Infertitility issues (recurrent miscarriage) and being a stepmom

[meow57]

Hi, I'm just reaching out really as I don't know anyone else in my position and it would be nice to fell less alone. I've had three miscarriages over the last three years and too many trips to the hospital to remember, plus I'm a stepmom. I'm not infertile, there is still a chance but I'm starting to loose hope really. I'm finding it hard to cope. I have a great husband, some amazing supportive friends, incredible parents and a job I love so I know I am lucky in many ways. But the sadness of my three losses, the stress of 4 operations in the last year (I have Asherman's from a D&C) and the fear of what is to come sometimes is just too much and I feel so incredibly sad.

On top of this I'm a step-mom. My stepchild and I have a great relationship. Sometimes I feel more like a big sister to him but of course I still have to play the part of a parent. He's having some issues at school at the moment, behaviour stuff, nothing awful, so we've been in and out of the school and trying so hard to find ways to support him. Sometimes being a step-mom is really easy other times it isn't! Last week I had a scan that showed I probably need another operation and the following day a load of stepchild stress. Again nothing major but enough to just push me that little bit over the edge. My stepson has a mom, that isn't my role in his life, he isn't my child and although I love him it's not the same as a love between a child and it's parent, I know because I see it between my stepson and his dad, and I see what I have with my parents.

I so desperately want a child, all bar one of my close friends that wanted children now have them and I feel like I'm been left behind and so envious of what they have, not jealous, I want them to have what they have, I just want it to!

Sometimes I feel so sad and so angry at the same time. At my worst moments I don't want to be a step mom, I want my own child, I don't want to look after a child that my husband shares with another less infertile woman.

I do speak to my friends and family about all of this but I'd love to speak to someone who is going through a similar situation to hear I'm not mad or evil.

Thank you xx

[CatnipMouse]

Nope, you're not mad or evil at all. Your feelings are NORMAL :0) Sad and angry and envious, I'm all of those as well. I'm not a stepmother so I don't have that perspective, but of course you want your own child, there is nothing wrong with that at all.

It sounds like you have been through a lot with the miscarriages and operations. Why shouldn't you be pissed off about it all? Most people would be. I'm not going to tell you to be grateful for what you have because it sounds like you are already, you sound kind and it sounds like you are always trying to remember the good things. I think that sometimes we just need to have a rant about what we don't have, instead of always trying to be happy with what we do have. That's fine. That's normal.

[Mishmash75]

You;re so not mad. i went through something similar in fact one of the girls i met who helped me just set up a blog website called Instamum which is a positive space for stepmums