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It's all over

(39 Posts)
bouncingbelle Sat 31-Jan-15 13:06:49

Been refused ivf on health grounds. I don't ovulate naturally (tho managed once on clomid but miscarried). It's the end for us. I want my partner to leave me so he still has a chance of meeting someone and having a family. I,ve spent the last two days in bed crying and can't see a way forward.

I don't even know why I'm posting, I'm just bringing you all diwn. I'm sorry. I just can't imagine a future any more.

OnceUponATimeAgain Sat 31-Jan-15 13:08:01

Oh you poor sausage
no words of wisdom, just a hug xxx

pocketsized Sat 31-Jan-15 13:11:30

I'm so sorry to hear this OP, it must be such hard news and will surely take a long time to process.

I am sure though that if the tables were turned and it was a medical cause with your partner you would still love him just as much as you always did, and wouldn't want to leave. Is there anyone in rlthatyou can reach out to at this very stressful time?

professornangnang Sat 31-Jan-15 13:58:59

I'm so sorry. Sending you an online hug.

nachohousekeeper Sat 31-Jan-15 14:08:00

That sounds incredibly hard. Sending hugs and thanks

bouncingbelle Sat 31-Jan-15 16:18:57

Thank you, it helps just to talk. I can't face anyone in real life yet.n

CatnipMouse Sat 31-Jan-15 16:26:12

That's so hard. What were the grounds for refusing? When you feel able, do talk to one or two real life friends as well as internet people.

In the meantime, from a random internet person, have a hug x

tumbletumble Sat 31-Jan-15 16:37:01

I am so sorry, bouncing sad

bouncingbelle Sat 31-Jan-15 16:57:49

I'm in heart failure And they now feel I am too close to eventually needing a transplant to risk a pregnancy. Which Also rules adoption out.

It's the idea of a lifetime of Christmases without a child to spoil, never getting to go to a school play, never having someone to love unconditionally, always just being a couple and never a family. My partner would have made a wonderful dad and I've ruined this for him too. To those people who are brave enough to call a halt to treatment and accept a life without children,I'm in absolute awe of you.

Newquay Sat 31-Jan-15 17:18:12

Are there other alternative avenues you can still explore for ovulation? I'm thinking of traditional chinese medicine accupuncture like Acumedic?

I'm also sending you a huge hug and hope for your future xxx

naty1 Sat 31-Jan-15 19:27:07

Is that for nhs treatment or private too?

Andcake Sat 31-Jan-15 19:41:27

Soy isoflavanes are meant to be natures clomid.

But really you need to work out how you feel. I think you need counselling a heart issue and this at once is so much to deal with.
I am so sorry for your situation.
Also you and dh/DP need a good honest chat but also you need time to take everything in. Nut you need someone in rl to talk to.
A un mumsnetty hug

Whoishillgirl Sat 31-Jan-15 19:45:14

Oh OP I am so sorry. You must be devastated. Another online hug from me too.

expatinscotland Sat 31-Jan-15 19:48:43

Would a surrogate be an option?

Theselittlelightsofmine Sat 31-Jan-15 19:50:46

I was thinking surrogate too and also sending you online hugs

wtffgs Sat 31-Jan-15 19:53:26


CatnipMouse Sun 01-Feb-15 19:00:54

How are you doing today, OP?

bouncingbelle Sun 01-Feb-15 19:50:19

I didn't even get out of bed today sad yes surrogacy would be perfect but that involves a) a spare £15,000 b) someone willing to do it c) getting my almost 40 year old egg pregnant and d) 8-10 months of treatment/counselling all of which would take me over the age of 40 which is when my NHs clinic stops treatment. Sorry to be so negative, but it is something I discussed with my medical team on Friday and they weren't positive about the chances -less than 10% chance of it actually working.

My sister keeps trying to phone me and I keep ignoring the calls, what can I possibly say to her? That honestly, I just want to die?

expatinscotland Sun 01-Feb-15 20:19:51

Would you consider surrogacy with an egg donor? Sorry. I only ask as have a friend in a nearly similar situation. I would love to have helped her, but at 44 it's not possible sad

magicpixie Sun 01-Feb-15 20:28:49

so sorry to hear this bb
how about fostering?
would that be an option?

sounds like a child would be v lucky to have someone like you with so much love to give

or could you become more involved with nieces and nephews or friends children

or could you try clomid again?

fakenamefornow Sun 01-Feb-15 20:37:21

Is your sister supportive? Sounds like she is if she keeps calling you. Phone her when you can, even if you can't speak when she answers. Sending you big hugs but get some RL support. I know this is a sadness you may have to carry always, but you can have a good life and will feel happiness again.

AlpacaMyBags Sun 01-Feb-15 20:39:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fakenamefornow Sun 01-Feb-15 20:42:23

Also this time just staying in bed crying, that might be just what you need, you're processing this and it's part of the healing.

Turquoisetamborine Sun 01-Feb-15 20:45:07

So sorry hon. You don't need to come up with any answers at the moment. Could you push forward with your heart transplant then look at a surrogate with donor egg? I know it would probably cost but with a younger donor you'd have a really good chance. Would your sister consider surrogacy for you? Sounds like she's really concerned for you.

bouncingbelle Sun 01-Feb-15 21:11:31

Thank you for "allowing" me to just lie in bed and cry and not make me feel like I should be doing something. sad

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