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Close to the end of my journey but finding it truly agonising?

(9 Posts)
GalindawithaGa Thu 01-Jan-15 16:39:57

I'm not sure I understand my feelings on this. After nearly 3.5 years unsuccessful TTC we start IVF in a few weeks, with my January cycle, so around 3 weeks time until we begin.

Everyone around me is pregnant, my sister, my colleagues, many of my friends, but I am 30 so it is to be expected. For some reason the last few weeks have been the worst of the whole 40 cycles. I've coped relatively well (sort of) until now. I've been stoical and composed and happy for people getting pregnant and having babies around me. But I can't cope anymore!

We are having guests tomorrow, lovely childhood friends of mine, and she has just texted to say she'll be driving as she's pregnant. I want to vomit. I need to cry and scream and throw something. I can't bear it and now I'm dreading seeing her.

I feel like I am total breaking point, instead of being happy that we are finally so close to our treatment starting. What's going on...? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Ilikesweetpeas Thu 01-Jan-15 16:46:50

Totally understandable, I've been through it too and I didn't want to see anyone who was pregnant. Have you felt able to share the news about your IVF? I found it helpful for DH to say that we were having difficulties conceiving and therefore would not be able to talk about pregnancy because it was too painful. I hope this makes sense! People who haven't been through this have no idea how stressful it is, and how it permiates every aspect of your life. Good luck with your IVF, it worked for me!

GalindawithaGa Thu 01-Jan-15 16:49:32

Thanks - we have discussed it with a few people but bizarrely the closer it gets the less I feel able to discuss it. I feel almost ashamed of it. Ridiculous I know! I just need to focus on getting through the next few weeks and getting started. I'm glad your treatment was successful, fingers crossed for us thanks

tilder Thu 01-Jan-15 16:57:22

There is no shame in IVF. Best wishes with it.

Having difficulties TTC can make it really hard to be around those who are pregnant.They don't mean to be insensitive, but can be tactless. Just give her a hug and say congratulations.

If you can't talk face to face with people, sometimes it can help to talk online. Keeps the anonymity and there is always someone who understands.

Best wishes and hope the IVF works. Xx

naty1 Thu 01-Jan-15 16:57:43

I found it easier the closer we got. But also very impatient.
I think its the fear that causes the problem as i was seeing pg people knowing i was going to do ivf but that didnt guarantee it would work for me. Frustration at people pg who had been together less time than we were already ttc.
I did find its a bit like depression, which you know will feel better once you are successful. But before that always ready to bring you down.

Ilikesweetpeas Thu 01-Jan-15 16:59:24

Ahh, I feel for you- it's a difficult time. Please try to focus on the fact that at the hospital there are a whole team of people helping you to get pregnant. What helped me was thinking of it one stage at a time- first you need to be down regulated, then ovaries stimulated, then egg collection, successful fertilisation, embryo transfer then the 2ww. Breaking it down like this helped me. Fingers crossed for you

GalindawithaGa Thu 01-Jan-15 17:13:40

Thank you all so much for your replies. I think I'm being impatient, mixed with fear. It's getting so close now that the possibility it might not work is becoming very real, and that is probably making me more anxious about it all and more susceptible to feeling down about it. brew All round

Deeray Thu 01-Jan-15 17:19:51

I have always felt at my worst just before the start of an ivf cycle. I think it's because there is so much hope and expectation but also the crushing fear that it might not work and for so long ivf has been the answer. I do find that once the cycle starts then you focus on that and the practical side of everything. Fingers crossed it works for you. I know how awful it is to be around pregnant people.

MewlingQuim Thu 01-Jan-15 17:30:38

I found it very hard to deal with other people's pregnancies. It doesn't help that people who have had no fertility problems can be very tactless, I avoided one friend throughout her pregnancy because it was too much to bear. I told only one that we were having fertility treatment at all.

I wasn't ashamed of the treatment, when I conceived DD I told everyone she was my ICSI baby.

Good luck with your treatment, OP.

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