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How did you deal with work?

(7 Posts)
Beaverfeaver2 Mon 02-Feb-15 22:20:39

When you found out that you had fertility issues what did you do about your work situation?

Based on the amount of appointments, different treatments, unhappiness, amd general unwellnes I don't feel it's viable to work the long stressful days I currently am.

I can no longer hide it from my employees.
I can't give the company the effort I used to
I can't concentrate
My work quality is suffering
My health is suffering
I sont sleep well and wake feeling exhausted and unwell
My priorities lie with me now

Am I the only one?
Am I being precious?

If you are like me and decide it is too much, how did your employer react?
Did your husband / partner support you?

What's the right thing to do?

ToesAndFingersCrossed Tue 03-Feb-15 09:23:20

I work in a predominantly male industry (I am the only female manager in a company of around 100 people) so I told my boss I had an ongoing gynaecological issue which he accepted and didn't want to know more. It was much easier after even just that. I feel like I can just nip out for appointments without lying now and it's really taken the stress off, which in turn has resulted in my performance going back to more or less normal. Yes, I'm tired and emotional, but as my husband keeps reminding me, even the clinic calls egg collection an operation, so that's what I had, and it will take weeks to recover. Work are being very supportive of me post op.

Phephenson Tue 03-Feb-15 11:53:55

I went through years of crying every time AF showed up and had industrial amounts of OPK and preg tests ordered online - I must have spent a fortune. I tied myself in knots about it but I'm now a lot more chilled going into IVF, even though I had a lap and endo removal Oct '13 I was still resigned to the fact that I would end up needing IVF (they still said I should conceive naturally but I just knew I wouldn't) so now I'm about to start I'm excited/nervous but not crying or anywhere near the mess I was when I wasn't even on the IVF waiting list - but hold that thought because I have yet to start filling my body with weird and wonderful hormones hmm

So far I have taken all my appointments as flexi because I am on a temporary contract and just about to get to the permanent contract stage - however, my company do allow time off for hospital appointments so as soon as I am (hopefully) taken on permanent I will be sending all the appointment letters to HR to get it wiped off my flexi.

I am going to treatment planning today and judging by the amount that I have to be at the hospital over the coming weeks for scans, EC and all that it won't be possible to keep it under wraps. I'm expecting AF on 18th Feb so fingers crossed!

Beaverfeaver2 - can your doctor sign you off work for a little while and then make a recommendation for you to have a phased return so that you do less hours each day for a month? Everyone has different coping mechanisms - I'm better being busy but that's not the right thing for everyone. Sending you a hug xx

Tootsiepops Tue 03-Feb-15 13:02:31

I asked to take a discretionary leave. I had a very stressful job with long hours, and a lot of travel to some quite dodgy places. I didn't feel I could give what would have been needed from me whilst having ivf, so I told my boss what was happening, she supported me wholeheartedly and I'm now on a career break. I also wanted to bring my stress levels right down, which I couldn't have done while I was still at work.

It was actually my husband who suggested taking some time out, and he has been shouldering the financial burden of just one of us bringing in a wage. That took a bit of adjusting to and it is a bit weird me not having my my own money and not contributing to the household (although I do now do the housework and cooking etc so I'm contributing in a different way).

My husband gets a bit jealous when he gets up at 6am and goes out in the morning when it's cold, dark and wet and I'm still in bed, but I tell him we can swap if he wants and he can go to the clinic and get things shoved up his vagina instead. I think he's got the better end of the deal, frankly grin

My attitude was that I need to make having children an absolute priority. I'm 35 and I don't have masses of time left to make this happen. I wanted to give this my undivided attention.

I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to do it. Can you afford to take time off? Would you be replacing work stress with financial stress? Do you have other things to do to fill your time? Do you have friends / family nearby? Left to my own devices, I am a lazy cow, but there have been some days where I've been bored out of my tiny little mind.

The only time I've wondered if I've done the right thing is when I think about trying to cope with the ttw. Talking to others who have gone through this, waiting for test date seems to be the hardest to deal with - perhaps I would have been glad of the distraction of work to help the time pass faster.

mammmamia Tue 03-Feb-15 14:34:19

I was fairly lucky as the issue was with DH not me but obviously beyond the initial tests it was me that had to actually go through the process.

I worked through it - long hours and high stress but good for me personally to take my mind off it.

I confided in some trusted colleagues who were hugely supportive and I think it would have been impossible to cope if I hadn't. As for HR / boss - I just said I was having a minor operation and left it at that.

Took sick leave for egg collection and for the 2ww.

We were successful first time though (male factor as i said) and had twins so I'm not sure what I would have done if I'd had to go through it again.

DH was emotionally supportive but bugger all else he could do!

mammmamia Tue 03-Feb-15 14:36:53

Very personal thing though. My SIL has just had her first baby - multiple MC followed by IVF - and she quit her job after the second MC to focus on her health and stress levels. I didn't have the MC so didn't have the same concern about my own health and that's a huge factor.

Blackandwhitecat3 Wed 04-Feb-15 21:45:27

This is going through my mind too. We're going to start IVF soon and I'm in a type of job that's not easy to take time off from. My boss is a complete misogynist (he asked the last employee who told him she was pregnant "just how many children are you planning to have?") and I've just been promoted so I don't want to tell him about the IVF.

I have some minor health issues that he is aware of that have involved afternoons off for appointments, I'm just not telling that these ones are for something different. When we get into the scans, transfers etc. I'll just have to call in sick or just say I have another hosp appointment. Crap but hey I'm not sure it would be better otherwise.

Here's hoping the effects of the drugs don't knock me sideways.

Good luck everyone smile

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