Am I crazy? Trying to get on with life.

[ThoughtfulOne]

I feel like I'm going crazy. I used to work for a city law firm - I moved to a much quieter job as I was beginning to think about having a family. 2 ectopics later I got really pissed off that I was going nowhere in my job or my plans to have a family so I have moved back to the city. Now I feel under so much pressure (90% of which I am sure is self inflicted although it is a stressful work environment) and I have no idea whether I have done the right thing. I still have one tube but it is not in great condition so fertility wise it is a bit of a wait and see game before the likely route of IVF. I thought going back I would feel proud and be 'getting on with my life' but I just feel stressed, sad and out of control.

I just don't know how to 'move on' from my fertility issues and get on with life.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Any thoughts? Xx

[ilikecooking]

Hi Thoughtful,

Didn't want to read & run. I started the thread in this section titled "Run out of tears". I won't repeat what I've said there, but if it helps you, I shouldn't have left it so long because now the decision (in particular for me to use my own eggs) has been taken away from me.

You did feel strongly about having a child, that much from your post is clear, I get the feeling you don't necessarily want to accept 'moving on' is the right thing to do at the mo? I could be wrong, I could have written your words a few years ago, that's all.

Could you get in the system of IVF now? Sometimes these things take a while. That way you're in the position to proceed or call it quits.

Unfortunately being in this situation makes us question, re-question then question again just how much/little we want a little person, that's where we struggle & it's unfair.

[marzipanned]

Hi Thoughtful,

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

What is most important to you, honestly, right now? Your career or having a baby? Perhaps it is really the latter, and that's why you're not feeling as proud as you thought you would?

I don't think one really can move on from fertility issues until either you have a child (whether that be naturally, surrogate, adopted, whatever...) or you say, no, I really am okay with not having a child. Since you're open to IVF, you're definitely not in the latter camp...the pain that infertility causes runs very deep and I don't think you can just put it to one side.

If it's possible given your increased workload, I would second what ilovecooking said and get yourself into the IVF system. It can take a while, and you might actually feel more positive that you're doing something proactive about your fertility rather than just waiting and seeing.

[ThoughtfulOne]

Thank you so much both for your messages. I'd just about reached breaking point the other day which had never really happened before (despite a life of stress) so I was a bit shocked. Marzip I do really want a baby but I was just trying to handle to what if it never happens scenario (not very successfully!).

I am feeling better about things. I guess I just have to expect these ups and downs when sailing close to the stress threshold!

Xx