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Should I start TTC given apparent problems even though i'm not ready?

(11 Posts)
Quizzimodo Tue 18-Mar-14 21:15:20

Sorry for the long title - and this post may be fairly long as well.

I am 23 years old. Been with my 34yr old partner for 2 years.
We've discussed children - both agreed that at the minute we don't really want them but he understands that I am fairly confident I do want them at some point in the future and is fine with this.
To cut a long story short - I had my first period on my 13th birthday and have had a grand total of approx 13-15 periods total in the last 10 years (None of these have been in the last 5 years). I have not been on any birth control or medication that stops them. I am overweight but not obese and have been for as long as I can remember. Other aspects of puberty etc. all happened fine.

I was with my ex partner from the age of 17-21 ... both had sexual health checks which were clear. We did NOT use any contraception after the first 12 months. So that's 3 years of regular, unprotected sex.
Since getting with my new partner we have again NOT used any contraception (after all sexual health checks etc...). Which is another 2 years of regular, unprotected sex.

(**I realise that having sex without protection when you don't want children is silly and that I was taking a massive gamble...but obviously am still childless. I do not advise anybody else who is fairly confident they have fertility issues to try this**)

I obviously have something going on. I am not having periods and am clearly not ovulating. I have tried ten dozen times to get the doctor to look into this for me but he keeps fobbing me off - "You're young" "You're not even trying to TTC" - and I am getting increasingly annoyed by this. So annoyed I have now swapped doctors.

I worry that if I leave it until the point when I do want to start really TTC - say in 5/10 years time - that by the time they investigate/find a result/start any treatment necessary etc. - that it will be too late and I will have missed my chance. Plus my DP is already 34 ... I had young parents and I loved having young parents ... I don't want to wait and him be too old to do things with DC if we have them.

Should we start TTC ... knowing that we will have to do it for x amount more time before doctors will investigate and then have the tests etc. in the hopes that we may fall pregnant with some help in 3/4 years ... and risk getting pregnant sooner? Or is it wrong to start TTC when we don't actually want a child right now? I have a new business to look after etc. and financially right now is not a good time but I am scared of leaving it until it is a good time and then doing the tests, trials, TTC etc. and not getting a child at the end of it because we left it too late. I think I would rather have a not-well-timed-child than no child at all.

Any advise or help much appreciated. Sorry for the essay xx

PavlovtheCat Tue 18-Mar-14 21:19:21

I think I am misunderstanding? You are not trying to conceive, but you are having unprotected sex? What is that if not trying to conceive? hmm

You seem surprised that you are not, nor have been, pregnant, while having unprotected sex, which suggests you keep half expecting to be, but yet you are not ready for children? Are you sure you are not ready for children? Or is it your partner who is not ready?

If you want children, you need to have unprotected sex. If you want children and it is not happening, then you need to tell your GP that you do actually want children and that you are actually trying.

Cookiepants Tue 18-Mar-14 21:26:33

Tbf I wouldn't even tempt fate if you don't want DC yet, but if you are worried ask the doc to check your prolactin. I had my first period at 12, then 12-16 prob had 2-4 periods. I went on the pill for 10 years, but still no periods on stopping the pill.

High prolactin levels in my blood was stopping ovulation.

Quizzimodo Tue 18-Mar-14 21:58:04

I don't think I've explained myself very well. Sorry PavlovtheCat.

What I mean is - my doctor told me when I was 18 that before they would investigate any issues you needed to have been having unprotected sex for 2 years. So I started having unprotected sex so that they would look into it at the end of that time. Yes it was stupid and yes it was tempting fate but 5 years later nothing has happened so obviously something going on. DR is now still not referring me for tests because I don't ACTUALLY want a baby right now, I just want a diagnosis so that I can make informed fertility decisions in the future.

My question really is "Should I tell the doctors that I AM ready for a baby - so that they will actually give me a diagnosis even though depending on the results I would rather wait 5/10years?"

(E.G - If it turns out that I have X,Y and Z and will struggle to conceive so need A, B and C treatments - then have them now so that I have longer to try and less chance of missing out on parenthood altogether - and if I end up with a baby sooner than I would've liked then it's worth it because I have one ...

VS find out that all I need is x drug which will give me a 95% success and so know I can wait a few years because chances are it will be relatively easy to conceive when I want too)

Does that make more sense?

I just don't want to leave it to then go back to the dr when I am like 28 having been using birth control, so have to do the 2 years unprotected sex again, to then be 30 and having the tests to find out whats wrong to then be referred for cycles of drugs and ivf etc and then get to the age of like 35/36 with no results yet and be like "----bugger. I am running out of time" and miss the chance of being a parent altogether.

PavlovtheCat Tue 18-Mar-14 22:03:06

ok, yes I get you now. Just tell your doctor you want a baby. It is your right to change your mind at any point in the process of checking out what is going on and you don't have to actually have a baby now, Unless of course you actually do get pregnant, then you will need to think of the possible outcomes of that for you, but that is a risk you are taking anyway without the investigations - the processes of finding out what is going on with your health won't increase the chance of you getting pregnant now but will help you know what is going on and what you and your partner need to do when you are ready.

Your GP won't actually know if you want a baby right now or not. And, it's gonna take a while to get the ball rolling.

BeetleBeetle Thu 20-Mar-14 12:41:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maggiethemagpie Fri 21-Mar-14 21:10:23

I remember being told by a fertility specialist once that the only real test of fertility was to try to get pregnant. So unless you are trying to get pregnant you won't ever know if you are infertile or not. Sounds to me like you'd rather take the risk now and get pregnant when you're not ready than wait until you are ready and not be able to. So in your shoes I would continue having unprotected sex (are you having it around your most fertile time or just randomly) and ask to be referred to a fs for tests. sounds like this will just eat away at you until it is resolved. Don't be fobbed off by doctors saying you are too young - it's up to you when you decide you want to do this.

naty1 Sat 22-Mar-14 13:24:20

I would ask for tests. You have been trying for years. Most people would be pregnant in a year( without timing it)
Anyway you need to have x number of periods a year to avoid cancer i believe.
Any excess hair etc that would indicate pcos?
They can test on days 2-3 or so of period for hormones to indicate this.
It would be important to know as it can cause other health issues. (I wish my dr had told me about it when i went in re irregukar periods at 17 instead i didnt find out till i was 30 i could have ttc much earlier)
But i would say just vecause it looks like the issue is with you doesnt mean it is it could be either or both (despite my pcos it is the sperm issues causing our infertility)

Quizzimodo Mon 24-Mar-14 10:17:11

Maggie - I don't seem to have a 'most fertile time'. I haven't had a period for 5 years so and before that they were every 6 months or so so haven't ever been able to figure out my cycle. Tried temping to self discover if I was ovulating for 3 months since my DR is so useless but never got a result that indicated ovulation.

I have sex around 5/6 times a week every week so I would say it would be pretty hard for us to have not hit a 'fertile window' if I had had any.

Naty1 - Yes it is cancer that worries me as well as my step mother had to have a hysterectomy due to cervical cancer cells and this really worries me.
Interesting to think it could be a mixture of me and my partner having issues. Since it is has happened with more than one partner I just assumed it was all on me.
No excess hair to indicated PCOS - but my weight problems do tie in and I do have funny patches of darker skin which could be attributed to this.
I don't know how they would be able to test on day 2-3 of period though as I haven't had one for 5 years =/

I am in the process of changing DRs as I am so unhappy with my current one so think I will really push the issue with new DR and refuse to take no for an answer. Thanks for all your help.

SolomanDaisy Mon 24-Mar-14 10:22:28

Whether you want to TTC or not, this needs investigating. There's actually no point trying to conceive, as you're not having periods so very unlikely to be ovulating. If you're not ovulating there is zero ch ance of you getting pregnant. The Dr needs to investigate simply because no period for five years is not normal and needs investigating. I wouldn't worry about cancer, it sounds far more like a hormone problem.

RawCoconutMacaroon Mon 24-Mar-14 10:29:17

You ARE TTC!!! Unprotected sex = trying IMO. And have been for several years... You need to tell your doctor this, and they can get the ball rolling with investigations.

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