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Feeling so sad and jealous

(12 Posts)
Happilymarried155 Fri 31-May-13 17:09:42

Please don't blame your dh, it is not his fault. It's so natural to go through such a mix of emotions, it's been 2 and a half years for us and I can't even begin to describe to anyone that hasn't been thought it the complete loss and heartbreak I feel each month. But...blaming your dh is only going to bring more problems in life, he can't change it and in sure he feels bad enough as it is. Your supposed to be a team, not placing blame.
In my very sad times when I wonder if we will ever have a baby I think I am so lucky to have dh. Try not to dwell on the bad things, believe that it will happen eventually-we too are about to start assisted conception and you need to be ready for the stressful journey ahead. Good luck smile

ringo65 Fri 31-May-13 13:45:09

Hi Idbeloveandsweetness

I know how you feel but please try to look forward not backwards, yesterday my DH & I were told that we are not going to be able to conceive through IVF therefore egg donor is our best option, (I've posted on here about my feelings towards that), but I am the opposite in the fact that it is 'my fault'...not my husbands. He has been very understanding and does not blame me, these things happen and if he wastes his energy on blaming me and I waste my own energy blaming myself then we would never get anywhere with moving forward.
I too have seen in the last 18 months babies popping out all over the place..its hard not to feel envious so your feelings are only normal...but lets the both of us not waste anymore emotion blaming and feeling envious and focus on positive energy of thinking what is next...maybe for you sperm donation is something you could consider although I understand the cost of this might be prohibitive...are you eligible for NHS funding?

I wish you every bit of luck with this emotional turmoil you are in and please try not to blame your DH as the rot of resentment will set in and that would be such a shame.

Sending you lots of hugs x

Idbeloveandsweetness Fri 31-May-13 12:33:01

I suppose because I've already made quite a lot of sacrifices for dh it just feels like a step too far.
I haven't told him I feel like this, I know it isn't really his fault.

I am a bitter old cow.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 31-May-13 12:26:16

Not your DHS fault though, so don't give him a hard time.

galwaygirl Fri 31-May-13 12:25:27

You're not being irrational feeling angry with DH, as much as you love him it's natural to feel some anger given the problem is on his side. Anger is just one of the stages of grief so please don't beat yourself up about it.
It is so so unfair that some people get pregnant without even trying and others have so much trouble.
Have you considered donor sperm or is that just not an option?

superbagpuss Fri 31-May-13 12:24:16

its really hard
and if your not nice people think you're a bitter old cow
nothing I can say to help I'm afraid. its something you need to grieve over ,but it will always be there

Idbeloveandsweetness Fri 31-May-13 12:20:29

I feel irrationally angry towards dh too. My body is doing what it should but it's going to have to go through something immensely traumatic because of dh.

Every month I think what a waste. If I was with someone else id be able to have a baby but now I can't. I can feel the time tick tick ticking away.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 31-May-13 11:56:10

Also, it does seem to be the case that whilst struggling with ttc, everyone you know conceives at the drop of the knickers. This certainly happened and is happening to me. But this doesn't mean it won't happen for you. We play this game - you can only be jealous if you'd be prepared to swap the pregnant persons ENTIRE lot in life. I've yet to experience that smile

rabbitonthemoon Fri 31-May-13 11:53:21

Sweetness, fertility problems are horrible. Just wanted to say you aren't alone, even when it feels like it - there are a lot if us out there! These horrible days pass. Did your cons give you different options?

Idbeloveandsweetness Fri 31-May-13 11:51:56

Oh and everyone I know is popping out babies left right and centre after trying for less than three months and saying things like 'it's happened exactly when we wanted it to.'

So fed up.

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 31-May-13 11:51:08

I'm so sorry Im handholding waiting for someone wise to come along

Idbeloveandsweetness Fri 31-May-13 11:46:31

And not even of people with babies. No I'm jealous of people who have no fertility worries and just get pregnant with no problems.

We saw the private fertility specialist last week who basically said abandon all hope. So now we either give up or spend thousands of pounds on something which may or may not (and in all likelihood won't be) successful.

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