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First cycle of ivf failed feeling like my world has ended

(11 Posts)
mrswelshy Thu 12-Feb-15 11:35:24

Hi all been lurking for awhile. I'm 40 and in dec 13 I had a silent miscarriage at 11 weeks this was a natural pregnancy and was devastating. It took a year to get pregnant and felt like my world had ended. So hubbie and I decided to try Ivf privately funded as he unfortunately has 2 daughters from his previous marriage. I was married before but my ex husband led me a merry dance pretending he want kids when he didn't. Yesterday our first cycle of of if failed I had 3 embryos transferred. I feel absolutely heartbroken, I can't stop crying and feel a compete failure. I can't even speak to any friends who are pregnant and have cut them off completely. My baby was due in July last year and I feel like I have no where to turn. All I think is that another woman has kids by the man I love and what if it never happens for us. Sorry for rant but feel so helpless.

bluehearted Thu 12-Feb-15 11:39:26

Didn't want to read and run, I am so sorry to hear what has happened. I hope you have people in real life you can talk to about what's happened. I wish I could offer some advice but I can't. Just wanted to say how sorry I am.
thanks

mrswelshy Thu 12-Feb-15 11:45:50

Thanks blue hearted.

Maidmarigold Thu 12-Feb-15 12:12:05

I'm so sorry flowers
I can't tell you a happy ending because I have recently had my fourth failed cycle. I have found it has got easier though and I can imagine a time when if doesn't hurt so much which I couldn't just 6 months ago.
3 embryos to transfer sounds like a good number so that's heartening that you made embryos that were suitable for transfer. Have your clinic given you any reason as to why they think it failed? I think a lot of luck is involved and often it is a case of keep trying. Easier said than done when it's so expensive and exhausting. My tip would be to take a few weeks break and then meet up with your dr for a debrief and discuss options. It always feels better when there is a plan. Remember that your hormones will be doing funny things just now and that will be making you feel worse.

mrswelshy Thu 12-Feb-15 12:47:13

Thanks maid marigold

They haven't given me a reason and I'm waiting for a review appointment with the consultant. I've got to do another pregnancy test tomorrow morning. God knows why? I'm bleeding but it's not like my normal period. It's brown blood with no stomach cramps. Maybe this is normal after Ivf. It's so physically and emotionally draining. The financial aspect is also difficult as saving up means almost putting your life on hold, no nights out, holidays etc. I'm just glad my husband is so supportive

Naty1 Thu 12-Feb-15 13:51:34

I think you have to be realistic that the stats for age may mean you have to have several goes before success. So yes a lot of saving up. Though it sounds like you had a lot of embryos (and a lot transferred).
Even at 32 i only had 1 good quality one.
How was the quality, was it a day 3/5 and wee they at the correct stage cell wise?
Hfea stats for success by age 2010
32.2% for women aged under 35
27.7% for women aged between 35–37
20.8% for women aged between 38–39
13.6% for women aged between 40–42
5.0% for women aged between 43–44
1.9% for women aged 45 and over

It is just stats though and dsis has had 2 dc between 37-38 from 2 cycles.
Hopefully the clinic will have ideas about what went wrong. The first go is often a bit of a trial as they dont know how much stims to give people.

mrswelshy Thu 12-Feb-15 14:19:46

I had 4 eggs and three fertilised. I don't really pay much attention to stats, they are just that stats. Everyone is individual. I mean what would the stats have been for me to have 3 out of 4 fertilise probably low but I still achieved it. Three of my eggs were grade 2 and one was grade 1.

Even though I'm 40 I've conceived naturally before at 39 and I have good quality eggs so for me it is a matter of time.

Naty1 Thu 12-Feb-15 15:26:59

That does sound a good result. I think average fertilisation is about 60%.
The grade and cell numbers does seem to make a difference.
Ive had success with grade a/b embryos twice (8 cells and either 8 or 10 cells). But my grade B 8 and 6 cells didnt work.
Looking into it online highest success does seem to come with embryos growing the expected rate, though say a 6 cell top grade can still work.
Do you mean they grade the eggs as well as embryos (theyve only ever said mine were mature/immature?)
In some ways age does have an advantage as they are more likely to put more embryos back.
On cycle 2 they started telling me i might only be able to put 1 back, as i only had 2 they let me and considering it failed anyway i wouldnt have wanted to waste time and money freezing and doing a FET.

Orangeanddemons Thu 12-Feb-15 15:33:31

Hi,

I had a silent miscarriage at 40, this lead to infertility problems.....

I had dd at 42..so it can happen!

mrswelshy Thu 12-Feb-15 19:09:32

Hi naty1

They only told me the grad of my eggs they said they were healthy embryos.

I've been at my lowest today just trying to muster up the courage to go through it all again. I know it will happen but I've waited so long and been through so much to get here
Here's to BFP for us both ��

mrswelshy Thu 12-Feb-15 19:10:52

Hi orangesanddemons

It nice to hear success stories like yours ��

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