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First time IVF ~ single woman, 37

(1 Post)
Rowenna Sat 27-Jul-13 17:03:33

Hi everyone,
My name is Wenna, i'm British but currently living and working in Southern Thailand.

My husband died suddenly when I was 31, and I moved here to live in a different culture, speak a different language and grow a new, happier life.
When G. passed away we were actively trying for children and I felt bitter that the chance of motherhood had been stolen from me.
I am now 37 years old and I yearn for a child. I find myself meandering towards push-chairs in the supermarket and cradling tiny shoes in the palm of my hand. Last Autumn, I decided to investigate available fertility options should I choose to go-it-alone.

Thailand is a surprisingly conservative country and it took some time before I found a doctor willing to treat me (at an excellent hospital in Bangkok). Having been assessed as psychologically stable my case was approved by the ethical committee and I was on my way! I had my first cycle of IUI using donor sperm.
Oh, I was SO excited! So full of hope & SURE of my success! I did a home pregnancy test early, I did three! They were all negative. I couldn't really believe it. Even when my period came ~ part of me still hoped there was some mistake.
So I tried IUI again - immediately. And again... and again... Five attempts all failed.

Then there were tests; one of my fallopian tubes is blocked and I had a small surgery to smooth out my uterine wall.
This month (July) I started IVF.

The level of care I have received here has been EXCELLENT. My only concern is that I feel relatively poorly informed. There is no information or support services available in English and I can not read Thai. I DO trust my doctor but I feel incredibly isolated. Often I do not understand why particular decisions have been made or am unaware that alternatives were available. I never knew, for example, that some people have embryos transferred on day 5 instead of day 3, or that a day 3 embryo has 7-8 cells (mine all had 10-14). I resist the temptation to google too much because the information is often contradictory and/or alarming. Also, I don't understand many of the common abbreviationssad

So here I am - day 3 after embryo transfer. I have occasional nausea, uncomfortable back pain and fairly bad cramping. I feel like my breasts are about to pop! (I wasn't expecting any of this)! I'm also SERIOUSLY craving an orgasm - but googled and read that I shouldn't do that sad I have a thick, white discharge which I assume is normal(?)

I produced 14 eggs, 13 of which fertilised. 9 were frozen and 3 were implanted at midday on Thursday 25/07/13. I was told they are good quality embryos - the doctor said one was "VERY excellent" though as I already mentioned, they are fast growing. The remaining one was cultivated until day 6 (today) and the quality was "just fair".
After the transfer I rested for 2 hours in the hospital, then went back to my hotel and spent one more night there. The next day (yesterday) I flew home to HatYai (a city in the South where I live). I am now panicking because I think I should have spent more time resting. I have stayed in bed almost all day today to try and make up for it!

I find that I am obsessive. I can't stop thinking/hoping/researching/planning for pregnancy. I can't think about anything else. I am drinking fruit juice, water and herbal teas, taking vitamins, eating heaps & restricting caffeine. I cut out alcohol months ago in preparation for IVF. I seek meaning with every twinge or cramp or physical change and I am driving myself insane. My mood can soar high with the euphoric belief that I am pregnant. I'm choosing baby names and decorating the nursery in my head. At other times i'm swallowing beck tears and shaking with dread in case it's negative again.

Sorry this message is so very long. My best friend sent me a link to this page and I have been reading your threads for hours. They helped me understand many things and I feel calmer and more grounded.
Thanks everyone Xx

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