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Did you loose the motivation to TTC when referred for IVF?

(9 Posts)
makingdoo Mon 16-Sep-13 11:20:28

I don't know what's up with me tbh and I can't really talk to anyone in real life because I just get sympathetic head tilts and 'if its meant to be' talks.

DH and I have been referred for IVF a few weeks ago. Despite being TTC for a while with no BFPs the referral came as a shock as it all happened so quickly.

DH has 1% morphology sperm. Our consultant has said to keep trying as it could happen naturally. Waiting list is approx 12-18 months (we are still waiting to be officially added to it).

I just seem to have given up inside. I'm gutted that this is where we are at. In my heart I think it's never going to happen. We haven't DTD since our consultant appointment. We have both been very busy and both been away on business at different points but when we have had the opportunity we haven't bothered.

I'm not sure what I'm asking but I just need to get it out. I'm sad, angry and feeling hard done by.

Thanks for reading if you got this far

JustWant1 Mon 16-Sep-13 15:28:20

I know exactly how you feel. It's quite possibly the worst experience of our lives and you will go through a range of emotional battles and pains. It sounds harsh but I sort of have to slap myself coz otherwise I would have self destructed by now. You are not alone; there are many people going through the same thing and most have really happy endings so you have to just think yep that's gna be me one day.

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.. Good luck I wish you all the best - there's loads of ppl in the same boat so sites like this really help to comfort you when you feel the way you do. Keep yourself busy and hopefully ul get ur dream x

JustWant1 Mon 16-Sep-13 15:29:57

I didn't answer ur question - yes you do lose motivation and its ok to feel that way! Work through it together; I went through the same thing and its an ongoing phase but you will get through it x

makingdoo Mon 16-Sep-13 16:02:17

Thank you for replying. It's reassuring to hear my feelings are completely normal. I feel like I can't tell DH how sad or disappointed I am because I don't want him to feel like its 'his fault'.

I'm assuming that you are on the same path as me. It's comforting to have like minded people to talk to cause I don't think my friends or family really 'get it'.

Thank you x

JustWant1 Mon 16-Sep-13 18:04:25

No no one in my family gets it. I get the "don't worry have faith it will happen" speech n that makes me feel so much worse and I end up wanting to be quite violent towards that person. No one will understand, I too don't like speaking to my hubby about it. It's the worst thing ever but if u ever need to talk then I'm here. We can go through the journey together. I'm currently waiting for a laproscopy operation which had been booked for November to remove a fibroid. I've not been given any treatment yet and only told I have an underactive thyroid for which I'm now on tablets for. I'm also due on tomorrow and I feel really rubbish this time of month when I do a test n realise I got my hopes up for no reason. ;(

RaspberrySnowCone Mon 16-Sep-13 18:41:08

You are not alone. We got referred in January and pretty much gave up, we've had sex a few times since then but not in the last few months in the build up to IVF. We both need the break from it. We won't be doing it for a while now as I had an embryo transfer tomorrow so we won't dare do anything now for a while.

It is very hard and unless you speak to someone who has actually been through it it's impossible to think clearly about it. We've been quite relieved to have a break really, sex was a huge part of our lives and we used to have sex a lot but 4 yrs of trying pretty much destroys the fun. Hopefully once IVF is out of the way we can get back on track.

makingdoo Mon 16-Sep-13 19:15:59

Justwant1 I feel your pain. I hate that people think they can comment with their words of wisdom. I now get asked 'how many kids do you have' rather than 'do you have any kids'. I just want to screeeeeeeam sometimes. If you ever need a rant just PM me.

Raspberry Im comforted to read your post. I think the whole TTC journey is mentally exhausting and on top of a stressful job and a really shit year in every way possible I just can't deal with the monthly disappointment anymore. I've even lost the will to keep chasing our GP for the official referral.

RaspberrySnowCone Mon 16-Sep-13 21:10:45

It is exhausting but, hopefully one day we will get what we are all chasing after. It's frustrating when you have friends who just 'get' pregnant who look at you like you've obviously been using the wrong hole or something and the "you know you should try doing this, that or the other' crap that people come out with.

My husband had 1% too although it seemed to have decreased in the time when we were going through fertility treatment as it was just a shade under 4% at our original referral appointment in April two years ago. You and your fella need to really look after yourselves, keep communicating, lots of physical (non sexual) contact will help keep you feeling close. It's helped us. Don't feel bad for not having sex either, people put such a lot of pressure on themselves to have the perfect sex life and that's teamed with the whole 'making babies is a great excuse to have loads of sex'. It doesn't work for us lot who are having problems. Concentrate on just enjoying being together and enjoying each other rather than trying to force something that will then make you both feel bad.

JustWant1 Mon 16-Sep-13 23:55:29

Agreed; I've found that planning weekend breaks and holidays and fun things to do helps. Try keeping ur mind busy in between all the doctors app n treatments. It's so hard to focus on something else though ;(

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