date as one might believe, but the Bank seems more thorough than the big American ones. ALSO and this is very important...please read the profiles very carefully for hereditary or other health problems. Seriously, donors are not screened as well as one would believe...the same applies to UK donor sperm. The process of ordering the sperm was incredibly straight forward and it took 2 days to arrive.

The costs through the ESB...for 4 ampules + additional costs - I paid either just under or just over £2000. I've just done my sums tonight and my first failed IVF cycle cost me approx £8,500...but the chances of success are greater with IVF than IUI.

In terms of using a clinic, you'll have to go through 'implications counselling' too. Fairy straightforward. Some clinics charge, some don't.

Anyhow, I'm unsure how old you are etc etc? Any questions just ask.

Darkchoc Thu 07-May-15 22:37:00

Meant to add in response to your question, 'how is sperm chosen?'

Clinics and counsellors are pretty keen to achieve a 'fit' re: physical characteristics of biological parents. Thus as a caucasian woman with a DC who is fast approaching 4 yrs - we both have fair characteristics - that is therefore what I sought in a donor to achieve similar physical traits so any potential 'donor' child would generally resemble my DC and myself.

Other than that, it is just gut instinct or what feels right. Listening to the donor's voice, looking at their baby photo (if available) and reading their profile and family history helped in the selection process. Though as I intimated above, the first donors I wanted were not available. It was something like my 6th option that I went with and he is 'cmv pos' but other than that, I am happy with my choice.

DowntonFlabbey Fri 08-May-15 07:30:59

Thanks so much for your replies. I am sorry your IVF failed, were you prepared for that? Do they give you any reason why it failed?

I'll have a look at the DCN to try rally some support.

colafrosties Mon 11-May-15 11:00:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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