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Help! Just been told we will need IVF. Kind of freaking out!

(81 Posts)
Bunnygirlie Thu 19-Sep-13 19:33:27

Had first FC appointment this week and our consultant says that it's highly unlikely we will get PG naturally and will need ICSI.

A lot to take in, mixed feelings galore! Happy that we have a plan but so sad that it won't happen naturally for us, angry that my body is crap and stressed about the whole idea of IVF!

Would really appreciate any advice, experiences and hand-holding smile

Figaro82 Thu 19-Sep-13 20:11:47

I found out a few weeks ago that I'm being referred for IVF and I understand how u feel! I have unexplained infertility and I hate that it won't happen naturally! At least there's a chance though this way!

Bunnygirlie Thu 19-Sep-13 22:24:05

Thanks Fig it's all very weird!

Ebright123 Thu 19-Sep-13 23:11:48

Hi ladies, my partner and I had been trying for 5 years with no joy and I was told a year ago I would need ivf. I totally understand that you feel shock and disappointment towards yourself as I did. But this will pass I promise if you are serious about having ivf which of course you are, prepare your mind and body and relax. I have just finished my first course of ivf and it has been the hardest thing I have had to do. Not because it hurts but mentally, you have to be strong. All went well with me and I am waiting now to do a preg test on Monday!!! Wish me luck! Stay positive and focus on the next steps. Ivf was the best thing I have ever done. If you want advice on clinics, I went to the lister in London and they have been incredible. If you have any questions on ivf don't hold back I can't promise I can answer all but I will try to help.

PuppyMummy Fri 20-Sep-13 06:53:09

Helloooooo Bunny fancy seeing you here!

I feel your pain! I prefer to deal with things by just not really thinking about them, will be a problem when this becomes 'real'! my main worry is that we only get one go and our % chance is already less than the normal 30% , which doesnt leave a lot. I just cant see it working.

Maybe we can start a miserable berry ivf thread in here for us to moan on!

we hav a few weeks to go before we start...

Bunnygirlie Fri 20-Sep-13 08:27:13

Hey ebright thanks for your advices, I think it will take a week or two to sink in but then I hope to feel a but more positive about the whole situation. At the mo I am just feeling such mixed emotions.

Puppy!!!!!! How are you my lovely? Never thought I'd be here, I guess we all assume it will happen for us naturally!

Next step for me is lap and dye, might not be for months and months but I am already bricking it lol

nutty123 Fri 20-Sep-13 19:44:38

Hi all,
Long time lurker. Been ttc nearly 3 years and have just been told that we will need ivf as my overies do not have many eggs sad
I was kind of expecting it but was totally gutted when the consultant actually said it out loud!!! I feel such a failure.
My husband has tried to make me feel better by saying that at least we can start to move forward, but it really isn't helping at the mo.
Got to wait for a lap before I can start it which will be another 18 weeks wait. Just feels like I'm running out of time!!

Bunnygirlie Sat 21-Sep-13 19:54:03

Hey nutty I know how you feel, I am gutted my body is crap and DHs has low sperm too sad

My DH is all positive now saying how it's good that we have a plan but it hasn't sunk in yet for me and I just feel a bit lost

Not sure how I will cope with the waiting!

nutty123 Sat 21-Sep-13 23:24:05

The waiting will kill me too Bunny. Plus I'm 38 in March and running out of time for IVF as I think they stop it when you hit 39.
It doesn't help that I have had to wait 9 months (oh, the irony ;) )for another hospital appointment. Just want to get on with it!!!

Viasabat Sat 21-Sep-13 23:34:59

We had been trying for 7 years, and found out last year we would need ICSI to get pregnant. I cried for weeks angry that my body wouldn't work. I read how little a chance we had of it working, was really just very negative. I had my one and only chance NHS only fund one go in our area convinced it wouldn't work. I am now 30 weeks pregnant, and still in shock!! Best of luck to you on your IVF journey!

Viasabat Sat 21-Sep-13 23:36:29

Forgot to say if you have any questions, please ask. I will try my best to answer them.

Bunnygirlie Sun 22-Sep-13 09:32:47

nutty Waiting sucks! We may resort to our savings to speed things up

Wow Viasabat congrats! Doctor says I will need ICSI too so quite nervous, I haven't done much googling yet, not sure that's a good idea! How was the whole process for you?

Itsaburrdiee Sun 22-Sep-13 09:46:11

I was told that a number of years ago. I felt a failure, thought the chances of it working were slim. I am now the mother of a five year old and a three year old.

For me, the waiting was the hardest part. We did one private IVF which failed but happily for us our second IVF was a success.

Anecdotally, almost everyone I know who has been through IVF has been successful.

Good luck and be kind to yourself.

Bunnygirlie Sun 22-Sep-13 18:09:43

Thanks itsa good to hear success stories!

anroga Tue 24-Sep-13 17:38:07

Hi girls - We have been trying for nearly 3 years - we have been told that we have unexplained infertility after having every test done under the sun and our only option now is IVF (or we can just carry on but I am 37 in November and don't want to wait any longer really, don't think I can take the monthly dissapointments anymore). Also we have been told that because my partner has two children from a previous relationship we are not entitled to any IVF treatment on the NHS so will have to go private (as some of you know this is around £5000), While we are taking all this in I have been put on 2 cycles of clomid to see if it may help (I doubt it as the 1st cycle has failed and I ovulate naturally anyway). Some of your success stories have made me feel a bit more positive as I have been worried about the IVF treatment mentally and of course the cost as we are going to have to get a loan/use a credit card etc - wishing you all luck with this very hard journey xxx

Bunnygirlie Tue 24-Sep-13 20:40:28

Hey anroga must be tricky when OH has already done it all before so the NHS option isn't available sad

My crazy brain is already leaping ahead to wanting child two and not being able to have NHS ivf that time round! Crazy aren't I!

anroga Wed 25-Sep-13 10:15:06

Hi Bunnygirlie, thanks for your message - yes it is and sometimes feeling resentful creeps in but I stamp it out as it isn't anyone elses fault except the NHS! I felt the same as you when we found out, better to have a plan and know what the next step is but sad it can't happen naturally plus how the h*ll are we going to afford it! Will see what happens with this 2nd cycle of clomid and then make plans, trouble is we are getting married next August and I would really like to have a baby before then and not ready to drop on my wedding day! x

Redcliff Wed 25-Sep-13 16:09:48

I feel for you - I have known for a while I would need IVF and have had lots of tests ect but when we went for the consultant appointment today and started making plans and booking appointments it now all feel all too real! Good luck!

StitchingMoss Wed 25-Sep-13 16:25:26

Hi all, I clearly remember being told we'd need IVF - and that was nearly 8 years ago now. We were devastated and terrified in equal measure sad. I have blocked fallopian tubes and was told natural conception was almost impossible.

I was too young at the time (33) to qualify for NHS treatment so we remortgaged our house for £15k.

On our 3 rd cycle we had our beautiful DS1 (now 5) and then were shock to fall pg naturally with our DS2 (now 4).

As other IVF veterans have said, please free to ask questions - I found it hard to talk to my friends and family about it because none of them knew what I was talking about blush.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 25-Sep-13 19:34:49

bunny, ive been ttc for 7ish years (now 40 but slight break for 1.5years after dh died sad , but have a new dp now and full guns ahead iyswim) and ivf will be the next step as i also have sub fertility and very unlikely to get preg naturally

having lap and dye tests tomorrow 'gulps' - was on waiting list for about 3mths if that helps

nutty - i also will be paying as im 40 and dp has 3 children from previous relationship though all in 20's - i find this STINKS

i think every woman should be entitled to one go of ivf free regardless if dp has kids

not sure how im paying yet, but i will find the money, thing id happy to spend £5k is baby is guaranteed, but to spend it and get nothing thats a double blow sad

MrsCakesPremonition Wed 25-Sep-13 19:45:11

I just wanted to say Hi and offer a handhold. I was horrified when I realised we would need IVF to conceive DC2, it took DH and I a few months to get our heads round it all and decide it really was the right thing for us.
I was lucky that I felt able to trust my clinic 100%, they seemed so professional and thoughtful and you could tell that they worked really hard to answer every question and to pre-empt any mistakes I might make (with drugs, timings etc.) They sort of helped carry me through it all. They had been recommended by a couple of friends as well as having a very good record - so I felt reassured.

Bunnygirlie Fri 27-Sep-13 19:17:17

Ooh anroga a wedding how exciting!

Thanks red what's next for you?

stitching nice to hear success stories!

blonde so sorry to hear about your DH, you must have been through hell. Happy you found somebody to continue your life with smile how was your lap?

Thanks mrs my consultant seems fab so hopefully it's a good one!

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 27-Sep-13 19:48:23

Thanks bunny - didn't expect to meet someone 9mths after dh died - but I did - he makes me happy and life goes on

I ache big time sad

Didn't expect to be this sore sad its the cut in the public bone that aches and every cough laugh sneeze and fart hurt

Doc said its like a c section but milder !!

Plus shoulder aches as said it would from gas

And not good results sad have blocked and scarred tube and very unlikely to fall preg tho she said all it takes is one sperm .......

But says unlikely and reconmends ivf if serious about having kids as I'm 40 and no spring chicken .,,,,,,

- so got to get my head round that tho deep down I knew we would need it

Back in 6 week for check up and talk over options thb

defineme Fri 27-Sep-13 19:55:28

IVF can be a long and awful road and I'm really sorry for the awful time some people have.
I had a lot of problems with severe endemoetroisis(can't spell it) and operations to remove cysts and damage to insides.
However, it can work very well. I have had 2 IVF cycles and have 3 dc as a result: 8 yr old twins and 11 yrold ds1.
These days I really don't think about how they got here much.
Good luck smile

Bunnygirlie Fri 27-Sep-13 20:11:56

Ouchy blonde I am dreading the lap!

Sorry to hear your results were pants.

Wow define, I guess once you get them you don't care about the struggles

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