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Why why why can't I get pregnant?

(15 Posts)
PotatoesPastaAndBread Wed 03-Dec-14 20:22:33

Age 35 TTC #1 for 22 months. 22nd consecutive BFN today.

We've had scans and dyes and sperm tests and operations to remove polyps; we've cut down on alcohol, wheat and sugar; we've increased protein, vegetables and vitamins; we've tried on weekdays, weekends, every day, consecutive days; we've counted, not counted, OPK'd, ignored dates; we've focussed, we've relaxed...

Everyone* is pregnant. My teacher, my hairdresser, work collegaues, friends...

Why the fuck can I not get pregnant? It's not fair.**

*this statement may contain a small amount of exaggeration.
** yes many things in life are unfair, and many people have a lot less fairness in their lives. But I'm halfway through a jumbo bag of maltesers and need a rant. Thank you for listening.

MisForMumNotMaid Wed 03-Dec-14 20:30:16

Ouch, and ouch again. Its horrid when everywhere you look it appears others have what you so much desire. The thing you can't see and don't tend to hear about is how much others have struggled to achieve that pregnancy too.

I was told by the GP that two years really isn't that unusual particularly in an older mother (i think post 29). In my case it was multiple miscarriages. I was shocked when I started to talk to others about it just how many people had struggled. Its not something people tend to talk particularly about. You do tend to hear more people say how quickly they fell pregnant or how it was a surprise but for every one of those I'd put money on their being 50 who its not been smooth for.

As a stranger on a forum i can't tell you it will happen for you but I can say without hope there is nothing. Don't give up. Try to have some plans in life that aren't about the baby so just occasionally theres a momentary mental break from pressure associated with it (holidays can be cancelled/ postponed etc).

Good luck x. Because at the end of the day luck plays a big part.

PotatoesPastaAndBread Wed 03-Dec-14 21:19:18

Ah thanks misfor . Sympathy and good advice!
A wise woman once said to me that you can't compare your life to others, you don't know what their journey is.
Still sucks though.

CandieFlopz Thu 04-Dec-14 14:22:56

potatoes I'm in a very similar situation to you...apart from I did get pregnant about a year ago and that ended in miscarriage.

I also have polyps (and possible adhesions - lucky me) but I've not had them removed yet.

How long ago did you have your polyps removed? I've been reading A LOT about polyps and there's lots of evidence they can affect fertility. Sadly most of the studies are small scale, but most researchers agree more work needs to be done in this area.

Infertility is shit and it is unfair.

PotatoesPastaAndBread Thu 04-Dec-14 18:54:15

Hi candie, thanks for your reply. Shit and unfair, yes, good summary. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage, that is truly shit. I had polyps out in the summer: flushed tubes, polyps out, endometrial scratch... it was supposed to be guaranteed pregnancy with three months. Ho hum. I'm borderline underactive thyroid and am waiting for fresh test results. But really.... People who don't even try get pregnant all the time. Why is it so hard? [Huff puff huff puff etc]

CandieFlopz Thu 04-Dec-14 19:41:59

Good luck. Here's hoping that the thyroid is your issue - and that it's easily solvable.

Solaia Thu 04-Dec-14 20:35:17

I was in your position until a few weeks ago, when we finally got a diagnosis for our unexplained infertility (male factor). If we had known three years ago I would have raised my hopes and had my heart broken 38 times and counting. Unexplained infertility is incredibly hard to deal with. The unknown, the hope, and the heartbreak is a toxic combination.

We are now close to our long awaited nhs IVF starting next month and for that I am incredibly thankful. But I am still angry and jealous and sad. My little sister is 21 weeks with a 'happy surprise' baby and while I'm doing what I can to hold it together because we are close and I love her, it is a Herculean effort not to cry in front of her and scream 'it's not fair!' It's not fair, but it's life and I'm trying to make the best of what we have!

It's so difficult, nothing can help. Just keep getting tests and pushing for any treatment you can get.


Solaia Thu 04-Dec-14 20:36:26

I wouldn't* have

<must proofread>

custardcreamdream Fri 05-Dec-14 13:02:19

potatoes, I'm in a similar situation to you, feel equally shit and hopeless, so I don't have any magical thing to say to make it better.

But I just wanted to say...Yes! It sucks! It's totally unfair. BIG hugs. Enjoy the rest of the maltezers!

PS Maybe you live near me, because everyone I know is pregnant too!!

PPS If anyone else tells me that I should relax, it will happen when I'm not trying, I will punch them in the face smile

PotatoesPastaAndBread Sat 06-Dec-14 18:29:15

Thanks candie . The issue is convincing gp to take it seriously as two tests have me borderline. They want me to be more firmly the other side of the line before treating.

Good luck with ivf solaia . Difficult news about your sister. Happy of course but ... urgh. A girl at work did a similar thing: late thirties, getting married, stopped contraception to be ready to try as soon as married but got preggers before wedding. "Bit of a fuck up" she described it with a role of the eyes. Of course happy for her but no fair! Why so easy! I think come the new year we have to decide if ivf is our path. I kind of don't feel ready, but also know it can take a long time so maybe need to get started.

custard yeah, those maltesers were good. And the relaxing thing? Ironically NOTHING makes me more stressed than a good story about how so-and-so got preggers the second they relaxed. Silly me for missing that strategy.

Thank you for giving me a place to wallow selfishly. And good luck to you all x

threepiecesuite Sat 06-Dec-14 23:47:48

Can I join you in a moan?
TTC#2 for 25 looong months, no joy. I have one blocked tube so that may be affecting things.

2 of my closest friends had a baby girl today. Please for them, sad for me.
Put our Christmas tree up today. For the last two Christmas's, I've said to DP 'well hopefully we'll have a new baby next Christmas'. Couldn't even say it today. Just had a little whinge to myself when I went out for a walk. DD who is 4.5 wrote 'baby sister' on her letter to Santa. 😢

DRSLondon Sun 07-Dec-14 10:52:50

I'm sorry things seem so hopeless potatoes. It is the most frustrating, all consuming thing. My husband and I have faced infertility and had to go down the IVF route. I think that you could wait for a long time trying to establish the cause of your infertility. My advice is to go with IVF because once you get the ball rolling you will at least feel as though things are progressing and moving in the right direction.

In the meantime I would say that the only way though the misery is to be busy. Book some nice meals, days out, spa days and try to avoid people/places filled with children.

I know it feels bleak but I assure you it will be better.

You can read about my rollercoaster at

Everything you feel, I have felt. Be strong and don't give up. xxx

naty1 Sun 07-Dec-14 16:42:43

What was your tsh?
For ivf they wanted it under 2.5.
So that meant my 3.5 being treated. (Though it really is not an easy fix as it keeps getting worse, especially after ivf so my dose needs readjusting. )
In pg im aiming for under 2.0. Over 4 increases miscarriage risk.

Do you have symptoms? Irregular periods, short luteal phase?
How were your progesterone ovulation tests.
90% people get pg in 2 years.
You didnt say your age but ivf is a slow process, tests, referral with declining success after 35.

HowsTheSerenity Sat 13-Dec-14 21:11:18

It's just shit isn't it!
I completely understand how you feel. 14 people I know had babies this year. My SIL got pregnant 'accidently on purpose' I think to stop my DB from leaving. I can't even get pregnant with modern science.
What annoys me the most is that I have unexplained infertility. No PCOS, no endo, no male factor issues, levels are within range and I think I ovulate every month. Sometimes I wish I had a diagnosed problem so I had something to blame.

HermioneWeasley Sat 13-Dec-14 21:17:37

My friend tried for 4 years and was about to start ivf (like you no identified reason why they coukd t get pregnant it just wasn't happening). She fell pregnant naturally and then again shortly afterwards. Hope you have a similar story.

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