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how has IVF affected you?

(8 Posts)
dolphinsandwhales Thu 13-Mar-14 09:02:30

Hi all, I'm mid thirties and have one dc from IVF four years ago. In the past year I've had one further round of IVF, one medicated FET and about to embark on another FET next month.

With each of my failed cycles I've felt myself withdrawing from friends and family more and more, especially as they all seemed to think one round would be enough to get pregnant and now I've had two fail they don't ask me anymore (in fact they kept changing the subject if I spoke about it, so I don't tell them anymore).

I've also had lots of friends conceive naturally in the past few months, they talk constantly about their pregnancies but aren't interested in my IVF :-( don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for their pregnancies but have invested so much time, money and heartache intoIVF in the past year I could do with support. One just text me to say I'm lucky not to be pregnant as we're both fluey but I can take lemsip and she can't due to pg hmm

I find work hard and stressful as I need the money to pay for treatment but I work in an unpleasant environment and they don't know about my IVF, I find myself very grumpy at work as infertility really knocked my self esteem, plus having to create excuses for tx appointments is stressful in itself (there's no way work would support me on IVF).

dolphinsandwhales Thu 13-Mar-14 09:03:25

Sorry, just wondered if anyone else had similar experiences smile

Happilymarried155 Thu 13-Mar-14 15:21:52

I feel the same, I am just about to start my first ivf but have three failed iuis and a miscarriage behind me.
I have lost touch with a few friends that just didn't know how to cope with it, they had children and I was gradually excluded from the group. It's really tough and I think going through this is a real sign of a good friendship.

I also have times when I want to cut myself off from the world and find that forcing myself to do the opposite really helps, whether it's a drink in the pub with dh, a meal with friends or an hour in the gym.

Haven't got any advice but wanted you to know your not alone x

Nittyb Thu 13-Mar-14 15:29:42

My experience is some time ago now, but I can still remember how that feels. we had a successful first ivf, then 2 unsuccessful FET and one unsuccessful ivf again. During this time just about all my friends had gone onto have no.2, & each time one did it was really tough to be happy for them. We came to terms with only having one child, it does come with time, had one frozen left but little hope of it being successful ,but by some miracle our last FET was. We really only went ahead to save having to make a decision about what to do with it.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do next, be kind to yourself and cherish your little miracle x

LindaMcCartneySausage Thu 13-Mar-14 15:47:44

It feels a bit like a distant memory. After 2 years of trying naturally we went on and had 4 cycles of ICSI and then one FET, which resulted in a miscarriage, a negative pg test, an ectopic pregnancy and then DS1 on cycle 4 and then finally DS2 from the FET, so we had a long road.

But it feels like ages ago now. While we were going through treatment it was agony to hear of friends getting pg with DC3 etc. I withdrew a bit from friends. But mainly it ruined my career. I absolutely hated my v stressful, long hours City job but I was stuck hanging on for money to pay private IVF, and for maternity benefits and because there were no other jobs during height of recession. In the end, I was made redundant because employer found out about IVF (all illegal of course, but they paid me off and I didn't have the heart for a fight when I was using all my emotional energy to get through IVF). I'm now struggling to get back into work after 3 years out.

naty1 Fri 14-Mar-14 22:12:14

Ivf is amazing (when it works) my 1st one worked.
And depressing when it doesnt - just had negative result trying for DC2 with our only 2 embryos. Second fresh cycle
I think its because all your eggs are in 1 basket
. Due to very low count +pcos and now thyroid it would be a miracle to conceive naturally so it is ivf or nothing.
We are having 1 more go before i am 35 and the chances for us get even worse.
They cant seem to get the stimms right i have had 7 eggs and this time 4 despite the pcos and both times 2 embies.
Its hard when you just want to get what you want like everyone else does, bad enough to go through all the hassle without the upset of it not working at the end.

dolphinsandwhales Sat 15-Mar-14 12:53:33

Happilymarried good luck with your IVF cycle!

Nittyb I'm glad it all worked for you in the end.

LindaMc sorry to hear you got pushed out, how awful!I used to work in the city too, corporate in outer London now. I considered telling my work about IVF recently and I'm so glad I didn't, though they seem to be pushing me out anyway. It's so hard to cycle and hold down a job, in a way I'd be glad for redundancy, at least then I could focus on IVF instead of being stressed by work. I hope you find a role soon.

Naty good luck with your next cycle. I agree it's so hard when IVF doesn't work.

I'm not glad others have had similar negative experiences to me but I don't feel as alone now. I think it's very hard to explain to those who haven't done IVF how hard it is, the excitement, anticipation, disappointing or promising scans, the financial cost and emotional investment.

eurochick Sun 16-Mar-14 10:39:35

I hated every minute of my 4 IVF cycles. I resented having to do them and hated the medicalisation of the process.

I did become a bit more of a homebody, partly because I was drinking less and trying to take care of myself more, but also because all my friends were occupied with their own offspring (understandably) and so had less free time.

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