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Support needed for a Step mum with infertility

(10 Posts)
MJClarke Sun 02-Feb-14 16:06:53

Hello
I know I am not the only person in the world going through this but I would really appreciate some support!
I am 42 years old who was told my egg reserve were low, we tried IVF last year only the once as we had to fund it.
We have now been trying naturally as everything else is fine as I had all the test.
If the doctors had told me there was no hope in me getting pregnant I think I could put closure on things. However, as there is still that little hope I cant. Having step children is of course amazing but my emotions are still all over this place in terms of having my own children.
I think about having my own child every day, and just don't know what to do next!!!
MJ

MJClarke Sun 02-Feb-14 16:07:56

Above should say still a little hope i can.

Lauren83 Sun 02-Feb-14 16:14:50

Hello!

I'm the same, my partner has a toddler, I' have beein diagnosed with early menopause (I'm 30) and been told I will never have a biological child, I really struggle with my emotions over his daughter, I know its so wrong but I can't help it, we have 1 failed ivf and one cancelled under our belts last year

Lauren x

MJClarke Sun 02-Feb-14 16:36:10

Hi Lauren
Wow I can only imagine how you feel at the age of 30.
Yes it does feel wrong having the mixed emotions about my step children. Luckily my husband tells me to talk about it and is very understanding.
I think it is normal to feel the way we do but it is still really hard.
MJ

Lauren83 Sun 02-Feb-14 18:03:11

How old is the child? Do you have a good relationship? The ex won't let me see his daughter, I have met her a few times though, he isn't allowed to have her in our home so every weekend he drives to a different city and has her there, so its even harder x

MJClarke Mon 03-Feb-14 17:07:51

I have 2 step children aged, 5 a boy and 10 a girl.
I see them all the time and am in very positive relationship with my husband, the children and the Ex!
Gosh your situation is far worse than mine, that must be so difficult for you.
I hope your partner supports you loads.
x

Missteacake Wed 05-Feb-14 11:38:53

This is totally understandable I'm having secondary fertility problems and even though I already have one child with my husband the fact he has four other children just makes me feel even more that the problem is all ME! Even though I know it is (I need surgery to remove scar tissue from an EMCS) and truth be told he wouldn't have anymore children if I didn't want another. He gets judged all the time for having four kids he doesn't live with even though they are here every weekend and he pays for them above and beyond what is required of him legally. Family dynamics are so complicated so go ahead and feel exactly however you want/do/or need too. I'm going too.

lauren I'm 29 and early menopause runs in my family my mum was 33 my nan 31 so I'm expecting it soon and totally feel for you.

I always feel jealous/upset/angry that other women can just have kids especially if they have had them with the man I love! People might think I'm wrong for saying that but I feel I'm a better person for facing my issues rather than pretending everything is ok. I love my stepchildren and I NEVER treat them any different to my own daughter but that doesn't mean I don't have my own feelings and that's ok. I would never put my feelings on them though and I think that is the key your entitled to feel however you do and I'm sure no matter what we all feel we don't let that impact on our relationships with our stepchildren.

I don't know why but I feel I must end this by saying sorry if I have offended anyone with my comments they are just how I personally feel. I guess it's because there is such a taboo with regards to stepchildren and the evil stepmother ....... Snow White, Cinderella, Enchanted.... I name but a few!!!!!

Robmooneft Fri 07-Feb-14 13:44:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 07-Feb-14 13:51:57

Rob - how considerate of you to attempt to profit from people's emotional turmoil hmm

I've reported your post, you have to pay to advertise on MN, there is a separate section.

Lauren83 Fri 07-Feb-14 17:47:53

I so know how you feel, the ex got pregnant the first time they tried too and she is 45, she has 3 kids to different men and it kills me she managed to have one with my DP so easy, we are trying ivf with donor eggs in a few months and I can't help feel he won't love our baby as much (that's if it works) I know he wants the whole family unit so much and I can't give it to him xx

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