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Can't Decide on Treatment or Adoption

(8 Posts)
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Tue 04-Nov-14 12:17:07

DP had a vasectomy whilst married previously but we would very much like to add to our families with another child. I am 36, 37 in January so time is very much ticking, and after a conversation with my GP this morning, if we are to try for a biological child we need to get moving sooner rather than later. DP has 2 children from his previous marriage, and I have a DD(6) from my previous marriage.

We are getting married next August (almost 4 years to the day from when we met) and were delaying any type of decision until then, but when I mentioned this to the GP she shook her head and said, you at lest need to start the process before - ASAP.

We'd have to have surgical sperm retrieval as it's a much better option than reversal due to the likelihood of a successful reversal and also our ages), and therefore IVF with ISCI and I may have to have additional treatment due to adenomyosis, so it will be no mean feat physically, emotionally and financially.

Of course we could adopt, there are so many reasons why this would be a much better option; obviously negating the need for fertility treatment, the opportunity to give a child a loving family etc.

I just can't shake this desire to at least try for a biological child with DP.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or can shed any light on treatment or adoption which might make the decision slightly easier to make? I guess I should also post this in the adoption forum.

Cantbelieveimdoingthisagain Tue 04-Nov-14 14:59:58

Hi JammieDodger

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I am on a slightly different bus to you, I ovulate very poorly and hubby has bare minimum sperm count and will be virtually impossible to conceive naturally.

Just thought I would give you my opinion as I find it's sometimes nicer to get an outsider view and it's always good to hear from someone who has at least a tiny inclination of what you may be going through.

I assume that considering you both have children already, it's because you want a baby to share exclusively? There are obviously both of your ex partners who lay primary claim to your and your partners children that are already here, and feeling like you want a baby that you are both the primary parents for and biologically connected is 100% natural. If you have managed to carry a full pregnancy, shows that you would be a good candidate for IVF and as your DH as previously fathered 2 children, he definitely has some good sperm so with the assistance of IVF and perhaps ICSI, you would have good chances of success. If you adopted straight away without trying IVF, you may regret it. If you try IVF and it isnt successful, at least you know you have tried and can move on? If you were to go through the adoption process and then were denied, you may have got to 40 and lessened your chances for IVF again. I think if this were my decision, I would listen to the doc and go for it. At least that way no regrets smile

Congratulations on the wedding also, there is just the amount of time to have a beautiful brand new flower girl or page boy! How cute!!!

Wishing you lots of luck

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Tue 04-Nov-14 18:50:59

Thanks Cantbelieveimdoingthisagain, you assume correctly - we would love to have a child together and I completely get your point about possibly missing the biological boat if we decided to try the adoption route first. I'm going to have a chat with DP when he gets home later and suggest we at least go for a consultation with a fertility clinic ASAP, we can then make a final decision being as informed as possible (have already done quite a bit of investigation in to adoption).

I'm sorry to hear about your problems and wish you the best of luck with your treatment.

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 04-Nov-14 19:02:02

You might like to get this thread moved over to the adoption board, where there are plenty of posters who have had to make similar decisions.

The general rule of thumb is that if you don't know if you are ready to move on from the idea of a biological child then you aren't ready to adopt. In fact, most agencies won't take you on until you have reached the conclusion that a bio child isn't right for you, and you have to actually agree to take steps to ensure you won't get pregnant during the adoption process.

Cantbelieveimdoingthisagain Tue 04-Nov-14 20:16:54

That's a very good rule of thumb families I could apply this to myself in future if the time comes smile

naty1 Wed 05-Nov-14 19:56:10

I would consider a reversal as well as the ivf.
Ivf is by no means a guaranteed baby.
I would have a look at age related success rates. And be prepared for maybe 2 rounds.
I def wouldnt wait till august. Clinic might well want to run tests etc.
Im 35 its taken since last july to get a bfp this week. What with waiting till jan due to xmas closure. Jan cycle bfn, aug cycle only 3 follicles so cancelled and then a sept cycle bfp.
It can take a lot longer than you think.
I wonder if the number /quality of sperm would be better even for ivf after a reversal.
Actually as you are saying he had the vasectomy over 4yrs ago i guess it may be unlikely to work.
Though you wont know how you 2 do with ivf until you have a go

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Wed 05-Nov-14 21:01:43

Huge congrats on your bfp naty1! Will discuss with do but suspect due to time it may be best to straight to SSR and IVF

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger Wed 05-Nov-14 21:01:54

Doc even

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