42 and both myself and my partner are infertile

[moore123]

Hi all, its the middle of the night and I woke up crying as both myself and my partner have been told that we are pretty much infertile. Egg donation is an option which we can go down and plan too. But, it is very expensive and I feel so upset that my body will not do the only thing i have ever wanted. I have only been with my partner for just over a year, my last cheated on me and now is married with a baby. i feel my friends don't understand, most of them have children. I'm feeling really isolated and sad and now tense. My parnter and I also have intamicy issues and hope to go to some counselling soon, but the combination of that and all my past boyfriends having families and my inability to make a baby has just broke my heart. Any tips, help for dealing with this news whcih feels like a death? has anyone else felt this way?

[Observer78]

I'm so sorry Sweetheart.
Yes, I have felt like you do. For many years, and it's horrible. Please try to not go to that dark place. I spent years waiting to just die, basically, because it was emotionally so cruel and hard. Took a long time to accept and move on, but I'm still bearing emotional scars from it, even though I have just had a miracle child.
For tonight - cry it out, overanalyse etc., get this cr*p out if your system. In a couple of days time, clear your head and go through your options, possibilities, compromises etc.
There are many wonderful , fun and understanding people here, many of whom have had a tough time, myself included, and they're all here to help you through

[Coyoacan]

I suppose as I do have a dd I might not totally understand infertility but I was a single parent and after my dd was born I never had another partner. My philosophy has been to be grateful for what I have, rather than ignore my blessings while yearning for what I don't have.

[BugBugBug]

Infertility is such a difficult thing to deal with, I'm not surprised you're in pieces. We struggled to have our child and it was so hard watching those around us get on with their lives with such apparent ease. I used to come home from work and just collapse on the bed in a heap of tears.

Let yourself cry. You're grieving for another way of life and it's totally normal to feel absolutely devastated.

When you're ready, and it's time to consider other options, give yourself time and space to decide what to do next.

You're not as alone as you feel. There are so many on MN who have struggled. When we started opening up to friends, we realised how many others were struggling too. Also counselling really helped me to think through your options but it's not for everyone.

Take care

[BugBugBug]

Ooops, that should be my options!

[CakeInMyFace]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. While I suppose I can't fully understand as I also have a DD, My DH and I have recently battled infertility for 2 years while trying to conceive our second. I know it's not the same thing, but I had many nights laying awake crying - seeing friend after friend become pregnant so easily; waiting for test results, etc. I realised it's very hard for people to understand if they've not been through it. I've battled my way through some incredibly insensitive people/friends too.

Take some time to grieve first - let yourself cry and feel however you want to feel. Then as others have said, review your options and see if any of them will work for you. I really hope you find some answers - support on these boards is amazing and I found they've helped me so much more than RL friends at time. xxx

[Andcake]

Its a tough call -so very horrible - I was told a similar diagnosis at 36 and had wanted a child since a marriage breakdown at 30 (but at 39 conceived a miracle child) it is devastating news. I am now nearly 43 and know it is very unlikely that I will have another but get very upset (and jealous) when I see my ds peers getting siblings.
cry it out, get angry, I also think women don't realize that pregnancy can be very hard over 40.
Take time to gather stock - about your relationship as well as infertility. Adoption is an option but actually if I was in your shoes I would weigh up my desire for a child over a relationship and actually perhaps try going it alone. If in a relationship have you tried everything improve egg health, timed intercourse etc - how long have you been trying - could you try a round of iui just to see! Worrying that after a year you have intimacy issues but that is probably another thread.