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Secondary infertility

(297 Posts)
YorkshireTeaDrinker Fri 19-Apr-13 13:46:50

Am in cycle 19 TTC #2. We have a beautiful DD who took a while to conceive (managed on cycle 16, got my BFP the day before our referral appointment for fertility treatment!) so I expected it to take a while to get a second. However, time is ticking by (am 37) and I really do want DD to have a sibling, so I have been to the GP. First set of investigations have been done and and DH and I have an appointment with the GP this afternoon to get test results and hopefully a referral.

I am feeling a strange combination of emotions. I feel a bit guilty for wanting another child so much when I already have a wonderful DD. I am worried about what treatment may be necessary, how we can pay for it, even if it would be appropriate to fund trying to conceive another child when we could spend those resources on giving the child we already have the best possible start in life.

I even feel a tiny bit guilty for even posting this here, as I already have a child and should be grateful for what I have (and I am, very much). But I can't help longing for another, I get so envious of friends who have / are going on to have second children (and in some cases contemplating a third). I am a mummy, I no longer have to deal with the awful feeling of wondering if I will ever know the joy of parenthood, but every month I have the same disappointment and sense of failure when AF arrives, coupled with the anxiety that every month lost makes the potential age gap bigger.

So please tell me your good news about secondary infertility. Did you get your BFP eventually? Or did you manage to come to terms with not having another and make the most of your smaller than planned family? And if you did go down the path of intervention, what did it involve? Was it successful? Do you have any regrets?

Sunnydaisy Wed 22-May-13 10:10:41

Resipsa, how did the test go? Hope you have some good news to share! We went ahead with another iui but sadly have all the signals again that it didn't work. Not at all ready to give up on my dream yet but feel as though I need to try. Fed up of being so emotional all the time and want to enjoy the one child we do have instead of crying for the one that we're never going to have. Just wish I knew how!

resipsa Wed 22-May-13 22:59:34

Hi sunny. It was BFN which I should have expected at 42 but somehow it has completely knocked me for 6 (as in at my desk in tears, on the train in tears, shouting at DD every night since the BFNhmm). It's clear in hindsight that I was placing all my eggs in one basket (no pun intended) and I think it's finally dawned on me this week that the probability is that DD will be my only child. I am SO not ready to accept it, though. Am currently debating (internally) how I might convince DH to try a round of IVF with donor eggs. I wish, like you, that I could let it go and enjoy DD but I can't, particularly as everyone around me is producing no. 2 (or 3). This is blighting DD's infancy for me, snatching moments that I can never relive but it's just impossible to put aside. Hope you're feeling OK.

firemansamsmam Fri 24-May-13 08:46:36

Hello everyone, I googled secondary infertility and this thread came up! So just wondered if anyone could give me some advice on what to do next...

We have a gorgeous 3, nearly 4, year old DS. i totally get the panic that so many of you are feeling about the age gap- i feel it too- but it nearly made me cry with relief reading the reassurances from some posters who have kids with big age gaps. It does help to hear that there are some massive positives to having such a big gap. As an older sister with a 6 year gap between me and my sister, I have to say that we are best best friends so it shouldn't matter to me. But then I see my DS on his own all the time and I can't help worrying.

Anyway, here's my secondary infertility story. We have been TTC since Sept 2011. I had a MMC at 12 weeks in May 2012. It was hideous and totally blindsided me to start with but I coped with it ok and hoped to go on to conceive again quickly as so many people told me I probably would.

It took four and a half months to get AF back, but my cycles then settled down to approx 5 weeks. This was positive because I'd previously been incredibly irregular.

Just 2 weeks short of the anniversary of my MC, I found out I was pregnant. I then miscarried at approx 6 weeks, 3 days after the year anniversary!
Six months age I went to the GP and he told me that they wouldn't make investigations (apart from the initial test to check I am ovulating) until we had been unsuccessfully trying for a year.

We have actually been trying for getting close to two years, but now with 2 failed pregnancies in that time.

Has anyone experienced this and if so does anyone know what the doctor would do next? Will he tell me to go away and keep trying because i have proven i can get pregnant? Or can I push for help now?

I am tempted to hide the fact that I have been pregnant recently so that they don't tell me to go away and keep trying, but feel like this could be dodgy. I hadn't been to the doctor to confirm this latest pregnancy by the way.

As an aside, does anyone have any advice on how to get my period to return, don't think I can bear a 4 month wait like last time!

I have posted on this in other threads but I still can't decide what to do.

MrsB116 Fri 24-May-13 11:36:19

Isn't it amazing when you google-it and you realise you're not the only one. After reading some of your posts I'm in exactly the same position, but some of your have mentioned treatments and I haven't been offered anything by my GP or consultant, what should I be pushing for?

I have a daughter (aged 2 1/2) she was conceived after 2 miscarriages when I was 35. I've had 3 subsequent miscarriages, my GP was very sympathetic and referred me to a fertility consultant.
Full blood tests (hormones, thyroid, iron, etc) and no issues, he said I'm conceiving but because of my age my egg quality is probably deteriorating, coupled with a streak of bad luck with miscarriages, there's nothing he can do - to carry on and hope that 'a' pregnancy will work for me.

I'm soon to be 38 and 'cross your fingers' didn't feel like constructive advise - should I be asking for further tests? treatment?

Help appreciated

resipsa Thu 30-May-13 07:31:09

Bump for this one.

Bad week here. Colleague's girlfriend had DC1 on Mon. At nursery pick up on Tues, got introduced to friend's 1 week old DD2. To see her DD1 literally gazing at baby in awe and with live was lovely but heart wrenching as that will probably never be me/us hmm.

PopcornGrace Fri 07-Jun-13 13:47:21

Hello ladies. Just want to say stay positive and don't give - unless that door is completely closed.
I went through a year of secondary infertility and 5 early miscarriages - 4 recurrent. Due to my age (39) I went private to find out after the 3rd one because my gp seemed in no rush to refer me. I had great bloods and scan was fine but I had a HSG which showed scarring on my uterus. The only symptom was recurrent miscarriage. Id never had a d&c or a c-section which are the usual causes. If you haven't had a HSG then try and get one. Anyway I had surgery to correct it and got pregnant the month after. I'm now almost 12 weeks.

Adsum Sun 09-Jun-13 18:48:34

Congrats popcorn thanks for your success story!

res how are you doing? Is anyone still on this Fred?!

Lintilla Tue 11-Jun-13 16:27:22

I'm still lurking about. I have my next appointment with the consultant on Friday to find out the results of my latest blood test and to see if I have anything wrong, and I am terrified they will say there isn't anything wrong, as there won't be anything they can do to fix it.

I hope everyone else is okay.

resipsa Tue 11-Jun-13 21:30:13

Hi ads. Think the IVF BFN has made me think the prospect of another is just a dream and will probably never be real which I am struggling with greatly. How're you?

Adsum Wed 12-Jun-13 09:16:30

Oh res I really hope that isn't the case - you deserve another one too. Are you going to try the 'old fashioned' way for now or are you having a break?

Afm, I'm just praying that this little bean will stick. I can't get excited and yet I do feel tired already (4+1!!) but I felt like that long after mmc was confirmed the last time, so who knows! Will just have to sit tight and keep my fx...

Sunnydays12 Thu 13-Jun-13 23:04:26

Im totally new to this, however I have been struggling for so long alone now I thought its about time to search for support as can not cope anymore.
I have a beautiful DS who is 5 in Sept and we have been ttc no.2 since he was 18mths old. I had many tests which all came back ok. Last year we decided to do a SA which came back as "too few to asses"!!! We were both so shocked and have been told that we cant have further investigations due to having a child.
I am so grateful for my Son, however feel guilty and sad that he will probably never have a brother/ sister!
Doesnt help that everyone around me is having babies, esp no.2!!!!
Feels like a door has been slammed in our face to just get on with our life, however I am struggling and its not as easy as that!!! Sorry for ranting

Lintilla Sun 16-Jun-13 18:00:27

Ads how are you getting on?

Sunny I don't know where you are but we have had investigations galore, but the NHS won't fund invasive help i.e. IUI/IVF. Can you go back to your GP and ask for more tests - SA can change with diet/stress etc.

Adsum Wed 19-Jun-13 22:12:47

Hi lintilla all seems ok at the moment, but I seem to have a tendency for mmcs so nothing but healthy scans could reassure me! Have booked a reassurance scan for 2 weeks (last time in Feb I ended up with a blighted ovum at my 'reassurance scan'! Not so reassuring...! So am nervous now!)

Sunny I think you should go back to your GP too - see a woman: no offence to men but its more likely that they might have more empathy I reckon - see if they could refer you for at the very least a discussion with a specialist?

fedupofrainydays Fri 12-Jul-13 14:36:22

Hello - can I join please?

I have a ds who's almost 2. Starter ttc #2 in dec 12 and got pregnant first month. Had MMC at 12 weeks in feb and nothing since..

I am so sad the whole time and feel so guilty around ds. All my NCT are pregnant or have had # 2 as are all my other friends through ds. Even my sister has 3 now. Just seeing ds on his own hurts. I am so desperate for a sibling for him.

Would I get anywhere if I went to the doctor now? Or would they make me wait? Periods and 2 ww both really painful now with cramps throughout.

Hope you are all ok ladies. This ttc is hideous. X

YorkshireTeaDrinker Fri 12-Jul-13 14:48:17

Just wanted to do a quick update for anyone still lurking. Sorry for opening the thread and then disappearing. I have been in a bit of TTC denial of late, assuming its never going to work so I don't even want to talk about it. Started giving away my saved up baby clothes last month on the basis that I can't hang onto stuff indefinitely and we don't have the space to store everything.

However, referral to fertility unit went ahead, had our appointment a fortnight ago. Really positive. Consultant seemed to push the straight to IVF route a bit too forcefully. Nurse much better, got me in for an internal ultrasound whilst we were there (found a small fibroid, but nothing to cause concer). Next steps are an HSG (hysterosaingography - an x-ray of the womb, similar to a laparoscopy). To be done between CD 10 and 18. Just waiting for AF to arrive now so I can book it. Nurse at fertility clinic said that there is anecdotal evidence that an HSG can dislodge minor blockages, so very well worth doing. The plan now is to wait for a couple of cycles and see if we get lucky before doing a cycle of IUI. Feels something of a relief to be in the system and to have a plan now.

YorkshireTeaDrinker Fri 12-Jul-13 14:52:36

Hi fedup, generally GP says you have to have been TTC for 12 months before they will start fertility investigations. But than does depend on how old you are, over 35 and they will do tests after 6 months.

fedupofrainydays Sun 14-Jul-13 14:30:15

Thanks yorkshire I'm 32 next month. I think I will ask dr anyway and see what they say. Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine!

Hortonseesawho Sun 14-Jul-13 15:16:28

Hi I conceived in 2nd month of trying dc1. Thought it would be just as quick for dc2. Wasn't to be. It just wasn't happening. Got referred by GP for tests for secondary infertility. They checked dh 1st. Issues with sperm motility. I also had initial investigations. Nothing conclusive, suggestion that scarring as a result of c section might be a factor. During this I got pregnant, but miscarried. I was gutted. I heard about zita west, got her book and followed some advice. I just felt better doing something, rather Than feeling powerless. I also gave away baby stuff because had given up. Few months later I was pregnant with dc2! I couldn't relax throughout pregnancy, but everything went well. Good luck to everyone on here flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 14-Jul-13 18:43:20


I thought of endometriosis when I saw your message, endo is a common cause of very painful periods. I would keep a daily pain and symptom diary and show this to the cons when you see such a perosn.

I would go to the GP and ask to be referred to a gynae asap.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 14-Jul-13 18:48:11

Hi Yorkshire Tea Drinker

HSG is a tubal x-ray but unlike a lap it can show any deformities INSIDE the tubes. Its a very useful test to have done. It should not be painful if the dye (they use about a teaspoonful) is injected very slowly and carefully. You should be given painkillers prior to this procedure. I would also use sanitary protection post this procedure because this dye does come out!. If someone can drive you home so much the better. Have had one of these tests done myself and they were able to tell me that my tubes were patent (open). Any other questions re this just ask.

Why have they suggested IUI?.

fedupofrainydays Mon 15-Jul-13 07:16:23

Thanks atilla. I'm waiting til 6 months (ie this month) then heading to doctor.. So will see then.

omama Mon 15-Jul-13 22:25:13

I'm still lurking too. I haven't posted lately, as the week before my appt for secondary investigations, I found out I was finally pg with dc#2. Sadly, 3 weeks ago, I had a mmc at 11 weeks. sad. So I've gone from absolutely thrilled to heartbroken. Its hitting me hard this week, the realisation that we've got to start ttc all over again. It took 15 cycles last time & the thought of it taking as long again is hard to bear. Am trying to be positive though, at least I know now that there is nothing wrong with either of us & so we have started ttc again straight away.

Yorkshire glad to hear you are making some progress with your investigations - hope you manage to get some answers soon & in the mean time I'll pray for a sticky bean for u too.

Good look at the docs fedup. Mine weren't really even interested til we'd been ttc for 2yrs but I pushed for initial tests after 12 months & got them. I'm 33.

LondonSuperTrooper Wed 24-Jul-13 14:05:54

This thread came up when i searched for secondary infertility.

It would be great if anyone is around for a chat. I'm 39 and TTC #2 for the last 11 cycles. I'm CD 17 into my 12th cycle. I've had all the tests done and both myself & DH are OK. IVF is the only option for us and we are slowly saving up for that.

Anyone else in the same boat?

YorkshireTeaDrinker Thu 25-Jul-13 11:03:00

omama so so sorry to hear about your mmc. I understand how extra awful it must feel, not only to have lost your baby, but to be fearing another long long wait to get pregnant again. However, giving you some positives to cling to, having got pregnant now, you have at least demonstrated that it is possible, and there is no reason to suppose that the is anything preventing you conceiving.

One of my colleagues (who has a DC a month older than mine) has had 2 mc and is now 14 weeks into her third TTC#2 pregnancy. It's been an awful journey for her, but she appears to have safely navigated the first trimester and it looks like this one is going to stick.

Thanks for the info on HSG Atilla. Fertility unit haven't pushed IUI, seemed to prefer going straight to IVF as the odds of success are higher. But I was worried about costs and the invasive ness of the intervention, so would prefer to give IUI a shot first. I see IUI as giving nature a bit of a helping hand, whilst (to me personally) IVF seems more of an acknowledgement that our own kit is defective and we have to try alternative methods.

However, I use the past tense in relation to my consideration of treatment options as, hopefully, we are not going to need them. I never booked my HSG appointment cos AF didn't turn up!! Am now 6 weeks pregnant. [Grin] Still POAS every few days to reassure myself that this is the case. As I got as far as a first appointment with the fertility unit, I am under their care until 12 weeks. Had an early scan yesterday, no sign of an embryo yet, so am going for another scan at 8 weeks when I should hopefully get a first glimpse of a little bean. However, yolk and sac are present and implanted in the correct location, so am hopeful for a sticky one (and very thankful I only have to wait until 8 weeks to find out).

Am very mindful that it is v v early days yet (scan really emphasised this, there was a little less the than I was hoping to see). I am desperately hoping this will stick and at the back of my mind is the fear that if I lose this pregnancy it could take another 23 cycles to get another one, but its also something of a relief to know that I can get pregnant after all.

I'm not sure what conclusions can be drawn from my sample size of one, but I can report that as soon as we had that first appointment at the fertility unit, I felt like I was in control of the situation again. I had a plan (maybe not based on the best evidence, but it made sense to me), and was taking definite action. I don't think the fact that I felt a bit better mentally had a direct causal link with my egg suddenly becoming a hitable target for DH's hitherto aimless little swimmers, but it probably didn't hurt.

Really hoping there are more similar success stories soon (and that mine does actually turn into a success story).

resipsa Fri 26-Jul-13 23:12:37

DD (2.5) asked me today if she has Baby Annabel (yeah, the doll) like her friends have (real) baby brothers and sisters. God, that hurts!

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