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Do I stop now or keep trying?

(14 Posts)
fackinell Thu 30-Apr-15 18:04:40

Pregnancy #4 on its way out. Had all tests possible on NHS and there's nothing wrong with either of us. The stress of this over the years has been unbelievable and I said this would be our last go.

I'm left feeling hollow about my decision, can you talk to me about your experiences either way please? I'd like to have some closure on this but don't know where to start.

Adoption not a possibility as I could but DP won't 'love the child the same as his own.' He has one already but I know I could be a great mum to a non bio child. I've cared for many and couldn't have loved them more had I given birth to them.

Any advice?

Tryingno1 Thu 30-Apr-15 18:51:09

I'm so sorry sad it really is such an awfully hard thing to go through. I've had 3 miscarriages: so far...

Only you can decide which way to go. As u have prob found there are millions of ladies who succeed on number 5/6/7 etc.

There are some non nhs tests u could look into, mr shehata and prof quenby do them. Mainly looking into raised NK cells as a cause which is tx with steriods along some other support. E.g clexane progesterone asprin cocktails

Pop over to the ttc on pred and/or the recurrent miscarriage thread when and if u feel ready. Loads of amazing ladies with sucess/working on it.

Look after urself and be kind to urself its truely heartbreaking.

fackinell Thu 30-Apr-15 19:09:46

Thank you, Trying. I'm sorry for your losses thanks
I have actually looked into this and contacted Kerry for Dr Quenby. I have to wait a few months now after this MC. I do suspect an autoimmune disorder as I have strong allergic symptoms during pregnancy. I'm hoping (not exactly but YSWIM) the embryo passes before my app tomorrow so they can test it. I've asked DP to at least think about adoption. It wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to me that my child wasn't bio. Is love to give any child the given right of a stable, loving home.

Tryingno1 Thu 30-Apr-15 19:21:47

Hi fackinell.
Ur still in the midst of it, as u prob know the daze and sadness slowly lifts but never goes. Then u can make a real descion about which way u want to go. For now try be kind to urself and have a break from TTC.
The recurrent miscarriage thread has loads of Quenby patients on it if u need advice.

fackinell Thu 30-Apr-15 20:59:23

Thanks Trying, my sis has just actually offered to surrogate for me!! She has a few health issues but I'm really touched by her offer. I'll explore all the options before I write things off. It's easy to say no more until the time comes. DP is thinking about adoption at least. Maybe we can do both options.

What have the professionals said about your own situation. I'm sorry to hear that you've had similar issues.

Tryingno1 Thu 30-Apr-15 22:09:28

Oh god that's another long story!
Bascially I had 3 quick pregnancies all miscarried. Saw Mr shehata told I have high nk cells. But Now can't get pregnant. DH sperm is super low in count morphology and mobility and so now I'm about to start ivf.
In the ivf world the investigations for miscarriage are a lot more advanced and a lot more issues have been brought up. They accepted my nk bloods and did some more. another 3/4 issues which need treating have come up. It means I need clexane asprin and metformin along the pred and intralipids for nk cells.

It's all v experimental and controversial, including nk cells, but I can't just try again and be told "nothing is wrong" which is what my nhs tests showed.

I'm in a pretty desperate place right now, feel like it's never ever going to happen. But I think every couple feels like this in this situation.

That's amazing of ur sister. How kind. Glad dh is considering adoption....def take it easy and make important choices in time
To come.

Good luck and hope u sleep well tonight x

fackinell Thu 30-Apr-15 23:39:01

Goodness, that sounds stressful for you. I'm glad you're having more in depth testing. I know the feeling that it will never happen. I know how it feels to not get excited about a new pregnancy and to wait for it to go wrong. And it has, every time. Making the decision that it can't happen again because I won't allow it to is hard. Because that means never taking the risk and never having our baby.

Getting annoyed with the fact that my cramps and bleeding have stopped and that my breasts are still painful, I know there's nothing there and it feels like my body is conspiring against me. I just want it to let go
So I can move on.

Yes, it was hugely kind of my sis. That is not an offer made lightly, she loves her weekend wine and has a demanding job plus two DC of her own but says she knows how much I want this.

Dreading hospital tomorrow, I've been told to expect a full day there. Bloods and an in depth scan if my HCG is up. Seems particularly cruel when I know it's all an illusion.

Tryingno1 Sun 03-May-15 18:58:33


I hope everything went ok as it can for u.....missed miscarriahes are so cruel when ur body make u feel shit and there's no gain sad

I see u have gone to care as I'm a lurker on the pred thread(!) I'm with them now too for my ivf so far they have been great. Did u just do NK cells or anything else?

fackinell Sun 03-May-15 23:16:21

Bugger, my message disappeared. I've only sent an enquiry to CARE but the Pred stuff makes me a bit nervous!! I my as well get tested at least so that I know.

I'm supposed to start a new job next week that I've put off for pregnancy issue reasons but I may be selfish and start next again week. Not quite up to it just now.

I lurk too so don't mind others seeing my other posts haha. I couldn't post on the pregnancy threads, they were all so excited and I just didn't feel it, but I lurked.

LadyGooGaa Mon 04-May-15 08:11:52

It is really up to you and nobody else. Only you know how much you want a child and how much you are willing to go through to get that. My sister in law has been doing IVF for 6 years and she is now 46 and has just given birth - nobody ever thought she would succeed - but she did. Again, it is a hard decision to make. I would talk in depth with an objective specialist (not someone who stands to make a fortune from your IVF) and see what their opinion is.

fackinell Mon 04-May-15 10:38:46

Hi Lady, yes that's a good suggestion. NHS are almost done with me other than support of pg again. There's absolutely no point in trying without testing for NK cells and more in depth issues that NHS won't test for.

One more checkup via a fertility specialist at least, that's what feels right. smile Thank you and thanks to your SIL.

LadyGooGaa Fri 08-May-15 09:01:19

Let me know how you get on. Xx

hawaiibaby Sat 09-May-15 15:40:31

I'm so sorry - I really hope you can get the NK cells tests done and find out some more info. That is so, so lovely of your sis x

fackinell Sun 10-May-15 01:13:46

Thank you, I will do.

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