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Letting my frozen embryos go...

(15 Posts)
wickedwitchofwaterloo Sun 14-Dec-14 21:00:41

Just that really.
Had one unsuccessful round of IVF, got OHSS and had to beg them to take it to egg collection. 40 follicles, 27 eggs, 5 fertilized.
I've had them frozen for 4 years now, but my ex DP and I haven't been together for 2.5 years and I've come to the decision that I won't be storing them anymore.

I know this is the right thing to do and I want to do it, but it's just so hard to accept that I am finally closing the book on the whole situation. All the pain, the sadness... Will have been for nothing.

CatnipMouse Mon 15-Dec-14 20:38:37

I'm very sorry to read your story, I'm not surprised that it is difficult for you. It must have been a long and tough path to get to the stage of having frozen embryos, and then even longer afterwards. I'm sure it hurts like hell. Did you try specialist counselling to help you come to terms with it? I think if I was in your situation I would give it a go but of course it's not for everyone.

inconceivableme Tue 16-Dec-14 23:41:56

Sorry for your situation. Would you consider donating them to someone else who is trying to conceive?

Solaia Sat 20-Dec-14 08:12:31

That's so sad, my heart goes out to you. thanks

onthematleavecountdown Thu 08-Jan-15 11:42:54

How sad for you but your right, if you don't want them I would close this chapter of your life.

As others said would you donate them?

wickedwitchofwaterloo Thu 08-Jan-15 12:57:17

Thanks for replies, only just looked at this post again.

I've decided that I'm going to donate them to research.

I don't think I could donate them to another childless couple because they are 'my' babies still, does that make sense? I'm sure it's selfish but I don't think I could ever get past that feeling sad

onthematleavecountdown Thu 08-Jan-15 16:37:23

I understand that. If we didn't utilise our frozen babies I would struggle to donate. I would find it much easier to donate eggs, but not an embryo, as it is 100% me and my husband. I would donate to research to. Take comfort that this is still a generous thing to do, it could help others in a non direct way.

Observer78 Tue 13-Jan-15 02:32:12

Just seen this, and want to (not before apologising in advance for my ignorance on the subject) - are you doing this because you want to or because you have to?

wickedwitchofwaterloo Tue 13-Jan-15 16:51:23

CatnipMouse I've had counselling before, I didn't find it very useful but maybe it might help in this case? I'm not even sure. I sometimes struggle to talk about it to anyone and find myself claming up.

onthemat Thanks for your post, it really helps that someone understands smile

Observer It's all my own choice.
My partner and I are no longer together and when we were, I was too scared to attempt a frozen cycle. I think it's for the best for us both and it took me a year to get to this point.

wickedwitchofwaterloo Tue 13-Jan-15 16:53:39

I should explain - I don't have to do anything, my ex partner said I was free to use them as I wished in the future, he's been brilliant. I just felt it was something that needed to be done for various reasons.

Observer78 Wed 14-Jan-15 00:12:45

wickedwitchofwaterloo thank you for explaining; it's a very personal subject, really appreciate you not telling me to sod off.
The the reason I asked is because it is a big decision, and I'm glad that it's yours.

Obviously I cannot make things happen (there'd be world peace, no hunger, no cruelty and so on, if it was up to me) but reading your post I just didn't want you to be pushed into a really cr*p place, etc.

Things like money, career, keeping up with the Jone's - all of that goes out the window once the baby is here. Old hurt starts to heal, things really do change.
Everybody is different, of course, but where I thought I'd be having PND and be miserable, I've come alive since having a little one (very much wanted).
The reason I'm saying all of this is - make the decision for the right reasons, which I am sure you have.
Excuse rambling, I guess I'm trying to give you a hug, help somehow.

The very best flowers

Isabeller Wed 14-Jan-15 00:16:50

I opened your thread because I also have a frozen embryo dilemma at the moment. Not the same situation and I don't want to hijack but I do feel for you and wanted to send you a hug flowers.

wickedwitchofwaterloo Wed 14-Jan-15 20:48:01

Observer Not at all! It's a bloody big decision and not one I'd allow myself to be pushed into.
I'd love to have a child, I really would but as it stands, if I used the embroyos, I'd be having a child with someone who is no longer with me and who wouldn't really want anything to do with the child (not in a horrible way, his life has just moved on, as has mine) and that was never what I wanted. I wanted a family unit and two parents raising a child out of love. But that's long gone, so that's why I'm here now. It's a huge shame but I wouldn't want to have a child who didn't really know their Father for the reasons mentioned. Maybe I'm wrong but, I feel very strongly about it.

I hope that makes sense? smile

Isabeller Hijack away! What's your situation? Hugs back to you flowers and thanks. I don't know anyone who understands this situation so I'd welcome someone who is going through something similar tbh.

Isabeller Thu 15-Jan-15 00:42:18

A year ago DS was born, a longed for 1st child for DP, conceived through egg donation. I have two frozen embryos. I was very unwell while pregnant and had an unusually extensive csection at 31 weeks. Financially life is a just about manageable challenge. There are other complicated circumstances but I feel a strong sense of attachment to the embryos and awareness that they are DSs genetic relatives. I don't know if my body would cope with another pregnancy.

Isabeller Thu 15-Jan-15 00:43:26

Oh dear phone sent message while I was still writing. Will come back on laptop tomorrow x

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